- Joanna and Derek (20/30, jive): "Good morning Joanna." (Sorry, just had to indulge myself with a creepy "Stepford Wives" quote there...) Judging as she tied for first place last week, it may be surprising that I still don't like Joanna. But I just don't. For starters, he seems to be in a competition with (the thankfully departed) Edyta for who can wear the least clothes. I literally closed my eyes at some points because of its severe lack of fabric and presence of...ahem, certain upper elements. And the dance itself was, like the judges said, not so clean. And (am I turning into Len?), it wasn't really a jive. More like an excuse for Ms. Krupa to exhibit (quite a lot of) her body, and sorta kinda look good at dancing. It didn't really succeed...at least with me. Maybe the voters'll do a Sabrina and send her home for her 4-point drop! We can only hope. (That sounded vicious. I don't really care, to tell the truth. Maybe I really AM turning into Len...)
- Natalie & Alec (21/30, quickstep): I was charmed by Natalie's potential-full salsa last week, and this week's improved quickstep was no different. It was adorably disturbing that Ms. Coughlin forgets to breathe...she IS a mermaid! Perhaps we should name her Ariel. (Like my sister!) Her propensity to hold her breath aside, she is making great progress as a dancer, and I agree with Carrie Ann, Natalie is fun to watch. (Even while being forced to QUICKSTEP to "I Want You Back"...love the song, but it's definitely not a quickstepping tune.) Can the "Queen of the Chlorine" (oh, Tom, you and your rhymes...) pull out of the middle of the pack, though? With a ringing endorsement from the aforementioned Ms. Inaba and a strong sense of commitment, as long as Natalie keeps those smiles and moves coming, methinks she will.
- Chuck & Anna T. (19/30, tango): The Iceman still has "mid-season elimination" written all over him, though the tango he turned in tonight (alliteration!) was a bit more technically sound. I personally thought it was a bit too jerky (remember me saying that Chuck could actually throw Anna around? he kind of did...), but he is doing better, and he is sure to survive at least a few weeks longer. (At least if Anna stops ripping his shirt open at the end of the dance. That part was a bit too Dmitry-ish for my taste.)
- Melissa & Mark (19/30, jive): She's still bewitchingly awkward. (Come on, do you think I can stay away from the puns?) But tonight she added a bit of skill and finesse, and above all, confidence to that awkwardness, jiving to her heart's content in yet another Mark-approved polka-dotted ensemble. (I clearly remember Shawn and Kristi BOTH being subjected to the Minnie look. I smell stale ideas, Mr. Ballas...) Part of the dance didn't exactly click, but especially in the second half, the artist formerly known as Sabrina really took off. Keep getting better, Melissa! And by the way, if you folks ever want to imagine what I would be like on "DWTS," just watch Ms. Hart's rehearsal footage...and multiply the clumsiness by a hundred. And ten. :)
- Michael & Anna D. (20/30, quickstep): The rehearsal-ness was a mixed bag...Michael dropped some form of expletive and seemed frustrated at first. Then he got intense...and he and Anna (with a D.) practiced deep into the night. Every day. All this commitment didn't prepare for me for what was to come...Michael brought the energy! With the biggest and most genuine of smiles, looked like he was having the time of his life, period. With a vibrancy that pretty much diametrically opposes the severe grumpiness of last season's football player, Michael's quickstep came alive even with a few wonky steps. Even with a dismal (and somewhat undeserved) 13 last week, the Woz he is not. Dance on, Mr. Irvin! You've got a lot of heart.
- Debi & Maks (21/30, tango): Does Maks consider it his job to make all his partners cry? Of course, Denise last season would have cried even if she would have been paired with a kindly grandfather, but really, Mr. Chmerkovskiy needs to tone down the jerk-ness. She has a mean slap, and she's not afraid to use it! As for Debi's tango, it was appropriately intense and skillful. Debi isn't completely there yet (much like the disturbingly weird Bela Lugosi-like arrangement of "Roxanne"...Sting should sue), but she's pretty darn good already. Keep your eyes on the prize, Ms. Mazar, and you just may be able to prove to that mean little Maks that you can make it on the dance floor!
- Louie & Chelsie (19/30, jive): The young snowboarder certainly didn't do himself any favors in the costume department...a hood for a jive? A HOOD?!?! (Though it did provide a very weird, but hilarious opportunity for Bruno to say "in da hood," as only Bruno can...) But as for his dancing, I really enjoyed it. I didn't really see too much of the rhythmic and footwork-wise mistakes that the judges picked on him about...but maybe it's just the high-speed Hulu viewing getting to me. He's fun, he's a fish out of water, and he is increasing in his potential (rather than just letting it sit there). And surprisingly limber for someone who's never danced before. Yeah, Louie!
