DWTS Week 5: I'll Be There For You

Yet again I find myself posting a wee bit late, though this time I can actually say "wee bit late" rather than "oh, kind of, y'know, a week late or so...cough cough." The ballroom played host to only 8 couples this week (and now it's 7), so even though I also have the results show to address, I'll try to combine everything into one post this time around. And the couple that left us this week is...

• Florence & Corky. It's a bummer, because I really thought Florence was doing well and improving, and more importantly, she's dang fun and charming. Her tango on Monday wasn't too bad...the head-jerking was a bit awkward, and I tweeted that night that I felt it was a bit low on content, but it definitely wasn't elimination material. (In a departure from my usual attitude, I actually thought the "Brady Bunch" theme fit the tango well. At least it wasn't like some other musical choices Monday night...rantings to come.) There have been a few Internet rumblings that Florence was hurt by her innuendo-with-a-wink playfulness with Barry Williams, her former sitcom son and apparently my doppleganger (according to my family). Personally, I thought it was all in good fun (for the most part) myself. I've watched a few episodes of "The Brady Bunch" (Cindy staring at the camera...classic), and the show and its characters have a special place in my heart (except you, Fake Jan! OK, I have to admit I only learned about her evil ways from an excellent TV moments book I read... :) ), but I do have to admit I didn't grow up with the show, so I can't speak for all of you children of the 70s. Still, they're adults. She's 76 and he's 56. Give them a break. Anwyays, Florence, we'll miss you, and Corky...next partner you get (if you're lucky), actually give them some normal choreography!
• The rest of the results show: So far this season (and for most of last, if I remember right), DWTS has been pretty spot-on in picking their musical guests. Some of them have been "meh," but most of them have been fairly good/excellent. (Heck, even Daughtry & Santana surprised me with their live performance prowess.) Well, I might be in the minority here, but I think they have officially dropped the ball with Jason Derulo. His performances were...as I noted on Twitter rather bluntly..."pretty much a bunch of crap." He couldn't hack it on his live version of his own song ("In My Head"), sounding thin, out of breath, and even reverting to pre-recorded AutoTune for a little bit during the chorus. The dancing wasn't that great either. (Cliche coming in 3, 2, 1...Why is he popular? But really. Sad.) As for his cover of Ray Charles' classic "Georgia On My Mind"...no. Just no. Granted, although Ray recorded (without question) the definitive version, there have been many others that have done incredible justice to the song. But melisma-happy Mr. Derulo was not one of them. It made me die inside, pretty much. Thankfully, the other musical guest (who should have gotten two numbers instead...I bet she could have done better with "Georgia" than Jason did) was much, much, much better. Shakira was hot, spicy, and...I mean, she did a great job. Her live vocals were pretty impressive (after a little shakiness at the start).The dancing was...sexy amazing. Viva la Shakira!
• And because that bullet was getting too long...the fake commercials. Oh my. Loved the Bruno one (like I tweeted, Tiny Bruno would be immensely proud...do the naughty puma!), thought the "Easy Steps" one was 'meh' (though the Derek Hough being worth only $150 bit was priceless), and as for the David Hasselhoff "Hammer" one...no comment. :) And finally...the Mwano family...amazing. Their dance with the pros was terrific, and the whole story about how they bravely escaped the tragic hardships of the Congo, and how their mom didn't even know they were going to perform...wow. I definitely was very, very close to tears.

Now to the remaining couples...this is getting a bit long, ain't it? Oh well, we press on...

