DWTS: Let's Meet The Cast of Season 11 (Part II)

"How Am I Supposed To Live Without You"! THAT's the song Michael Bolton is famous for. And I'm back! Let's cut right to the chase and talk about the other half of this season's cast of...Bailando con las Estrellas! (Si, I just went Spanglish on you. :) )

• Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer: Producers have done a much better job here of pairing a young pro with a young celebrity (I did the research, and according to Wikipedia, Kyle's 19, and dear old Lacey's 22)...but really? Kyle Massey? Kudos to the producers (again) for actually managing to keep his name under wraps (the former Mr. Cory Baxter was nowhere near any of the casting rumors that actually ended up being pretty accurate this season), but...I've never really liked Kyle since he started growing up on "That's So Raven." He's kind of stilted and annoying, and he's really starred in too many ghastly projects (Life Is Ruff, Cory In The House, that one or two 'songs' he 'sang') for me to change my mind. Oh well...at least he might be good at dancing, given the fact that he's not even reached his 20s. (He's only a year older than I am! Then again, so was Shawn Johnson during her season. Still...I feel like I'm growing up...) And also, he's paired with Lacey, who is fun and a fairly good teacher, from what I've seen in the past.
• Brandy & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (that name never fails to give me grief...): Yeah, that's probably the very last time I'm going to type Maks' full name...ever. You know who he is. Do the math. :) Anyways...Brandy's always been one of those stars who is...nice. Fairly talented. Pretty. But...kind of boring and not terribly popular. Still, I have fond memories of Ms. Norwood in the Wonderful World of Disney version of "Cinderella" back in '97 (speaking of that, I should get it on DVD...), and remember Mya? She fit kind of the same bill...nice, fairly talented, and attractive, but also a bit low-key at first...and ended up being absolutely terrific. So I have fairly high hopes for Brandy. But if she ends up being disappointing as a dancer...meh. I'll survive. (She better bring her A-game, though, to be able to handle the fury of Maks.)
• Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas: Bristol. Oh, Bristol...I don't know what to think of you. You seem charming and ready to get down to work. But also...all you're known for, pretty much, is being the spawn of a witc I mean, daughter of Sarah Palin. Well, that, and your painfully robotic acting debut on "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." (And when you can tell you're robotic on that show, you know you've got acting problems. It was even worse than me, and I consider myself the worst actor ever. :) ) Anyways...I still have ghastly memories of the last reality star known for little more than existing that "DWTS" brought to the table (cough cough, Kate Gosselin, let us never speak of her again, cough cough), who was so bad that even the Emmys made fun of her. Heck, Kate even made fun of herself. But...I'm staying optimistic about Bristol. The fact that she's proclaimed she's going to be aiming for modesty in her costuming is a plus. (Yes, I know DWTS is the last place you're going to find modesty. But every little bit of it helps, folks.) Despite my increasingly hostile feelings about her mother, I think if Bristol actually can dance, this might actually be fun. (Might.)
• Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani: While I had heard Audrina's name bandied about a bit in the pop culture arena before they announced her as part of the cast, I have to admit...all I know is that she was on "The Hills." And did stuff. And seems to look slightly different every time I see her. Last season, we had to "Save Tony" from the evil clutches of the horrible partner I just mentioned in the previous section in a cough, and who we agreed never to speak of again. This season, I don't think that will be necessary. I doubt Audrina will be even half that obnoxious, and what's more, I don't think she'll last even half that long (poor Tony, the last time he got someone amazing was season 2). I can't see her having much of a fan base, and she seems unlikely to be any good at dancing. Still...DWTS has always been known for surprises. Gilles Marini was predicted by EW (somewhat offhandedly) to get last place his season. And you know how wrong that turned out to be...
• Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino & Karina Smirnoff: Karina's fortunes have fallen incredibly far with the DWTS-viewing public, from what I've seen (I have yet to see a genuinely positive comment about the veteran pro in online comment boards this season), which is a strike against "The Situation" (do I have to use that nickname? I guess so...) from the start, but...he's athletic. He's probably going to showcase his ridiculous (I mean that a bit derisively) abs for at least the first one or two dances. And being from one of the trashiest shows on reality television (and that's no mean feat), "Jersey Shore," he probably doesn't really give a dang how stupid he might look on the dance floor. I'm not a "Jersey" viewer, and Mike (ha! dodged the nickname!) failed to appear for the cast announcement press conference, so my verdict's out on his on-screen persona until September 20 when the show premieres, but...I'm guessing he's probably not an absolutely horrible dancer. Goodness forbid a reality-TV star takes it all the way...
• Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya: Anna's a tough, but effective teacher (and I still find her rather fun to watch, though her hair choices have often been a bit psychotic in seasons past), and Kurt's an affable, well-liked, charming football star. (Who played last for the Cardinals, my home team. Heck yes!) Both of these factors practically guarantee him at least a month on the dance floor, if he's terrible at dancing. If he's good? You might as well write him a ticket to at least the top 5. He'd have to try hard not to make it that far.