- Aaron & Karina (AKA Kermit &...Miss Piggy?!?!) (27/30, quickstep): Whereas during Debi's rehearsal footage I wanted to join in the mean-Maks slapfest, here I wanted to clock Aaron one for being such a brat. Whining and making excuses? That earns you no points in my book. On the contrary, I cannot wait until the week when Aaron invariably slips up somehow and, hopefully, America has the good sense to kick him to the curb. It takes a lot of empty cutesiness and fake charm (which Mr. Carter has by the boatload) for me to be left cold by a dance involving two Muppets ("Animal! Animal!")...by the way, how is it fair that they got to use them? Next week, Kelly should call dibs on Beaker...but believe you me, Aaron certainly did it. His dancing may be competent, but his personality is definitely not.
- Kelly! & Louis (19/30, tango): Ah, poor Kelly! She shot so amazingly out of the gate last week, but this week, thanks to nervousness, her tango was a bit underwhelming. At least to the judges...I may be stricken with a case of lovestruck bias, but I thought her dance was none too bad. It was classy, if a bit disjointed at parts. Whatever you thought of it, it most certainly did not mean the former "wild child" should be booted from the competition. If America sends her home...I just may cry. After all, she's so modest and charming! Perhaps I'll make a visit to my Mel B shrine before the results show...OK, I'm not THAT obsessed... :)
- Ms. Kmart Kathy & Tony (18/30, quickstep): Last week, I was wholeheartedly calling for this stilted businesswoman's ouster. This week is no different, folks...Ms. Ireland's dance once again lacked charm, excitement, and energy. The song was bland, and Kathy was even more so. Her sound bites are still painfully awkward ("Tomorrow night, we're bringin' i-uh-i-uh-it..."), and she's plumb crazy if she thought she brought (hey, rhyme!) the "real Kathy." Send her home. Like Carrie Ann said (hey, I agree with her a lot, do I not?), with 14 dancers, you have to stand out, and the only way the Kmart lady stood out was in how monumentally unimpressive she was. Harsh, I know...but true.
- Mark & Lacey (21/30, quickstep): Once again, Mark pulled out an excellent dance that the judges were inexplicably underwhelmed by. Sure, he fell at first (I didn't really notice, to tell the truth), but his quickstep was chock-full of zip, fire, and spirit. And good technique, for the most part. It was also devoid of kung fu, which is good since even with Len out of town, it would have seemed woefully out of place in a quickstep. Don't know why he isn't getting the 8s or 9s that he deserves, but that is sure to change in the weeks to come. Mark (not Kathy) is definitely the one who "has nowhere to go but up."
- Mya & The Guy Who Actually Wore A Shirt This Week (oh yeah, his name is Dmitry) (27/30, jive): Boom, baby! With Len gone and much more content abound (in uncharacteristic cranky-Brit fashion, I actually didn't really care for the gimmicky start), Mya cooked it tonight! Her dance was technically terrific (you know I loves me some alliterations) and delightful to watch. It was like...here I go prematurely comparing her to past winners...seeing Shawn or Kristi on the floor. I kid you not. Judging from her excellent performances the first two weeks, Mya and her impossible-not-to-love personality are heading to the top...and staying there. And if Dmitry can keep his shirt on every week (ha!), that's definitely a plus. (Side note: That song was WEIRD. "Will you go to bed with me?" No, budget singer, especially not if you croon strange numbers that involve awkward speaking parts.)
- Tom & Cheryl (18/30, tango): Yes, we know his nickname is "The Hammer"...but Tom B., how many times are you going to refer to him as such? (That, or something related to "Washington" or "Capitol Hill.") Stale references notwithstanding, Mr. DeLay definitely improved his credibility this week with a uber-classy tango, one that provided more dignity, and better footwork, than both his psychotically strange performance to "Wild Thing" and Viennese waltz relay last Monday. And he did it all with an ailing foot. I have to admit, I was fearing that Tom might pull a Marie after he had trouble holding Cheryl up, followed by being very out of breath. But thankfully, he stayed strong, and he's actually becoming a dancer. Not very close to getting there...but small steps, small steps.
- Donny & Kym (25/30, jive): I'm still not completely warmed up to the Osmond sibling's ahem, energetic approach to the dance floor (and his painfully awkward rehearsal sound bites), but the brother of Marie definitely knows how to charm. And his footwork isn't too bad either. No votes from me again (and I live in Utah too! I guess I'm a rebel...), but I don't, by any means, dislike him. If he can show a little more balance (to his showy, brassy showiness) and "the cool factor," we just may have a deserving front-runner on our hands. For now, this theatrical soul has a bit of fine-tuning to do.
My Faves: Natalie, Melissa, Michael, Louie, Kelly, Mark, and Mya. (Yep, I like 'em all. :D)
Run Home, Run Home: Joanna, Aaron, and Kathy.
Stay And Dance A Spell: Debi, Chuck, Tom, and Donny.
See you all (whoever reads this...I'm sure SOMEONE does... :) ) in an hour or so! May the eliminations be swift and accurate. For now....cheese out! :)
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