"The Sing-Off" Recap, Night 2: No Happy Ending

One should read this (hopefully shorter than usual) recap with two things in mind: I'm starting it 40 minutes before Wednesday's show starts, and I'm still feeling the lingering effects of having my absolute favorite group, one that I had an emotional investment in, go home. (That was kind of a spoiler, but this is kind of 23 hours after it happened...I doubt I ruined the result for anyone.) But I shall press on...contrary to one of my roommates, I'm still watching tonight and Monday, and I still love Noteworthy to the ends of the earth (it's crazy, I'm like obsessed with them now that I can't see them on TV anymore), so it's all good. And with that...I proceed to this frustrating, exhilarating, devoid-of-instruments (as Nick Lachey STILL loves to remind us) world we like to call...."The Sing-Off."

• The Devil Children Beelzebubs: They started off the program with probably one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life...a bunch of dorky White college boys doing "Right Round." The song's bad enough as it is...so why did they feel the need to introduce it into the a cappella world? On top of that, I spotted SEVERAL pitch problems...I usually don't resort to this extreme of criticism, but it honestly hurt my ears at some points. It just...didn't work. At all. There are some hip hop/rap-esque songs that work well in the land of vocal groups--Nota proved that later on with "Down"--but this was not one of them. It was a disgusting, painful performance, and the judges' little love-fest afterwards was inexplicable. (Ben Folds, a little bit of your credibility flew out the window right there.) Their second performance, "Come Sail Away, " was slightly better, but it still suffered from an acute case of Overeager disease. 'Onestly...their facial expressions, can they be more obnoxious? Shawn may have thought they grated their trademark style of cheese into "a fine mozzarella" here, but I saw as more of a slightly moldy Muenster. (I hate Muenster, by the way.) All in all...PLEASE mess up, Beelzebubs. I want you guys on the next plane back to Tufts, and with the judges worshipping your every move, you're going to need a HUGE trainwreck for that to happen.
• Noteworthy (awwwww...): It's kind of hard to write about them now that they're gone...but I'll find the strength. (OK, it's not THAT bad...but honestly! At least I know they have nowhere to go but up...) Now back to the recap...does "Viva la Vida" have some sort of curse on singing competitions or something? First poor Matt Giraud was felled by it on "American Idol" (albeit with a kind of misguided arrangement). Now its spacious, arena-filling quality ended up being the downfall of Noteworthy's stint on "TSO." I liked it much better watching the second time around (it made much more sense as an arrangement)--but I have to admit, it wasn't completely put together. It just didn't kick like the original did, and there were a few pitch problems that made it fall apart a bit. Still...the judges went to town on it in a way that I thought was too critical. Not mean...they just had a lot more to pick on in it than I thought was necessary. This got even worse with the girls' killer performance of "Hold On" (a song I had never heard until tonight)...I saw NOTHING wrong with it at all, and this is coming from the person who loved their performance of "Think" last night but still had a few kinks to point out. It was fierce, on key, energetic, and...I know Nicole said this about Maxx Factor, but I think this applies here..."sassy but classy." I audibly squealed at several points, something that I rarely ever do even with the best musical performances. So when the judges started gently tearing it apart, I was confused..."too much treble," for example? It's a FEMALE a cappella group! It was just a fiery, instantly memorable performance, and I thought it deserved much more credit than it received.
• Voices of Lee: I still can't get started with them. They're just...boring. Really, really, overearnestly boring. Their first performance, "No One," had the vocals there...the lead singer had a pretty nice voice, capable of handling the raw power Alicia Keys put forth in her version, and the other singers framed her voice nicely...but the execution was much too white-bread. Contrary to Ben, when they broke into the "ching-chings" in the middle, I was put off, rather than excited. It was just too square...it's an Alicia Keys song, not a Gaithers number! So they missed the boat on that one...as for their second number, "Freedom '90" by George Michael, it was far too shouty and overdone. It could have been a tender, "Hold On"-like jamfest...but instead ended up being like a shouting match by (yep, I'm going here...) the cast of "Glee" at 12. Unfortunately, the judges fell in love tonight, so VOL is safe going into tonight...but I didn't feel like they really improved, and I hope the judges end up realizing their glaring weaknesses.
• Nota: The boys of Nota deserve some serious props...on a night where they tackled a hip-hop/R&B song I somewhat hate and during their second performance, I was in "aah! Noteworthy is in danger! SOMEONE mess up!" mode, I really, really liked both of their songs. "Down" was a clever (and again Latin-infused) rendition of a normally obnoxious number...unlike the devil boys earlier with "Right Round," they put some soul and excellent harmonies into it, even throwing in their own, fairly unique spin. Their next song was even more interesting...a group of young guys from Puerto Rico taking on a 70s Bee Gees hit sounds like a horrible idea on paper, but it ended up turning out great. They hewed close to the original, but the arrangement was pretty darn cool, and the lead singer's falsetto was, I admit, a bit more appealing than his normal voice. It just worked...I don't know how, but it worked.
• The SoCals: My feelings were improved, but still pretty mixed, about this group tonight. Oddly enough, I loved their version of "Already Gone" (so much, apparently, that it WOULDN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD for about 2 or 3 hours afterwards, and I kept singing it out loud)...the lead vocalist kicked it, the harmonies were very nice, and it just clicked for me. This might have been a little to do with the song...but I fell in love with the performance, predispositions about SoCal or not. On the other hand..."Nothing's Going to Stop Us Now" was an atrocious, overdone mess. It was like a production of "High School Musical" from Hel...sinki. (You know what I mean...) They shouted way too much, the choreography was obnoxious rather than charming and cheesy, and it was just painful to watch and hear. (The kiss at the end was random, by the way. Not bad, just...what the heck?!?!) I don't mind that they stayed, but with as bad of a second performance as they gave...I wouldn't have minded if they had left, either.
• Maxx Factor: I don't know what to think about Maxx Factor anymore. Their first performance, a harmony-licious reworking of Taylor Swift's painfully ubiquitous "Love Story," was a true triumph. It was beautiful, confident, and really a job excellently done. I don't know why, but I almost wanted to cry afterwards (in a good way, of course). On the flip side...I like them. I like "Rehab." I like radical covers of songs I know. But somehow...it fell apart. The pitch was wonky at a few places, especially during the bridge. It seemed the four lovely ladies didn't click, and it was kind of a worrying sign. Still, I love them...and regarding the current circumstances, I'm rooting for them (along with Nota) to go all the way...but I would have rather have had them go home than Noteworthy in...
• The Elimination: I think the judges were a bit off. As slightly underwhelming as Noteworthy's performance of "Viva La Vida" was, it didn't come close to the crumbly mess that "Rehab" turned out to be. And while "Love Story" was heartbreakingly beautiful, it lost out to "Hold On" in both the energy and dynamic quality departments. On top of that...this is not the bottom 2 I would have liked. Three of the four other groups (not Nota, of course) would have been a better fit for elimination. But that's just my opinion...and the fabulous girls of Noteworthy gave an excellent farewell performance of "Happy Ending" (sadly truncated, though).

And now, it's time for me to move on. Nick Lachey still has a big issue with incessant repetition--he toned down the "no instruments!" shtick tonight, but his explanation of the "guilty pleasure" concept OVER and OVER again was acutely annoying. Nicole slightly redeemed herself tonight with miniscule snippets of actual criticism, and Ben, despite a few disagreements with him tonight, still kept up a high reputation. And now...the show is about to start this Wednesday evening...so I bid adieu.

Apology/"The Sing-Off" Recap: Somebody To Love

So I kind of dropped off the face of the recapping earth here...I still was watching "Dancing" (albeit in a piecemeal, get-it-the-next-day-on-Hulu-sort-of-maybe-not fashion), I just...didn't make time, and the fact that there's only one reader of this thing (and they barely have time to read it), didn't really help. :) (Feelings about results in a nutshell: Would have picked Mya to win but Donny deserved it in his own special way, and I'm happy for him. And I still love Kelly, the salty Brit, and she put in a good performance for the finals, albeit one that deserved the respectable third place finish she got.) But I'm back...for a little bit...to write about a show near and dear to my heart...well, featuring people near and dear to my heart, at any rate..."The Sing-Off"! It's a charming little a cappella competition show, which I admit I would not be so compelled to watch if one of my favorite (and closest) vocal groups ever, the lovely ladies of Noteworthy from right here at BYU, weren't involved. (And yes, I will try to keep this objective. Operative word is TRY. :D) It had its ups and downs...but what awesome reality show (cough cough, DWTS and Idol) doesn't? And I'm pretty tolerant of these kinds of things, so I'll most certainly keep watching (even if, sniff sniff, Noteworthy gets sent home...IT SHALL NOT HAPPEN!!!) til the end. And with that...we proceed into the crazy, totally existing before "Glee" (thank you very much, posers) land of....a cappella singing!