And one more thing...Edyta's FINALLY gone! I've been an outspoken critic of Ms. Sliwinska for a while, mainly due to her going out of her way to dress in a ridiculously risque fashion (I'm pretty sure the clothes that any other pro female dancer wears in one show adds up to more fabric than Edyta has worn in her entire 10-season DWTS run...remember that outfit last season where she was basically naked? Ugh...), and the fact that her choreography usually tends to put the spotlight on her, rather than her partner. That all aside, Edyta's been a loyal part of DWTS for 10 long seasons, and I wish her all the best in whatever she moves on to. Farewell, Edyta! Try to wear more clothes at college, will you? As for the rest of you...I'm excited for Season 11 to start. Are you? Be sure to comment/discuss/what have you, and I'll see you in a few weeks for the premiere. (Those of you who are also "Idol" fans should see me much sooner, as I plan to continue my Top 12 project tomorrow. Or thereabouts.) For now...viva la DWTS!

DWTS: Let's Meet The Cast of Season 11 (Part I)

Remember when I said about a week or two ago that I would continue my "Idol" Top 12 project posthaste? Weeell...life got in the way. (It often does, yes?) Yet again I offer another "I'll hopefully make a post about it tomorrow" semi-promise. But let's move to the matter at hand..."Dancing With The Stars," everyone's favorite celebrity-dancing show (SYTYCD, you're great, but you don't count...), just announced its new cast for its 11th season (I've been there since Season 2! How far DWTS has come...), and I'd be a fool not to comment (in a somewhat timely manner) on the stars (or lack thereof), the pairings, and the other developments that have arisen so far. (The Situation, a Palin, and the Hoff, oh my!) Because there's 12 partnerships, and I'm wont to ramble, I'll split it all into two parts. So...let's boogie down, and preview the latest season of...Dancing. "WITH THE STAHHHRS!"