• Nota: It doesn't take much to awake the fiery Latin music lover within me...heck, it's pretty much always awake...but the Puerto Rico-based Nota certainly did it with their spicy performance of "I'm Yours." I can't recall any serious pitch problems, they had a good blend, and when they did that zippy little salsa dance break, I was sold. Their intro package was just the beginning of many 'sob story' moments, but thankfully NBC's editing is slightly less manipulative and heartless than Fox or ABC. (Key word: slightly.) I'm pulling for these guys...to get second place. (You can probably guess why, but my reasoning is further explained below.)
• Voices of Lee (I'll be one of the few critics to not insert a "G" before the Lee...though they deserve it): So religious it made the gals at Noteworthy look like skater chicks, Voices of Lee, from Tennessee (hey, that rhymes!) was...OK. Their arrangement was indeed too earnest, though they admittedly kept the pitch fairly well. They just seem uncomfortable with the whole "moving to the music" concept...and not a good sign, it seems like they'd rather be singing a hymn or spiritual instead of stuff from the pop world. All in all, nice but not up to par...they're not long for the Sing-Off world, I suspect.
• Face: True to their name, Face is a very "in-your-face" group...they're a vocal rock band, apparently. Sadly...that didn't show too well on the TV screen and through the sound those mikes were trying to crank out. They were good (slightly uneasy/over-the-top facial expressions and all), but underwhelming. They had a bit of blend issues, and the lead singer just didn't scream "legit, awesome RAWKer" to me. Face didn't put a smile on my face, exactly...though I have a feeling they have major potential/hidden reserves of awesomeness, and probably rock much more when not placed in a national-TV situation, singing in front of millions (unfortunately, the judges did not agree...see below).
• NOTEWORTHY!!! (Can you tell who my favorite is?): I'm trying my hardest to keep my "objective observer" status, but...they were dang good. I was a bit worried when they said they'd be singing "Think"...I'd seen Amy (the lead singer, who's in Jazz Voices with me!) bring her voice to the skies with the killer opening number of "Under Pressure," but I was afraid the whole performance-on-TV thing might cause the soulful Aretha Franklin number to fall apart. It did not...Amy sang to the stratosphere, the girls brought the harmonies (and in Courtney's case, the hoppin' vocal percussion), and they really sold it. Amy did get a bit screechy...don't push so much, girl!...but she hit her notes with the precision of...a really precise thing. (It's finals week. Give me a break. :D) They just need to fine-tune their already-excellent balance and blend...the judges' comments (save Nicole's pointless rambling) were very spot-on, and also very refined and specific...a sign that Noteworthy is leading the pack? Perhaps.
• The 1st Elimination: I was a bit...OK, a lot...taken aback when they came back from commercial break and the first four groups were standing on the stage...I had no idea they were doing TWO eliminations! Naturally, I was scared to heck for Noteworthy, but they were announced safe second, so I could breathe easy. (And Nota was announced first as making the cut...go Nota!) As for the final two left...Voices of (Not Glee, LEE) and Face were left hanging...for a second (thank goodness they didn't cut to commercial...another reason why NBC beats Fox in the "let's manufacture drama & suspense" department), until ultimately Face was announced as the group going home. I personally...along with probably everyone else who watched, judging from the fiery (and eerily, almost universally pro-Face) comments on the NBC message board and the other recaps already gone up...would have sent Voices of Lee home. They just were...pretty darn boring. The whole vocal rock band thing was much more exciting, even if Face gave a performance that was somewhat of a non-starter.  (Their farewell performance of "Home" was a bit more put together and rocky, ironically.) Still...I'm not terribly distressed about it (the NBC message board posters are a different story, I saw so many "Face is amazing! The judges are stupid! I'll never watch this again!" posts that I wanted to slap them about the face...that pun was really not intended, for once), and Voices of Lee, barring a heinous mis-decision, will have their "Swan Song" pretty darn quickly.
• Beelzebubs: The second wave of 4 kicked off with a group I admit I had opinions formed about from the start...that would be the group of hopelessly dorky college guys from Tufts, the Beelzebubs. Starting off, their name is the devil...second, the performance clip that NBC had on their site the week before the show was "Right Round"...an ode to, well, something that should only occur after marriage, and even then it's an awkward subject. So we can safely say I was not very much a fan of the Beelzebubs (I refuse to use their annoying "Bubs" nickname, sorry) before this premiere performance. But I actually enjoyed it...the song was fun, their execution wild and free (though most certainly a bit too overbearing), and their pitch...well, like Ben, anytime I might have noticed them going flat or something, they distracted me with a really cool bit of choreography. Like that human train thing...that was amazing! All things considered, I still don't like 'em, Jasper (101 Dalmatians quote!), but they did definitely earn their spot in the Tuesday show with this energetic performance.
• Maxx Factor: Their name totally reminds of Max Factor, and then of lipstick, and then I'm confused because I'm not entirely sure who Max Factor really was. Anyhow...these ladies really charmed me. I mean, it's cool enough that they're in their 40s and 50s, still singing a cappella music and keeping the barbershop tradition alive...but they even picked an ABBA song! OK, that aside, I do admit their performance was a bit...unintentionally (or maybe intentionally?) hilarious/embarrassing-looking, but watching them was tons of fun (they totally had spirit!) and their harmonies were fairly tight, though the 4-member situation was working a number on their blend. I want them to go through and keep on truckin'...but I fear they may get lost in the shuffle with all the younger groups, and the lead vocalist's subpar solo in the opening number was a bit worrisome. Still, I love these ladies, and I wish them the very best. Even if they do inadvertently remind me about the awkward subject of lipstick.
• The SoCals (why do so many bloggers/commenters have issues getting this right?): For the record, this particular group is the SoCals, officially. They're alumni of the SoCal VoCals, a group at USC. There, got it straight? Good. As for their performance...ehhh. It didn't strike me as too creative an arrangement, the lead vocalist is obnoxious, and they lost their key quite a few more times than one would like. (To their credit, which...I'm shocked to say this, Nicole pointed out...they were excellent at uniting around whatever key they had drifted to. I know personally I have a problem shifting to a flat/sharp key and try to stand my ground with the note I know is right...but in an a cappella group, that's pretty much murder.) It just left me kind of cold. I fear this group seems a little too...boring. The fact that they live in LA (not to say it's very easy to get discovered even there, but it does help matters a bit), and that the biggest "sob story" producers could find was that a particular singer has acid reflux in her throat, certainly doesn't help matters. Still, they seem talented and could make this work. But to be truthful, with other groups I like and am interested in much more...I'm not sure I want them to.
• Solo (but not so low you couldn't hear it): The producers saved the most inspiring story for last...then gave us a sucker punch to the gut when it turned out this fledgling group, well...sang just a fledgling group would--not very much together. Shawn's comment that they were living up too much to their name of "Solo" was spot-on...it seemed like they just let everyone sing a solo, and put some random, not very cohesive harmonies behind it. The song choice did not assist them in this--"Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo (it has an Imogen Heap sample!!) is not regarded as a goldmine for a cappella harmonies--and aside from the initially awkward but eventually charming "low" moment for probably the largest member of the group, this performance was kind of sad to watch. Even more sad to watch...
• The 2nd Elimination: Wherein Solo met their unfortunate end, at least on this show. With Maxx Factor and Solo the last two groups to learn their fates, I was a bit worried...and I honestly thought the result could have gone either way. (Sadly, two of my least favorite groups, the devil people and the SoCals, advanced first and second. Bother...) Maxx Factor could have got the axe for their lack of choreography and perception that they're out of their element...but Solo was equally in danger because despite their heartstrings-tugging backstory, they kind of sucked. The judges went for the jugular, and cut Solo just minutes after they gave their first, and last regular performance of the competition. Ouch. Again, I'm not horribly sad that they were the ones chosen to leave...after all, they didn't really bring anything to the "cohesive, amazing a cappella group" table...but this was their chance! Well...hopefully they'll get another one. And practice a bit more. (Or maybe those people are right and they really were created by NBC, in which case they'll be just fine.) Then again, they did choose "I Will Survive" for their "swan song"...of course, Kelly Osbourne chose that for her freestyle and got third place. So--it could go either way.

So that's it...or is it? You didn't think you'd get away without me critiquing the judges and the host, would you? (Well, you might have, since if you're reading this now, you probably haven't read anything else on my blog.) Well, brace yourself for the good, bad, and the (very attractive, as one of my roommates correctly noted) ugly...

• "Ben Folds: the best reality TV judge ever." Many a blog about "The Sing-Off" today (there should be more!) has had some form of this headline grace it. And they're right...Ben Folds, in addition to being an interesting and fairly talented/amazing singer/songwriter, can judge an a cappella singing competition like nobody's business...he knows music! He's critical by being constructive, not like a viper! (Cough cough, Simon...) He doesn't play favorites maddeningly! (I continue my cough.) And he's pretty darn funny, as demonstrated during the hilarious moment when he gave the deadpan instructions to Noteworthy that "it needs more cussing." (Unfortunately, I'm not sure all of the members realized that was a joke...well, Ben Folds DOES cuss a bit in his music...so that's understandable.) Anyhow, Mr. Folds is fun ("ahhh...LOOK OVER THERE!"), to the point, helpful, and just plain awesome. I'd be willing to replace Randy (oh please, please!) or even Kara (who I like, but she's expendable) on "American Idol" with this model of judging-related brilliance. Viva la Ben!
• Shawn Stockman: In the immortal...oh, who am I kidding...constant words of the completely annoying Randy Jackson (aforementioned): "It's a'ight, dawg." Shawn put on his best Randy impression last night...and made it a bit better. He actually had some good points, and stuff to say, so he wasn't completely annoying or pointless, but at times he spoke in sound bites, rather than constructive bits of criticism that would actually help the groups get better. (That was dope? I used to wear sweaters like that? 'Onestly, Mr. Stockman, 'onestly...) Still...I don't really mind him. He can stay. On the other hand...
• WHY in the name of Vocal Point is Nicole Scherzinger here at all? She makes Paula look like a Supreme Court justice. (Probably Antonin Scalia.) Between her vapid, "ooh! people singing! without instruments!" comments, the mysterious blowing of her hair, and the fact that she seemed to know nothing about music, and made even kind, "I just can't say anything bad" comments sound stupid...I want her off. Now. (Originally, NBC had a "guest judge" system where the third judges' seat was rotated between the four shows. Unfortunately, they hired Scherzinger for the whole shebang...which means we have three more glimpses of hell shows to endure the utterly nonsensical crap that comes out of the Pussycat Doll's mouth. (By the way...since when does being the lead singer of that group qualify one to judge an a cappella competition? That's like being the lead singer of a computer choir...well, they pretty much are that...albeit with much more scandalous dancing.)
• And of course, the host...Nick Lachey wasn't that great, and in the first part of the show I was mentally calling for him to get fired and replaced...but he sort of grew on me, in his own special way. He's still bland at many moments ("They're singing! A cappella! No instruments, no band! I'm going to tell you this again after the commercial, because you STILL need to know that!"), but he has his charm in some cases. At least we've learned that while looks run in the family (he and his brother Drew share a heartthrob quality that cannot be extinguished, even after most of the teenage girls who lusted after them are now married...), talent does not...Drew did MUCH better than this with his temporary hosting gig on "DWTS" (and permament, albeit short one on "Dance Wars") a few seasons back.

NOW that's it. I just changed the settings on Facebook so this will be posted there...which is probably where you just read this, which I hope you did, because I generally like people to read my posts. Just generally. Anyways, I'll have another recap I'm doing despite the need for studying tonight or tomorrow. Enjoy the show!

Week 4 Results: The Good, The Bad, and The Carter...

Sometimes in our lives...we have pain. We have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know...there's always tomorrow. Or next week. Now that my shamelessly cheesy song quoting is over ("Lean on me!" OK, maybe I lied...), let us press on to the nitty-gritty of the results-show craziness...who got eliminated? Was it shocking? Did I cry? Did Shakira actually wear clothes? The answers to all that, and more...as we proceed:

• The Elimination: Oh darn, I was SO close!!!! Aaron miraculously and delightfully landed in the Bottom 2, and I was almost sure that his obnoxious demeanor, constant whimpering, and general lack of consistent dancing talent had kept him from getting enough votes. Alas, it was not to be (and darn, since he was in the Bottom 2, the votes and drive will pour in next week), and our lovable Iceman, Chuck Liddell, was sent home to his (completely awesome!) kids. Seeing as his two-step last night was the most coherent and comfortable of his 4 dances so far, it was a bit of a premature exit, especially given the presence of Aaron "Brat" Carter in the split-screen with him, but still, we shall survive. (After all, I never voted for old Chuckie.) Now if we only could get Mr. Carter and Ms. Krupa off...THAT would be wonderful.
• The Music: Shakira, Shakira. My opinion on thee is rather mixed. On the one hand, I think you're a colorful character and I like you for that. On the other hand...your songs tend to veer towards the scandalous side. So does your, ahem, dancing. And your voice live? Not so amazing. (Even though, if my little glimpse towards the end of "Hips Don't Lie" was correct, you were pre-recorded.) The good news? She wore much more clothing than I thought she would. Though it would have been wonderful if she had learned about the concept of covering one's back, hips, and arms beforehand. (I'm still holding out for modesty, folks!) Her first song, "Did It Again, " was OK...the Japanese (or Chinese?) drummers were uber-cool, and Shakira herself joining in the intense percussive-ness at the end was very awesome. That said, the song kind of sucked. A lot. The second number, the aforementioned "Hips Don't Lie" (which, by the way, is obvious...hips can't talk! even Shakira's bare ones...), was just as eh, with a weak vocal and awkward rapping by...was that Wyclef Jean? I don't think it was, because they would have mentioned him...anyways, whoever it was, hampering the song's catchiness and fire. (There is not too much of that, though, in the first place...I've never really liked that song...) And the dancing...well, let's just say I won't make my requisite "They should be in the next season!" comment this week, because with Joanna's skankified nonsense this season, I don't think I can take another naughtiness-baiting contestant in the future. (I mean, is it even possible for Shakira to be modest? And that, combined with the prone-to-bare skin costume designers, could create mass inappropriate content. Bleh.)
• The Rest: Candidate for results show segment of the season, right here...the adorable, hilarious, heartwarming interviews with the offspring of Melissa, Mark D., Chuck, and Michael. (Poor 7 other cast members. They have no cute kids to show off.) It was fun, charming, and not too cheesy and/or overdone. It was like a trip back in time to the days of Bill Cosby and the beloved "Kids Say The Darndest Things." Except with just the kids. And the fun. "Vote for my mommy!" Don't worry, Mason Hart...or whatever your last name is, I don't remember...I will! As for the other segment...it was pretty much the opposite. Very depressing and overly dramatic. Of course, only the DWTS producers (did they get an editing lesson from Fox, the king of the splicing together of drama?) would combine all the rehearsal flare-ups and shouting matches into one convenient little package. Bleh. It was not fun. (Well, at least not until Mark shot Nerf darts at the camera. Then it was a little fun.) The pro dancing performance was spicy, and not terribly awkward (Edyta covered her belly! Call the papers!), and I found it interesting how Cheryl and Karina switched partners, while good ol' Alec got to keep his wife to himself. What else happened? Oh, Tom's hosting never fails to charm me. "In the order we like to call no particular..." was pretty much the best improvised line ever. At least, I hope it was improvised. Even if it wasn't, it was still classic. :)

And so we bid farewell to Chuck, as he lassos (really, spell-check? that's how you spell it?) into the DWTS sunset. And we cry (ha ha...) over the fact that the tearful, bratty Mr. Carter still remains. And of course, as always, we'll be back for another week of dancing, recapping, and other antics! See you next week, and cheese out.

Week 4: I Got A Lambada! (And A Two Step, Bolero, and Charleston)

Recognize the quote from "The Lion King 1 1/2" in the title? I hope so, because that movie rocks. Anyhow, back to the matter at hand...we are on to Week 4 of this crazy dance we call life...I mean, "Dancing With The Stars." Hey, was anyone besides me delighted that they brought the disco ball-infused opening (with all of the names showing) returned? I had been missing that. Now we're down to 11...and without further ado, let us two-step on to this bolero of a recap...

• Chuck & Anna (will she EVER stop having weird hair?) T. (17/30, two-step): Anna's strange curl-a-rific hair traveshamockery aside, this was actually one of Chuck's better dances. It wasn't by any means excellent--this is "The Iceman" we're referring to--but the fact that the two-step generally requires a tough-guy persona rather than one's "feminine side" probably worked towards the pro wrestler. And he didn't drop Anna, like she was hoping! (And he didn't throw her, either, which he has been known to nearly do.) He danced at the start of the show, so that may work slightly against him, but he seemed more comfortable and consistent this week, and that's always a plus.
• Magic Melissa & Mark (28/30, charleston): You've probably noticed these last few weeks that I've kept repeating things like, "Can Melissa pull out of the middle of the pack? I think so", and "She has a lot of fear and clumsiness, but she can overcome it." To tell the truth...I wasn't exactly confident in those remarks. And I NEVER thought Melissa would be able to pull off high-20s scores for quite a while. Well, to my delight, I was wrong--the former teenage witch still has it! Her Charleston was zippy, precise, and completely in character. (I was also weirded out, then charmed by, the clever black-and-white opening.) It was a whole new Melissa. Hopefully the 9-point increase and the newfound confidence that she unlocked will follow her into next week. Goodness knows the voters will. Yeah!
• Natalie & Alec (24/30, bolero): It would have taken a lot to top last week's stunning breakthrough of a rumba--and having essentially the same kind of dance doesn't help. Unfortunately, Natalie did fall a bit from the previous dance's electricity--but only 2 points' worth. It was still an excellent, assured dance, with just little improvements needing to be made, much like the judges said. The rehearsal meltdown was tense (and why did you end with it, mean editors?), but not too scary. Alec is a responsible, fair partner (unlike Maks!!!), and in the end, it worked toward the betterment of the dance. At least, I THINK it did. Who knows? Natalie just might get "Better In Time." (I love that song! And I always go for the puns, haven't you caught that by now?)
• Aaron & Karina (18/30, lambada): The boy who cried "low scores!" last week was at it again...being overly expressive and not having much consistency to show for it. His lambada was...here I go, speaking like Len would...a heck of a lot of a bouncing and flailing about. His man-hug moment with Michael (IRVIN--no G, mister!) after the Week 3 show was somewhat nice--if only for the football player's kind words of comfort, rather than Aaron's slightly bratty whining. At least they brought in a REAL expert for the rehearsal, but the fact that it only concentrated on the first five seconds of the dance (the flip, of course) was probably not for the best. Mr. Carter was only a shade off the bottom scores, and you all know how long I've been calling for his elimination. Carrie Ann noted that a lot of people are turned off by Aaron's superficial demeanor--could I not be the only one???
• Mark & Lacey (22/30, two-step): The rehearsal footage was a carnival of random accents...Mark speaking with a Southern drawl and Lacey going all "young grasshopper" on him? Nice. And I thought the Chairman's two-step was pretty darn-tootin' good, a return to form after a few weeks of wandering in OK-Dance Land. He's toned down his wacky arms, channeled his (completely psychotic amount of) energy, and gotten a bit better at the steps. He's not perfect, but he's most certainly getting there. (The budget singer who attempted "Nothin' Better To Do", however, is not. I'm pretty sure she started in the wrong key. That's pretty embarrassing...) And his family got to visit his rehearsal! Cue the "awww"s!
• Kelly & Louise Louis (23/30, charleston): Kelly lost the lead role in "Chicago"? And Samantha actually played it at one point? What?!?!? Give it back to Kelly now!!! (And I had no idea Samantha could sing. Or can she? Well, I suppose her singing skills can't be any worse than her dismal public-speaking ones. Oh, the many awkward interviews...) The dance was vibrant, with a few off steps but full of life and spirit. (Hello, it's a Charleston. Can you NOT have life and spirit?) And thus continues Ms. Osbourne's upward trajectory...bring on the Brit! (Side note: I once thought Louie was creepy...his whole gleeful guitar-playing on Lisa Rinna's stomach a few seasons ago was a bit much for me. This season, that feeling was going away...until he put on makeup. Um...awkward...)
• Joanna & Derek (26/30, [completely scandalous] lambada): For the first time since Week 1, I can freely admit that Joanna's dancing was actually good. So the skills, she has those. Any sort of morals and modesty whatsoever? Judging from this incredibly over-the-line lambada, I severely doubt she has any of that. Her costume was little more than a strip of fabric barely covering what it needed to...which was not much to begin with, and Derek, WHY did you take off your shirt? Why?!?!? As president of the Anti-Heartthrob League, I must openly censure your scandalousness. This kind of exposure is strictly forbidden ("shh, forbidden"...), much like the lambada used to be. The innuendo the judges indulged in was only the tipping point of the R-rated-ness going on...and to think that a commenter on ABC's website welcomed the raunch, saying that DWTS has been "too conservative before now." To that guy, I say...go away, sicko. To Joanna and Derek, I say...pretty much the same thing. With an "s" at the end, because there's two of them.
• Donny & Kym (24/30, charleston): Ahh, things are back to normal over in Mr. Osmond's segment...pretty much. Tom's crack at the beginning about the locations where Bruno and Donny could reside...and the "Donny! Bruno! Donny! Bruno!" playful love-fest were funny, rather than awkward, and there was no unwarranted smooching at the judges' table this time around. And the dance was pretty fun! Ironically, for this more theatrical dance, it was a bit less Broadway-like than Donny's first-week can-can of a dance, and it worked pretty well. And they threw a little "Hello, Dolly!" in! (Special place in my heart alert...I totally was in that musical in 9th grade.) Charming, fun, and energetic. The non-fainting Osmond is back to his strengths. (Side note: Samantha described the process as, "They dance. I talk. You vote." Can we take out the "I talk" part? It's not that important.)
• Michael & Anna D. (16/30, bolero): Poor Michael. He can't get much content in his routines, he can't get the love from the judges (even Bruno, who's going to be in a GOP commercial any day now with his "you're like the economy...every week, we keep expecting you to get better, and nothing happens!" comment...a gay British/Italian in a Republican ad? That would be classic), and in essence, he just can't catch a break. He's full of spirit, dedication, and confidence...but it's not just clicking. Much like the judges said, it was disjointed and lacking of any real movement...it just didn't work. (Even with the nice song that I've never heard and now really like.) Michael can do much better than this, and we know it. And Anna, despite her newcomer status, can be a much better and effective teacher. Come on, MVP! Unleash your inner dancer! The question is, will America let him? Once again, I bring up last season's resident football player/crank, Lawrence Taylor...he stayed in for quite a while, and he was boring and sucked. Michael is exciting and has potential. Give him a chance, folks.
• Louie & Chelsie (16/30, two-step): The problem with these new dances? The pros are often at a loss. Unfortunately, this charming pair got stuck with the short-straw situation of having neither of them know how the heck to do a two-step. And of course, they made the fun, but not very helpful, decision to visit last season's zero-to-hero (except for when he lasted longer than Lil'Kim...she could DANCE!) Ty Murray. The segment on his ranch was hilarious (getting knocked over by a bale of hay? nice...), but it didn't appear to make any improvements to the dance. I love Chelsie and like Louie, but it was very awkward. As Carrie Ann pointed out, it was basically just Chelsie pulling out all the stops and Louie not really knowing what to do. Hopefully this admittedly woeful week won't end Mr. Vito's excellent dancing run. We need him to stay, he's fun...and we can't eliminate Chelsie!! (Besides, her brother still hasn't seen her dance!)
• Mya and Dmitry (28/30, lambada!): Now, THEY got a lambada! (Hakuna matata! :) ) It was sultry but not over-the-top, precise but not soulless, complex but not overly intricate. In short...perfection, something that Mya has (predictably, but consistently) brought out pretty much every week. Len's still being his cranky British self and pooh-poohing the amazingness for absolutely no reason whatsoever (I loved Carrie Ann's and Bruno's back-to-back 10-paddle protest, by the way), but who cares about him? Well, perhaps Mya herself does...she made me incredibly nervous with her "we need to please the judges and simplify the choreography" theme (for many a dancer in previous seasons it has ended in disappointment), but thankfully she's amazing enough that her and Dmitry's "compromise" turned out excellently. Still, listen to Mr. Chaplin, Mya! He knows how to dance, and...you do. Well, he knows to choreograph, and...oh, you know how to do that too. Um...maybe you should just do what works. That's good advice, isn't it?