• Michael Bolton & Chelsie Hightower: I have to say I'm not too thrilled to see the guy whose biggest hit (ish...my memory of those love song/power ballad infomercials is kind of off at the moment, so I can't remember that one other famous tune he's known for) is "Go The Distance" learn to dance, but ehhh, at least he's...classy? A recovering big hair addict? I inexplicably have a Christmas song by him on my iPod (hey, it was free on iTunes a year or so ago...)? Yeah, I guess those all work. The producers really came out of left-field, though, with the partner they chose for him. Chelsie's fun. She's a pretty good teacher (she turned a rodeo star AND a pro snowboarder into fairly legitimate dancers, which is no mean feat). And she's attractive. But...she's 21. And Michael Bolton is FIFTY-SEVEN. That age difference is beyond Demi & Ashton territory...it's more like Celine Dion & Rene Angelil...or the late Anna Nicole Smith & J. Howard Marshall. (She was in her late 20s/early 30s, and he was approaching 90.) K, maybe not that drastic. But still. I'm wondering how Chelsie & Michael are going to make, say, the rumba look like anything but creepy. Then again, Michael might not even make it that far...
• Margaret Cho & Louis Van Amstel: I loved Niecy & Louis last season, and I expect Margaret & Louis this season to be cut from a lot of the same cloth (hilarious, revelatory, charming, fun to watch). Although...Margaret comes from a lot dirtier line of comedy (pun actually NOT intended for once...and it doesn't make sense unless you know Niecy up until recently hosted "Clean House" :) ), and her line during the press conference that she knows some stripper moves was kind of...foreboding. Still...she seems unique, fun, and ready to plow through the competition HER way, which I like. And I survived Pamela Anderson last season (and after the awkward tornado of raunch that was her first dance, she actually toned the scandalousness down, believe it or not). So...bring it on, Margaret.
• Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke: And here's where my spotty knowledge of sports comes back to bite me. (The other times it does this mostly occur during the sports categories on "Jeopardy!") I honestly had no idea until Monday night's press conference who the heck Rick Fox is. So...I hope he's not boring. Or obnoxious. (Like, say, Jason Taylor or Lawrence Taylor, from seasons past, neither of whom did I particularly care for, because they were...you guessed it, boring and obnoxious, respectively. And I didn't realize until now they're both surnamed Taylor...DWTS should just stay away from athletes with that name, I guess. :) ) Though really, he's probably going to fill one of the usual "Brandon doesn't give a dang whether you stay or go" slots this season (and if he makes it far, perhaps one of the "Please go, Brandon likes the other people much better, and you're lame" slots more towards the finals).
• Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough: Jennifer's story (you can find it somewhere on the Internets) that getting ready to appear on DWTS saved her life (because of the visit she made to make sure she was in ship-shape for dancing, doctors discovered a serious issue with her neck and she was able to get surgery) is inspiring. And although I'm not a child of the 80s and I've never seen "Dirty Dancing" (you that ARE children of the 80s can yell at me now...), she seems very nice, agreeable, and totally game for whatever DWTS throws her way. I have to admit, though, I'm with a lot of people saying Derek being her partner is kind of a "What? Not AGAIN..." scenario. Derek has yet to have received a truly ghastly-at-dancing partner. Jennifer could prove us wrong...but probably not, even if her last dance experience was in a movie released 23 years ago. Derek's choreography is often terrific (three words from last season: 50s paso doble), and he's a fairly good teacher (even when he has little to teach), but as is true for a lot of viewers, he's really gotten on my nerves. An early exit, even though I like Jennifer and hope she does well, might be the best for all involved.
• David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson: Call me crazy, but I'm not a big fan of the Hoff. His self-parody appearance in the SpongeBob movie was probably the height of his appeal/level of humor as far as I'm concerned, and he's practically the poster boy in my book for "washed-up." (His last gig? Judging "America's Got Talent," AKA the redheaded stepchild of summer reality shows. Le ouch.) So...unless he turns out to be a revelation, or really funny/fun to watch, I'm going to be rather unenthusiastic about his tenure on the show. It's nice to see Kym back, though. (Don't worry, Kym. Anyone would need a season off to recover from the craziness that is Donny Osmond. :) )
• Florence Henderson & Corky Ballas: Poor Corky's getting painted with the "creeper" brush from his, ahem, colorful turn as Cloris Leachman's partner back a few seasons ago (my, was that entertaining television... :) ), but he's a nice guy, and Florence, of course, is cheerful, charming, and kind of a respected TV/film/stage veteran or something. Being from Broadway, Florence has a slight edge over previous 'older' contestants, and adding to that what's bound to be a lot of sentimental voter appeal, Ms. Henderson just might be the first fairly legitimate contender anywhere near the age of 76. (Then again, I could be wrong. That's pretty much the same thing I said about Buzz last season. Sad.)

The other half of the cast coming tomorrow morning (this I'll make sure to fulfill, really) or so. For now...read. Comment. Discuss. Throw tomatoes at. Whatever floats your boat. For now...viva la DWTS! :)

Breaking News: The Elephant Is Out?

Hey, my first piece of news to go on this blog! Except it's not that great, especially if you're a fan of the show's resident Republican. According to some (not exactly verified) reports, Tom DeLay is to bow out of "DWTS" at the results show tonight, due to his injuries. Is this true? Probably. Could it be false, like that Maya Angelou hospital rumor that was viciously floating around the other day? Of course. I like Tom and his understated wackiness, but seeing as both of his feet are pretty much out of commission, and feet are quite important for this dancing thing, I think an early departure just might be the right thing to do. But if he wants to press on, contrary to these reports...then I commend him. Here's the link to the Entertainment Weekly news brief (with subsequent links to the 2 original reports, if you're intrested):


http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/10/06/report-tom-delay-to-bow-out-of-dancing-with-the-stars/