(I'm changing this up a little bit):


They Rocked Our Socks!: Mya, Melissa, Natalie, and Kelly, and Mark.


I Love 'Em, But The Dance Didn't: Louie and Michael.


The Jury's Out: Donny (great, just no votes from me yet) and Chuck.


Eliminate Them...Now!: Joanna the scandal, and Aaron the whiner.


With the results show ominously approaching in fourteen minutes, I must bid you (whoever you are, who somehow reads this blog) adieu. Keep reading, and keep dancing! Cheese out!

Week 3 Results: It Takes Two

Surprise! Tonight, not one couple left, but TWO! But why? And how? And...when? Well, you know when. And I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. Not that it's that suspenseful anyway...especially if you see the previous post...

• The Eliminations (notice the s): Well, Entertainment Weekly, E! Online, and People.com were correct. Tom DeLay did indeed bow out of the competition tonight--gracefully, of course. It's always sad when a competitor has to withdraw early (example: Misty May-Treanor two seasons ago. BRING HER BACK, you fiends!!!), even if, as in Tom's case, said competitor was not abundantly amazing at dancing. But "The Hammer"--I might as well call him that, Tom Bergeron does it enough--had a heck of a lot of heart, and his dances were always interesting to watch. (And not in a Cloris Leachman-y kind of way.) And he was in the bloomin' House of Representatives! Where else can you get a politician dancing to "Wild Thing" and "Why Can't We Be Friends?" Nowhere, that's where. So I will miss Mr. DeLay, and I hope they follow through on their promise to bring him back for the finale for a final Texas Two-Step, unlike their broken promise to Misty to let her dance her jive eventually. Once again I say: BRING HER BACK! As for the actual elimination, Debi was fiery, determined, and gave Maks' advanced stage of crankiness a run for its money. She had potential...actual potential, not like "oh, you have potential...to suck!" potential, and she was fun to watch. Well, unless her costume was missing a midriff, like last night. (It's not that much more fabric! Don't follow Edyta's scandalous example, folks!) That aside, it's not a fun thing to say goodbye to Debi, but there are quite a few other excellent and/or rapidly developing dancers to love. We'll miss you, lady who said she has monkey arms! :)
• The Music: Queen Latifah is amazing. That said...she should stick to singing. At least when performing live, as her new single ("Fast Car," it was called...I was hoping for a cover of the haunting Tracy Chapman number, but alas, I was not in luck) was a bit ungainly. The best part, of course, was when she sang. The rapping was just...it didn't fit her. I think of her as a classy, unique lady. And when she raps, it just doesn't work. Maybe it sounds better on record...though judging from the 30-second clips I methodically listened to from her new album, back when it came out, probably not. Her second number..."Ease On Down The Road" (which according to my later research, is from "The Wiz"), was much, MUCH better. She had a fire in her vocals, even if she didn't engage in too much riffing, and she danced! (Season 10 contestant? Ch-yes!) The routine was just a delightful spectacle of music and dance--it even got the audience, including Christian Slater and...oh, I have "Forgotten" her name... (fitting, huh?) from the show right after "DWTS," called, you guessed it, "The Forgotten." (It looks painfully by-the-numbers, BTW.) And the Harold Wheeler band was hot! (Well, they pretty much always are. Even the budget singers...on occasion...) So the vibrant Ms. Latifah is one for two. Fair enough.
•  The Rest: Aaron and Joanna were in jeopardy! Hallelujah! Whether that means they actually received a dismal amount of viewer votes or not, or was just a shameless tease, I don't know, but the possibility of their elimination put great joy in my heart. Alas, Mel B did not win America's ultimate favor in the "Design-a-Dance" contest. But guess who did? My favorite dancer I never voted for, Sabrina Bryan! I was a jerk in Season 5, and was all for Marie (and the aforementioned Miss Melanie Brown, of course!!!) rather than the clearly superior Cheetah Girl Sabrina. I had a random, kind of unfounded gripe with her personality. I changed my tune when Ms. Bryan and Mark came back to do a results-night dance...and looked like two perfectly matching professionals! It boggled my mind and I apologize for thinking the (charming and hilarious, but not perfect as a dancer) woman who brought us the horror that was the Doll dance (shudder, shudder) was better than one of the best dancers ever to grace the "DWTS" floor. This doesn't mean I don't like Marie...I still do...but this does mean I'm abundantly glad to have Sabrina be the pick. At least it wasn't Helio...ugh. What else? Chuck and Anna as the encore dance? I don't know what you find entertaining, Mr. Goodman, but the Iceman's "samba" was not so for me. And watching it again...it was still pretty eh. (At least I can watch Mya's rrrumba over and over again on YouTube. I don't need your stinking encore. :) ) JabbawockeeZ was (were?) pretty darn sweet. And even though having Mark B. and Lacey as the ballyhooed "special guests" might have been an anticlimax, they sure know how to keep up with the WockeeZ. There was the typical "celebrities talk about each other" segment that was nice to watch, and the bit at the end where the Woz, Matthew Berry (some guy on ESPN I've vaguely heard of), and...a toddler, no joke...predicted the winner was chuckle-inducing. It was nice to see Steve (what they call The Woz in the real world) again, as his unbridled love for all things mathematical is pretty darn charming. (This is coming from a person who hates math, too.)

The results are in! The voters have spoken. The two departed couples have danced their last dance. Will they actually eliminate someone next week? Who knows? They might just make one of the double eliminations coming up a single, or they might give a free pass to the lowest-scoring dancer for Week 4 instead. You can never tell what those crazy producers will do. As for now, tune in next week for another exciting...recap! Cheese out!

Breaking News: The Elephant Is Out?

Hey, my first piece of news to go on this blog! Except it's not that great, especially if you're a fan of the show's resident Republican. According to some (not exactly verified) reports, Tom DeLay is to bow out of "DWTS" at the results show tonight, due to his injuries. Is this true? Probably. Could it be false, like that Maya Angelou hospital rumor that was viciously floating around the other day? Of course. I like Tom and his understated wackiness, but seeing as both of his feet are pretty much out of commission, and feet are quite important for this dancing thing, I think an early departure just might be the right thing to do. But if he wants to press on, contrary to these reports...then I commend him. Here's the link to the Entertainment Weekly news brief (with subsequent links to the 2 original reports, if you're intrested):


http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/10/06/report-tom-delay-to-bow-out-of-dancing-with-the-stars/

Week 3: Kiss And...Oh, Please, Don't Tell...

And so we dance on to another week of competition...a WEIRD third week of competition. There was, ahem, an inexplicable intimate moment between a judge and contestant, exceptionally cranky scores from our (favorite?) curmudegeonly Brit, and the appearance (and an interview with) the typically loopy Paula Abdul, kindergarten-esque nicknames and all. Perhaps I should go listen to some late-era Beatles to get some sense of normal. (Yes, tonight was that strange, that I would turn to psychedelic drug music to readjust myself to reality. :) ) Bearing the fact that this night of competition was psychotic all on its own, let's venture into that strange thing we call a recap.

• Mark & Lacey (18/30, rumba): Hi-yah! OK, so Mr. Dacascos hasn't brought kung fu (officially) into his routine since Week One's little number, but watching him dance, you can definitely tell his years of practice in the art have informed his dancing. And not necessarily in a good way. Still, I enjoyed his rumba, even if it was a bit choppy (like the "waters off Nantucket," if you can catch that obscure "Arthur" reference...). I agree with Carrie Ann, he does have the quality of...well, not Joanna, but yes, Mya, but he needs some more fluidity. I do NOT agree with her comment, however, that his rumba was uncomfortable to watch. I liked it. It just needed a bit more finesse.
• (Good morning) Joanna & Derek (23/30, samba): Continuing in my gentle but firm referendum on Ms. Krupa's lack of charm and middling dancing talent, I didn't find her samba too delightful. It seemed a little disconnected, and I just don't see how she puts any emotion in her dancing. That, and Derek telling her to "make it nasty"? Watch yourself, Hough. She already wears next to no clothes, anyway. (Though ironically, this week, billed as "the sexiest week of competition," played host to her most modest costume...though "modest" would most certainly not be a word to describe it. "Candidate for Edyta's winter collection" might be a better name.) From the pointless rope-swing at the beginning (ugh, Derek) to the bitter end, not to mention a song I've always hated ("sex-y..." Ugh...), I'm still not following Joanna's moves. 
• Mya & Shirtless Guy Dmitry (27/30, rrrumba!!!): Dmitry returned to his wicked ways this week (it's like his chest can't resist the enticement of being exposed), but I didn't really care...this dance was intense! Even to a song slapped with the dubiously open title of "Underneath Your Clothes," they turned up the romance and heat, but kept down the scandalousness. It was, as Lady Inaba dubbed it, "mesmerizing." Unfortunately, Len was not mesmerized, and instead took off THREE bloomin' points over small and perplexing quibbles over content and the dance being "too crazy." (I don't think the dance was the crazy thing, Mr. Goodman.) And did anybody else notice Bruno always acting defiant with his higher-than-Len scores? I found it hilarious, he seemed like a rebellious child that was actually right. Anyways, with a beauty of movement and a truly delightful on-screen persona (is it possible to dislike her? I think not), Mya is the one to beat. Viva la Mya!
• Melissa & Mark (19/30, samba): Once again, it wasn't exactly... (insert some other word besides "magic" in here...I need to stop these puns!), but it was still a joy to watch. Melissa seemed more at home tonight, but like the judges said, she still has a ways to go in confidence and precision. Can she do this, however, what with all her (admittedly charming) tripping and falling in rehearsal? I think she can. She did, after all, play a teenage witch. :)
• Louie & Chelsie (20/30, rumba): Holy chemistry! Up until now, Louie has been one of those typical middle-of-the-pack players, doing well but not perfect, not even living up to the fish-out-of-water "Ty Murray" standard on some occasions. Well, Mr. Vito shook off those chains tonight...his routine was full of intensity and romance. The really cool thing about it was that rather than relying on sex appeal and overly physical-ness, it seemed really genuine and pure. Louie and Chelsie gave a lot of tension and elegance, rather than just getting "down and dirty." Are they the most endearing couple to come across "DWTS"? Probably. It was a real treat to watch them, and if they can keep this up, they have finals to look forward to. And a message to Len: What?!?!? Don't you get tired of disagreeing with Carrie Ann and Bruno all the time? The only dance you scored higher than another judge was bloomin' Joanna, and the only other dances you didn't score lower than another judge was Mark's triple-six (aah, bad!) rumba and Donny's (oh, Donny...) 7-7-7 (lucky?) performance of the same dance. There's a line between providing a different viewpoint and just being off your head. You have crossed that line. Perhaps YOU need "a check up from the neck up, son."
• Debi & Maks (17/30, samba): This week's rehearsal footage was awesome! Not for Debi's newfound vow not to talk...goodness, Maks, can't you let her say "I didn't do that right"?? It's not going to kill you. So yes, not for the continual Debi-Maks light argument-fest. For another reason entirely...MEL B!!!! The sultry-voiced Brit made a delightful appearance in the rehearsal package, and I loved her playful statement that she was "always right" in her and Maks's many arguments. (Oh, and I remember many of them...Maks, be nice!) Of course, I would love her reciting the phone book...but I digress. Debi's dance? Her awkward (yet authentic) costume aside (why couldn't you have kept on the jacket?), I didn't think her dance was too terrible, though I did concur with Carrie Ann and Co. that it was a bit too "safe." Bring out that fire, Debi...and hopefully America will give her a chance to do so. If not, then we have a bunch of other great dancers...and hopefully Shawn or Kristi will stop by their rehearsals. :)
• Donny (?!?!?) & Kym (21/30, rumba): In what is likely to be styled something to the effect of "Smoochgate" or "Fake-Out Makeout," Donny got close to Bruno...VERY close. More on that in a second. Mr. Osmond's dance? OK. He seemed a little disconnected from Kym (especially during the out-of-place solo towards the beginning), and...aagh, I'm giving credibility to a Bruno quote...was a bit "airy-fairy," at least arm-wise. All that, however, took a huge back seat to The Kissing...out of completely NOWHERE, after Bruno had spoken a few sentences, Donny grabbed him in an embrace, planted a kiss on his cheek, and while Mr. Tonioli was still trying to finish his critique, simulated what must have been one of the most awkward, choppy makeout sessions in the world. I would have (somewhat) understood Donny doing this if Bruno had said something like, "Act like you're taking Kym in your arms and giving her a kiss," or "You're not being passionate enough!" But there was no such comment, so Mr. Osmond's actions just completely weirded me out. (Perhaps he and his sister have a contest to see who can have the most outrageous "DWTS" moment. Seeing as her faint was a bit involuntary...Puppy Love Donny wins.) Samantha...oh, Samantha...didn't do any favors with a typically squirm-inducing comment: "Maybe you should have given him tongue." My sister texted me and sagely remarked, "I'm scarred for life." My reply? "Me too."
• Paula &...Complete Insanity (????, ????): Paula wasn't a dancer, but if you think I was going to go without commenting on her eerily wacky interview with Mr. Bergeron, you've got another thing coming. There was the playful jab at Tom: "I was just doing fine until you came and sat next to me and disturbed me!" that fell abundantly flat; the childish and not very funny name-calling: "Mr. Goodman, you are being Mr. Badman tonight. I'm wondering if we should call him Len-Sime, or Sime-Len."; and finally, the completely outlandish and awkward proposition: "Carrie Ann, you and me should make out." Methinks Ms. Abdul needs a new image consultant. Because that 5-year-old she has now sure isn't doing any good. (Don't worry, he only has to wait 11 years until he reaches the legal working age in most states.)
• Michael & Anna D. (14/30, samba): Poor Michael. He just can't get a break...his scores have been back and forth the past two weeks, and tonight was another low point for the lovable linebacker. (I don't really know if he really is a linebacker...but don't kill my alliterative dreams!) His chipper, dedicated personality still leaps off the screen and shows on the dance floor, but his samba was full of arm extensions and weird steps. I wouldn't have slapped it with the abysmally low scores the three judges did, but it was clearly far from perfect. Michael has the tools...and he has the charm. I really hope that the voters have given him a chance to develop those tools and become an Emmitt Smith or Warren Sapp, rather than...a Lawrence Taylor.
• Natalie & Alec (26/30, rumba): The swimmer has left the building, the dancer has emerged! Natalie's rumba was chock-full of intensity and fire...even if she & Alec had not included the fog machine and the random split-thing at the beginning, I still would have felt the tension and romance that was permeating their routine. Spurred by an appearance by Edyta, wearing an uncharacteristically moderate amount of clothing (and Samantha for once was right, Ms. Sliwinska had given Natalie permission to go "all out" rather than "all the way" with her husband...David Letterman can tell you there's a key difference there), Ms. Coughlin has channeled her athleticism and dedication into her dancing...and it really shows. Yay, a front-runner besides Joanna and Aaron (and Mya, too, but I love Mya)! Go for the gold, Natalie! (OK, so I'm not done with the puns...)
• Chuck & Anna Big-Hair T. (17/30, samba): A wrestler that gets regular pedicures with his daughter? If you need a candidate for the Celebrity Dad of the Year award, look no further. But if you are searching for the one to take it all and garner the mirrorball trophy? Go look somewhere else. Chuck had the ruffles, he had the partner with the big hair, and (for once!) he had the smile. But the steps? Those he did not possess. Big points for being such a sweet father...but those points were almost completely lost by his clunky samba.
• Mr. Expressive (AKA Aaron) & Karina (21/30, rumba): Yes! The unworthy front-runner has fallen! OK, so that was a bit harsh, but with my dislike of Mr. Carter, I was delighted that tonight the washed-up pop starlet's love-fest with the judges ended. His rumba wasn't horrible, but just like the judges said (for once, they nailed it on the nose! oops, that's two metaphors...), it needed some nuance and fluidity. One need look no further than his fake, Kathy Ireland-with-a-bit-of-lemon-juice on-screen persona to find the root of the problem. I mean, the guy's voice sounds like he's on helium. I doubt that's how he naturally speaks...stop concentrating on sound bites and sunny statements, you sound like a whiner. Again, I am being harsh here...but I feel it is true. Tone the act down, Mr. Carter, and you just may find a tiny bit of my favor.
• Tom & Cheryl (15/30, samba): Now, I've watched "DWTS" since season 2. I've seen injury after injury, health issue after health issue. From Marie's aforementioned faint to Cristian's arm getting hurt mid-dance, I've been there for pretty much everything. But a man in his sixties who nearly dropped his partner last week dancing despite doctors' and producers' advice otherwise, and intense pain in BOTH FEET? I was so scared he, or Cheryl, could get hurt--on national television, no less--that I said a quick prayer beforehand, no joke. Celebrity or not, I was afraid injuries could happen, and that they might be serious. Thankfully, my fears were allayed. The former Majority Leader pulled it through and came up with a serviceable, charming samba. Extra points for the rear-shaking (this time it was...somewhat...constructive...), cheeky pointing at himself during the line "I'd kinda like to be the President" (SO not happening, but it's good to dream), and the money-toss during the succeeding part of the song "so I can find out how your money's spent." (But wait, why are they throwing away money in this economy? Silly Republicans.) The technique was very far gone, and you could tell that Tom had a lot of pain (which made his dancing a bit more clunky), but it wasn't as much of a trainwreck as I thought it would be. And any dance that features a political theme in its costumes wins my (symbolic, I haven't dialed for Tom since Week One) vote.
• Kelly & Louis (20/30, samba): The Lady Gaga (I prefer to call her the Pop Tart Who Must Not Be Named) number was 1-800-Disgusting, but Kelly's dancing? Heading back to greatness. Her samba was a bit patchy at moments, but had lots of fire, and I always saw a smile on Ms. Osbourne's face. She was having the time of her life, but also kept her steps, for the most part, in order. She does need to listen to Carrie Ann's advice and keep her confidence up...but Kelly's back! Wow us next week, and you just might have a ticket to Mirrorball Land.

My Faves: Natalie, Louie, Melissa, Kelly, Mark, and Mya.

Make Like A (Dancing!) Tree And Leaf: Joanna, Aaron, and Chuck.

Aw, You're OK, I Guess: Michael, Debi, Tom, and Donny.

So there it is...the weirdest "DWTS" performance episode in recent memory. I recommend you spend the two hours until the results show trying to exorcise the mental image of Donny and Bruno's smooching. (Oh great, now I have another hour of therapy...) Or you could, you know, actually be productive. Whatever floats your boat. :) See you after the elimination, and for now, cheese out!

The Playlist Is Up. The Dancing Shall Commence. :)

I got the "DWTS" related playlist (courtesy of the deliciously cool playlist.com) up! Most of the songs are ones related to dancing in general ("We're All In The Dance," "Save The Last Dance for Me, of course "Dancing With Myself," etc.), and I also will add as the season progresses, any songs that are danced to on the show that I enjoy. (Currently on there...hey, there weren't many I liked...are "Grace Kelly," "The Best Is Yet To Come," "I Want You Back," and "Ran Kan Kan.") In addition, I will add any cool guest performers' songs, like the amazing Joss Stone! (Well, once I can find any of her music on the Playlist.com thingy...) Enjoy the music, and enjoy the recaps! Cheese out!

Week 2 Results: Taking Care of Business (Moguls)

Well, another week of "DWTS" has come and gone. Once again, the elimination was pretty spot-on, and I didn't mind one bit. In fact, I actually welcomed it. Why, do you ask? Read on and find out. Plus hear about all the crazy results-show randomness that went on, as well. Three, two one...RECAP! :)

• The Elimination: It was Kathy, in the ballroom, with the frilly pink dress. Ms. Ireland never got the hang of dancing, and I definitely never got the hang of her stiff personality. She was nice...but it was a stilted, measured kind of nice. The kind that puts you to sleep. Very, very slowly. So, as you can see, I'm not sad to see her go. The dance floor will be more interesting without her. That said, she tried, and she had fun. Good for her. Now she can get back to her kids (cue sincere "awww"), and take care of her billion-dollar domestic retail empire. Side note: Ms. Kmart (last time I'll call her that) earned family-friendly points (with me, at least) by editing the meaning of "katony" as "bad donkey couple," rather than...oh, just think of the Bible. And what they call donkeys there. (I didn't even realize it until about thirty seconds later...which tells you how fast my reaction time is...and also made it a bit more funny. Yay for being clean!)
• The Music (since I watched the whole show this time, I'm going to split "The Other Stuff" category to make this more organized-ish): Joss Stone just may be the best live performer on "DWTS" in a long time. Her voice was pitch-perfect (a rarity in "DWTS" singing territory) and delicious. Her backup singers were feisty. Her wardrobe was classy (though I could have used some sleeves and whatnot). And she even threw in a little light dancing (future contestant?!?). The producers were wise to give her two songs, rather than to the underwhelming but passable Selena Gomez, another Disney darling trying to make her way in the music scene. Gomez was OK at singing...and it's to be applauded that she's going the slightly-alternative route...but still, I can't imagine her getting too far with such by-the-numbers talents, and a cookie-cutter band. Sorry, Selena. I didn't feel the magic. (Yeah, ANOTHER person I can make lame magic puns with!)
• The Rest: I kind of liked the revelation format they used tonight--grouping couples by their score, since there were 2-4 at every level. It was a good way to deal with the mammoth cast (I still can't believe there's still THIRTEEN people...) The bad thing...Debi landing in the Bottom 2. While I wouldn't die if she got booted...well, I wouldn't die if anyone got booted, come to think of it...anyways, what I'm saying is that she's somewhat expendable, I'd like her to stay around for a bit. She's engaging, fun, and she needs to teach Maks a lesson or two. (Maybe these 7 or so seasons have been getting to him.) So America, keep the Mazar in! Aaron and Joanna, you can kick out till the cows come home. Other random comments: We get to vote for a former star to be in the "Design-a-Dance"! Except HOW am I supposed to choose between Shawn, Kristi, and MEL B?!?!? This is a decision that will most certainly divide my soul. (Or something like that.) And backstage in the middle of the show, how did Samantha not bring up something about Donny saying "you can't breathe" with all the tension during elimination night, with Natalie, she who holds her breath chronically, right next to her? (After all, she did go for the "Shall we dance?" pun last night with Kathy.) It would have totally worked! Maybe she thought that since Natalie never breathes anyway, the nervousness of the results show wouldn't make a difference. Who knows? The segment about the new dance training center was snazzy. Do they really help/spy on each other? If so, I eagerly await the spin-off show chronicling the lives of the contestants while training. It could be like a fun, not disgusting "Big Brother"!

Before I end this recap, I bid a fond farewell...oops, that sounds like he's dying...OK, a hearty wave goodbye to our excellent guest judge for the week, Baz Luhrmann. He held his own with the judges, giving excellent, specific critiques (a la Carrie Ann, Len, and...on a good day, Bruno...) and giving some generous scores to deserving contestants. I even liked him better than Michael Flatley a few seasons ago! After all, Baz had a much cooler accent. (Australian with a hint of...exotic-ness? Heck yes! :) ) Hopefully he'll be back again sometime. He pretty much rocked.

That's all for now! Come back next week for more delicious recap fun. And I should be getting up that dance-related playlist within the night or week. If there is anyone actually reading this, tell your friends, and be sure to follow! Cheese out! :)

Week 2: The Steps Were Quick & The Dancing Was Jive

Hola, amigos! We proceed to yet another week (actually, only the second) of America's favorite dance competition...at least, their favorite one with wacky celebrities. This week, the guys and girls danced together in one show...which is cool, because we can see them all together...but annoying, because I have about 40 minutes to write about 14 dancers, all while watching about half of the show for the ones I didn't see. Crunch time? That would be a yes. And while Hulu is quite graciously playing last night's episode for me...let us press on into recap-land!

• Joanna and Derek (20/30, jive): "Good morning Joanna." (Sorry, just had to indulge myself with a creepy "Stepford Wives" quote there...) Judging as she tied for first place last week, it may be surprising that I still don't like Joanna. But I just don't. For starters, he seems to be in a competition with (the thankfully departed) Edyta for who can wear the least clothes. I literally closed my eyes at some points because of its severe lack of fabric and presence of...ahem, certain upper elements. And the dance itself was, like the judges said, not so clean. And (am I turning into Len?), it wasn't really a jive. More like an excuse for Ms. Krupa to exhibit (quite a lot of) her body, and sorta kinda look good at dancing. It didn't really succeed...at least with me. Maybe the voters'll do a Sabrina and send her home for her 4-point drop! We can only hope. (That sounded vicious. I don't really care, to tell the truth. Maybe I really AM turning into Len...)
• Natalie & Alec (21/30, quickstep): I was charmed by Natalie's potential-full salsa last week, and this week's improved quickstep was no different. It was adorably disturbing that Ms. Coughlin forgets to breathe...she IS a mermaid! Perhaps we should name her Ariel. (Like my sister!) Her propensity to hold her breath aside, she is making great progress as a dancer, and I agree with Carrie Ann, Natalie is fun to watch. (Even while being forced to QUICKSTEP to "I Want You Back"...love the song, but it's definitely not a quickstepping tune.) Can the "Queen of the Chlorine" (oh, Tom, you and your rhymes...) pull out of the middle of the pack, though? With a ringing endorsement from the aforementioned Ms. Inaba and a strong sense of commitment, as long as Natalie keeps those smiles and moves coming, methinks she will.
• Chuck & Anna T. (19/30, tango): The Iceman still has "mid-season elimination" written all over him, though the tango he turned in tonight (alliteration!) was a bit more technically sound. I personally thought it was a bit too jerky (remember me saying that Chuck could actually throw Anna around? he kind of did...), but he is doing better, and he is sure to survive at least a few weeks longer. (At least if Anna stops ripping his shirt open at the end of the dance. That part was a bit too Dmitry-ish for my taste.)
• Melissa & Mark (19/30, jive): She's still bewitchingly awkward. (Come on, do you think I can stay away from the puns?) But tonight she added a bit of skill and finesse, and above all, confidence to that awkwardness, jiving to her heart's content in yet another Mark-approved polka-dotted ensemble. (I clearly remember Shawn and Kristi BOTH being subjected to the Minnie look. I smell stale ideas, Mr. Ballas...) Part of the dance didn't exactly click, but especially in the second half, the artist formerly known as Sabrina really took off. Keep getting better, Melissa! And by the way, if you folks ever want to imagine what I would be like on "DWTS," just watch Ms. Hart's rehearsal footage...and multiply the clumsiness by a hundred. And ten. :)
• Michael & Anna D. (20/30, quickstep): The rehearsal-ness was a mixed bag...Michael dropped some form of expletive and seemed frustrated at first. Then he got intense...and he and Anna (with a D.) practiced deep into the night. Every day. All this commitment didn't prepare for me for what was to come...Michael brought the energy! With the biggest and most genuine of smiles, looked like he was having the time of his life, period. With a vibrancy that pretty much diametrically opposes the severe grumpiness of last season's football player, Michael's quickstep came alive even with a few wonky steps. Even with a dismal (and somewhat undeserved) 13 last week, the Woz he is not. Dance on, Mr. Irvin! You've got a lot of heart.
• Debi & Maks (21/30, tango): Does Maks consider it his job to make all his partners cry? Of course, Denise last season would have cried even if she would have been paired with a kindly grandfather, but really, Mr. Chmerkovskiy needs to tone down the jerk-ness. She has a mean slap, and she's not afraid to use it! As for Debi's tango, it was appropriately intense and skillful. Debi isn't completely there yet (much like the disturbingly weird Bela Lugosi-like arrangement of "Roxanne"...Sting should sue), but she's pretty darn good already. Keep your eyes on the prize, Ms. Mazar, and you just may be able to prove to that mean little Maks that you can make it on the dance floor!
• Louie & Chelsie (19/30, jive): The young snowboarder certainly didn't do himself any favors in the costume department...a hood for a jive? A HOOD?!?! (Though it did provide a very weird, but hilarious opportunity for Bruno to say "in da hood," as only Bruno can...) But as for his dancing, I really enjoyed it. I didn't really see too much of the rhythmic and footwork-wise mistakes that the judges picked on him about...but maybe it's just the high-speed Hulu viewing getting to me. He's fun, he's a fish out of water, and he is increasing in his potential (rather than just letting it sit there). And surprisingly limber for someone who's never danced before. Yeah, Louie!
• Aaron & Karina (AKA Kermit &...Miss Piggy?!?!) (27/30, quickstep): Whereas during Debi's rehearsal footage I wanted to join in the mean-Maks slapfest, here I wanted to clock Aaron one for being such a brat. Whining and making excuses? That earns you no points in my book. On the contrary, I cannot wait until the week when Aaron invariably slips up somehow and, hopefully, America has the good sense to kick him to the curb. It takes a lot of empty cutesiness and fake charm (which Mr. Carter has by the boatload) for me to be left cold by a dance involving two Muppets ("Animal! Animal!")...by the way, how is it fair that they got to use them? Next week, Kelly should call dibs on Beaker...but believe you me, Aaron certainly did it. His dancing may be competent, but his personality is definitely not.
• Kelly! & Louis (19/30, tango): Ah, poor Kelly! She shot so amazingly out of the gate last week, but this week, thanks to nervousness, her tango was a bit underwhelming. At least to the judges...I may be stricken with a case of lovestruck bias, but I thought her dance was none too bad. It was classy, if a bit disjointed at parts. Whatever you thought of it, it most certainly did not mean the former "wild child" should be booted from the competition. If America sends her home...I just may cry. After all, she's so modest and charming! Perhaps I'll make a visit to my Mel B shrine before the results show...OK, I'm not THAT obsessed... :)
• Ms. Kmart Kathy & Tony (18/30, quickstep): Last week, I was wholeheartedly calling for this stilted businesswoman's ouster. This week is no different, folks...Ms. Ireland's dance once again lacked charm, excitement, and energy. The song was bland, and Kathy was even more so. Her sound bites are still painfully awkward ("Tomorrow night, we're bringin' i-uh-i-uh-it..."), and she's plumb crazy if she thought she brought (hey, rhyme!) the "real Kathy." Send her home. Like Carrie Ann said (hey, I agree with her a lot, do I not?), with 14 dancers, you have to stand out, and the only way the Kmart lady stood out was in how monumentally unimpressive she was. Harsh, I know...but true.
• Mark & Lacey (21/30, quickstep): Once again, Mark pulled out an excellent dance that the judges were inexplicably underwhelmed by. Sure, he fell at first (I didn't really notice, to tell the truth), but his quickstep was chock-full of zip, fire, and spirit. And good technique, for the most part. It was also devoid of kung fu, which is good since even with Len out of town, it would have seemed woefully out of place in a quickstep. Don't know why he isn't getting the 8s or 9s that he deserves, but that is sure to change in the weeks to come. Mark (not Kathy) is definitely the one who "has nowhere to go but up."
•  Mya & The Guy Who Actually Wore A Shirt This Week (oh yeah, his name is Dmitry) (27/30, jive): Boom, baby! With Len gone and much more content abound (in uncharacteristic cranky-Brit fashion, I actually didn't really care for the gimmicky start), Mya cooked it tonight! Her dance was technically terrific (you know I loves me some alliterations) and delightful to watch. It was like...here I go prematurely comparing her to past winners...seeing Shawn or Kristi on the floor. I kid you not. Judging from her excellent performances the first two weeks, Mya and her impossible-not-to-love personality are heading to the top...and staying there. And if Dmitry can keep his shirt on every week (ha!), that's definitely a plus. (Side note: That song was WEIRD. "Will you go to bed with me?" No, budget singer, especially not if you croon strange numbers that involve awkward speaking parts.)
• Tom & Cheryl (18/30, tango): Yes, we know his nickname is "The Hammer"...but Tom B., how many times are you going to refer to him as such? (That, or something related to "Washington" or "Capitol Hill.") Stale references notwithstanding, Mr. DeLay definitely improved his credibility this week with a uber-classy tango, one that provided more dignity, and better footwork, than both his psychotically strange performance to "Wild Thing" and Viennese waltz relay last Monday. And he did it all with an ailing foot. I have to admit, I was fearing that Tom might pull a Marie after he had trouble holding Cheryl up, followed by being very out of breath. But thankfully, he stayed strong, and he's actually becoming a dancer. Not very close to getting there...but small steps, small steps.
• Donny & Kym (25/30, jive): I'm still not completely warmed up to the Osmond sibling's ahem, energetic approach to the dance floor (and his painfully awkward rehearsal sound bites), but the brother of Marie definitely knows how to charm. And his footwork isn't too bad either. No votes from me again (and I live in Utah too! I guess I'm a rebel...), but I don't, by any means, dislike him. If he can show a little more balance (to his showy, brassy showiness) and "the cool factor," we just may have a deserving front-runner on our hands. For now, this theatrical soul has a bit of fine-tuning to do.

With 5 minutes until the results show to go (naturally):

My Faves: Natalie, Melissa, Michael, Louie, Kelly, Mark, and Mya. (Yep, I like 'em all. :D)

Run Home, Run Home: Joanna, Aaron, and Kathy.

Stay And Dance A Spell: Debi, Chuck, Tom, and Donny.

See you all (whoever reads this...I'm sure SOMEONE does... :) ) in an hour or so! May the eliminations be swift and accurate. For now....cheese out! :)

Week 1 Results: The First Cuts Are The Cleanest

Wow, it's been a LONG time since I posted on this thing...two whole hours! (And a half.) OK, so I just finished my night 2 post as the results show was starting. Is that a crime? I think not. As for the results show, due to unforeseen circumstances (and, of course, me getting my recap done late), I wasn't able to watch all of it as I planned. However, I don't think I missed much...Miley Cyrus' new video (which I assume was to the uber-catchy, but also uber-shallow, "Party in the U.S.A.")? Sean Kingston? The first elimination, which went exactly as I predicted? I could not have cared less. Well, let's get to the parts I did get to see...and of course, my reaction to the eliminations. I would say SPOILER ALERT, but since no one is reading this blog at the moment, and you've probably seen the show already and know what happened, I won't bother. If you really care, though, you can close your eyes. I won't mind. :)

• The Eliminations (bum bum bum): Ashley Hamilton gave his last (and only) waltz on Monday, on the men's side. This was the elimination I missed, and it didn't surprise me one bit. While Mr. Hamilton (or shall we call him George's son?) was unexpectedly charming and had a somewhat inspiring personal story, his dancing just...wasn't good. Couple that with his subpar level of fame, and you've got a typical case of "first week DWTS reject." As for the women, I wasn't too shocked at Macy's ouster, but really, was she better than Kathy? Weeell...maybe not. But she was certainly more interesting and genuine, which was why I was totally rooting for Macy in the tense split-screen showdown that precedes any elimination. She was unpredictable, wacky, and cool as a cucumber. (And I didn't vote for her!) What probably happened was that Kathy had the older (or at least older than 18) crowd in the palm of her hand voting-wise, and Ms. Gray didn't. And you all know which age group watches this show in greater numbers. I guess you can't win them all, I suppose. Hopefully America will be merciful next week and realize that the bland Mrs. Kmart's time is up.
• The Other Stuff: I tuned in just in time to see the cast of "The Lion King" give a killer performance on the "DWTS" floor. Nice. (And Tom Bergeron's comment about Tom DeLay taking special interest in the large elephant? I laughed. Though mostly just because it was related to politics.) The tribute to Patrick Swayze was very well-done, also. (Confession time: I've never seen a Patrick Swayze movie. Sorry, but I just haven't. I'm sure he was great in them, though.) And that's pretty much all I saw. Weird.

The Last Word: America (or at least, the portion of America that actually takes time to vote for "DWTS") got it mostly right this week, their only vice being the elimination of the deliciously weird Macy rather than the painfully dull Kathy. (At least Macy wasn't actually a great dancer. Then it would actually hurt.) The aforementioned Mrs. Kmart (I'm so calling her that now...) is likely doomed next Tuesday, unless she pulls out some vastly improved dancing skills, or someone else ends up doing worse. A LOT worse. Low scorers this week Michael and Tom are likely to get better (well, Tom might not, but he sure has the novelty factor going for him, so he's not foxtrotting off the floor anytime soon), so yeah...Kathy's "DWTS" run is likely to be very short.

I've gotten through my first week of recaps! I'm not entirely sure anyone is reading this blog at this point, but I hope you (whoever you are) enjoyed it...I'll be back next week with lots more. Keep dancing, keep reading, and keep spreading the word. Cheese out!

Week 1, Part 2: It's Ladies' Night, And The Feeling's...???

Here we are, my second recap...coming just 50 minutes before the results show airs here in Provo. Procrastination much? Actually, it's more like classes all day and working on paper this morning much, for once. Well, enough of this mishegas...let's get right to business. Viva la DWTS!

• Debi Mazar & Maks (they even shorten it now on the show!) (16/30 for salsa, 3rd in foxtrot relay): Debi is one of those "DWTS" celebrities that presents an interesting predicament...you know her face, but you likely didn't know her name until the mysterious British announcer called, "Dancing the salsa, it's Debi Mazar, and her partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy!" She's a veteran character actress, popping up in everything from "Beethoven 2nd" to "The Women" to "Entourage." (Bleh, yeah!, and couldn't care less.) So she doesn't necessarily have a built-in fan base...but she does sure as heck have a personality, and it's a fun one. Her ADD and chatterboxing in rehearsals was pretty darn hilarious, and she definitely knows the balance between being a workhorse and being lively. Her dancing skills? OK. Her salsa was fun, albeit a little technically unsound. The judges' low score was a bit disheartening for the understated fireball, and her foxtrot was a bit disjointed, but I'm not ready to count her out yet. Didn't vote for her, but if she increases on her very evident potential, I just may be dialing for Debi.
• Melissa Joan Hart & Mark (18/30 for Viennese waltz, 3rd in cha cha relay): Ah, Melissa. She has charmed our hearts and she definitely has the magic touch. Some even would say she knows it all. OK, enough with the punniness...but really, how cool is it to have "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" on "Dancing"? Like Mark, I made sure to watch the show every day (although it was banned for a time in our house...don't ask...and it was on at night, so I don't really get the "rushing home from school" thing...), and now she's all grown up and whatnot. Tear? OK, that would be overdoing it...down to the nitty-gritty. Melissa isn't amazing as I thought she would be. However, her Viennese Waltz was chock-full of potential and elegance. (And it was accompanied by a surprisingly on-point version of "The Time of My Life," by a much-improved band.) She did seem a bit nervous, but still, weren't you feeling the love, judges' table? It was classy and nice. Hopefully she'll upgrade to "beautiful and amazing" in the weeks to come...and work on her Latin skills, as contrary to the judges, I thought her cha cha was a little weak. Still, she's cast her spell on me...and my cell phone-dialing fingers. OK, that's the last pun I'll make. (Not. :) )
• Mya & Dmitry (21, should have been 24/30 for Viennese waltz, 1st in cha cha relay): It's pretty hard to hide the fact that Mya has a leg up in the competition...she says she hasn't been trained in dance, but still...you can't really deny it. She's a natural, for sure. I don't really mind, though, that she's slightly ahead of the game, because her personality is remarkably radiant and genuine, and to watch her dance (even with flagrant Anti-Heartthrob League violator Dmitry, who FINALLY openly admitted he makes a point of going shirtless, the dork...) is a delight. Her Viennese was terrific, marred only by Len having a cow (an evil cow, not a good one) about how the waltz was too "American smooth." I would understand docking her a point, maybe even two as a stretch. But a FIVE? Are you MAD, Mr. Goodman? That dance was amazing, and you know it. So stop your nit-picking now, please. Oh well. The lady with only one name and lots of dancing talent redeemed herself--both with the judges and anybody left that wasn't charmed by her first dance--with a fiery, Kristi/Sabrina-esque cha cha. Take that, cranky Brit who hasn't had his daily bath!
• Kathy Ireland & Tony (not the tiger) (16/30 for salsa, 4th in foxtrot relay): Remember the last few seasons, the raft of older women that have been dancing their hearts out on this here show? Jane Seymour charmed me til the end. Susan Lucci was...eh. (Yet somehow I voted for her. I don't rightly remember why.) And now Kathy Ireland, the former swimsuit model with a billion-dollar retail enterprise? Well...it was definitely more Susan than Jane. (And for those of you who say there isn't a difference, bah to you.) Her salsa was tepid and there were more than a few timid, misplaced steps. She wasn't completely a trainwreck, but it was just the kind of performance that lacked charm. Oh, charm...something that eludes Ms. Ireland. Her persona (both in rehearsal footage and in the green room) is sunny, but stilted. Much like her foxtrot. Lest this sounds like a merciless referendum on Kathy, I will say that she's not annoying. But she's not interesting, either, and in a field of 16 contestants, in addition to the fact that her fan base is likely to be very weak (she's rich and a model...two strikes, you're almost out), leaves her a very likely candidate for elimination.
• Natalie Coughlin & Alec (19/30 for salsa, 2nd in foxtrot relay): Are they putting something in the water at the Olympics? Natalie is the latest in a long line of stellar athlete/dancers (and Maurice Greene) to hail from Gold/Silver/Bronze-land, and while she has a bit to go, her salsa was engaging. Bruno hit it right on the nose (aah, I'm agreeing with Mr. Annoying!) about a certain quality of her dance--she had a tendency to freeze up a bit at points, which made her dance seem slightly disjointed. Still, it was full of energy, and Ms. Coughlin (Cog-lin, not Cough-lin, I have discovered) has nowhere to go but up. And her foxtrot? Holy cow. Class, poise, elegance, technique, and a sense of fun all combined to make an excellent 30 seconds. Come on, judges...join the club!
• Macy Gray & Jonathan (15/30 for Viennese waltz, 4th in cha cha relay): It would be easy to dislike Ms. Gray. After all, her dancing skills leave a lot to be desired, she at times seems bored and diva-esque in rehearsals, and she dropped ahem, the "cherry" bomb, prompting a little visit from the "DWTS" censors. (By the way, judges' reaction to that...inspired. Especially the hilariously squeaky Carrie Ann.) Still, I can't help not finding a place in my heart for the quirky Macy...she's just too delightfully weird for me NOT to like her. The judges aptly pointed out, she has a certain quality on the dance floor that's engaging, even if her steps most certainly aren't. (And oh my goodness, Bruno's riotously funny description of her as a "baby taking their first steps" was probably his finest hour. If only he could find the right judging formula so well every week...) Her VW surprised me for sure, and her cha cha was interesting, to say the least. Not voting for her at the moment, but if she gets eliminated, I will definitely miss her. At least a bit.
• Joanna Krupa & Derek (24/30 for salsa, 1st in foxtrot relay): Pardon me, folks...but I'm not exactly on the Joanna train yet. Her dancing skills? Very excellent. Still, I thought the salsa's sex appeal (duly noted by the judges) was a little too ham-handed...code, scandalous...with nothing to show for it. And her personality? 1-800-A Bit Obnoxious. And she fact that her foxtrot was a step below Natalie's, yet she took the 1st place spot anyways, is likely an omen of things to come...things that will likely bother me, things that involve her becoming a front-runner even when I'm left a bit cold when she takes the floor. She has the skills...but not the charisma. Sorry, Joanna.
• Kelly Osbourne & Louis (23/30 for Viennese waltz, 2nd in cha cha relay): What a wonderful surprise! Here I was expecting another Ozzy...after all, this is the young lady who grew up in a home taped by MTV and averse to throwing hams over their fence...but wow, did Kelly impress! An example of my thought process while watching the rehearsal footage, then the dance: "Whoa, she's like Mel B! Wait, no she isn't...lol, she called her dancing "crap!"...holy cowpies, she's good! Yep, I was right about the Mel B comparison." She's astoundingly winsome, has a smile that will make you all warm and fuzzy inside, and her parents (even Ozzy!) were nearly and/or already in tears by the end of her moving Viennese. Her cha cha was also a real treat. I never thought I'd say this, but Kelly for the win! Do it for Mel B!

(Quickly, the results show is already starting!!!)

My Faves: Kelly!, Natalie, Melissa, and Mya.

So Far, Not So Great: Kathy and Joanna.

Just There: Debi and Macy (though Ms. Gray gets extra points for quirkiness).

That's all the time I have. See you tonight for my results show recap! Cheese out! :)

Quick Rundown of The Links...

Since there isn't any feature to have me be able to describe each of the links I have posted on this site conveniently, and since I'm still in systematic-list-of-descriptions-and-opinions mode, I thought I might as well make a quick post describing them in a bit of detail.

• The bullets return! Oh darn, now I have to start a new one. :)
• Entertainment Weekly (officially known as EW.com): Basically the best pop-culture/entertainment site ever, it is the souped-up, totally interactive Internet counterpart to the excellent magazine of the same name. Why do I mention it? Because of the hilarious, excellent recaps of both "DWTS" and "Idol" (along with other reality shows, TV programs, and such) that inspired me to create this blog. Even though Idol isn't on, go and read the past 8 seasons' worth of recaps now! (Well, not all of them, unless you're psychotic like me...but a few from this past season would suffice.) And although you're already read these "DWTS" posts, some more wouldn't hurt, so be sure to check those out. All in all, a delightful site.
• Dancing With The Stars HQ: The official ABC site for the show you all know and love. Full of voting-ness (including the Design-a-Dance we all...enjoy? :D), bios, videos, and whatnot. And of course, full episodes!!! (Which post the day after, but it helps.) Tip on those: Google Chrome + ABC full episode player = bleh. Hulu has them, however, so we Chrome users are all saved from "DWTS" limbo. :)
• MSN Reality TV: Home of excellent "DWTS" recaps and painfully lame "American Idol" ones. Do I strongly recommend these? Not exactly, especially the bland "Idol" ones. But they always come out close to an hour after the show, so if you're hungry for someone else's opinion on the dancing or singing you just watched, this is the place to go. (Though the douche who writes on "Idol" drives me crazy. So don't listen to HIS opinion. :D)
• My Personal Blog: Self-explanatory. If you're a creeper, STAY AWAY. If you're my friend of some sort (which is a more likely scenario), read it to your heart's content. :)
• American Idol Central: AI's official site. Sometimes pointless and vapid,  sometimes useful (it posts the performance videos rather quickly, albeit without judges' feedback--though in the case of some judges...cough cough, Randy...that can be a good thing), this is the site to go to if you want some cold, hard information about the storied singing competition.

More links to come...such as the excellent "American Idol" blog by a writer for "The Guardian" (a Brit newspaper) that will charm your pants off, and other recommended sites. And I will be putting up a Playlist.com playlist (wow, redundance) in the next few days, that fits with this blog's theme. Keep reading, keep following, and keep watching! Cheese out! :)