• Brandy & Maks (27/30, quickstep): Best dance of the night. Fast, fun, charming, great choreography, wonderfully executed. (And who knew the "Friends" theme song had more than one verse?!?) The judges made the right pick for their encore. As for the "Brandy/Maks hate each other" issue...I still honestly think they don't. Sure, they have tension in rehearsal, but pretty much every couple does. I think that one week where Brandy made the controversial "the solo was his idea!" comment, and they were fighting in rehearsal (coupled with the bottom-slapping from last week) spiraled into a "look, they're fighting! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!" situation, where everyone (the media, the producers, fans of the show) jumped to brand them as bitter enemies. I think the sweet, charming, adorable relationship they showed in their quickstep on Monday was proof that that's not the case...and not just because Maks and Brandy are great at acting or something. They really are friends, and although they fight and argue (hello, it's Maks...since when has that ever not happened with him?), I believe things between them are ultimately all good.
• Kurt & Anna (24/30, quickstep): This week was the battle of "Bewitched" vs. Belka and Strelka...and "Bewitched" apparently won. (Though Belka and Strelka, as I learned from Wikipedia, were the first Earth-born dogs, or animals of any kind, to come back from a space mission alive. Yay!) The American-Russian culture clash between Kurt & Anna was fun, and Anna ended up actually having an impressive Samantha nose-wiggle. It was a delightful, energetic quickstep (I loved the 'magic' effects), and Kurt seemed pretty light on his feet and on top of things. His best dance so far? I would dare say yes.
• Audrina & Tony (23/30, rumba): What to do about Audrina? I'm definitely of the opinion that she's still a contender for the finals (her waltz & quickstep earlier in the season were excellent), but this week's rumba was a bit sleepy and continued to show weaknesses in her performance quality. Granted, they did have to do it to a not very rumba-friendly song (Natasha Bedingfield's lovely but ubiquitous hit "Unwritten"), and as we found out on Tuesday night, the band had a slip-up. But aside from that, it wasn't a very romantic/exciting rumba. Worrying signs that Audrina needs to step it up stylistically...but I maintain my position that I think she could take it all the way, if she brings her A-game in all aspects. (And stays away from eating any raw onions. :D)
• Kyle & Lacey (20/30, foxtrot): Well, the good news about Kyle this week is that we learned that if they're casting a "Charlie's Angels" reboot, they need look no further than Lacey, Kym, and Chelsie. (I would watch that show in a heartbeat. :) ) The bad news? Oh, a little something called the dance. The producers continued their streak of giving out simply crazy foxtrot songs (besides Jennifer & Derek below, Kurt & Anna have been the only couple this season to receive an actual foxtrot-friendly number...and it was "Bad Day," of all things...), and dealt Kyle & Lacey a doozy with the aforementioned "Angels" theme song. It kind of worked, but it was also kind of a complete mess. I'm kind of torn, though, on how to react to the judges...they definitely should have realized that it was a theme night, and that given the musical choice Lacey couldn't really choreograph much of a traditional foxtrot. However, they did bring up some fair points about Kyle's technique. And like Len, I wasn't really too much a fan of the dance. Although 20 was an incredibly low score, it didn't quite seem unfair to me...a sign that Kyle really needs to improve and polish his dancing.
• Rick & Cheryl (24/30, rumba): I sheepishly admit I didn't know which show this theme song came from until later ("Hill Street Blues"? OK...), but that aside, Rick did a very good job Monday night. His rumba was fairly romantic, smooth, and Cheryl did a great job of choreographing around the theme, but also keeping it firmly in the "rumba" category. It was well-danced, well-played, and I really liked it. Rick is back on track to go further in the competition, I think.
• Bristol & Mark (18/30, jive): Let's start this off with my Twitter thoughts after the dance, since I think they describe my feelings pretty concisely: "Fun start with the monkey suits for Bristol, it lost a bit of steam in the middle, but a terrific finish, I thought." The monkey-suit beginning kind of reminded me of the Jabbawockeez-inspired beginning of Shawn and Mark's terrific freestyle in season 8...in that they started off in fun costumes and had to hurriedly shed them a little bit into the dance. Sadly, on second watch, Bristol wasn't as nimble in her monkey suit as Shawn was in her costume...and the middle of the dance flatlined, and was kind of a mess. However, I thought she really pulled it together in the last third of the number, with a good amount of energy and movement (though I can see the viewpoint that the judges held, that she was a bit off the beat). That said...I like Bristol. I think she has great potential as a dancer. Still, her being announced as safe right off the bat last night was kind of a shocker (she had the lowest score of the night and isn't that beloved by what I've seen, after all), and I can't help feeling it should have been her going home. Hopefully she can rebound next week, but if not, next Tuesday night will probably be the date of her departure.
• Jennifer & Derek (25/30, foxtrot): Partly due to the fact that they actually got a proper foxtrot song (Frank Sinatra's jaunty "Love and Marriage"), unlike 90% of the couples this season (darn producers!), I really liked this performance. The 50s/TV theme was well-incorporated, and it was precise, fun, and charming. So where were the judges' tepid scores coming from? It was a fine dance, without any discernible shortcomings, and while a 10 might have been stretching it, it was definitely worthy of at least a 9. Jennifer and Derek's rehearsal blowout on the other hand? Ouch. That was not fun to watch. Let's hope that kind of fighting stays out of their future on-camera footage, or this couple could lose a great deal of viewer support.

So there you have it. Week 5 of "Dancing With The Stars" (spoken by the trusty "disembodied British voice," Alan Dedicoat :) )! I'll hopefully be back later this week with some best-dances-of-all-time posting (sadly, I no longer have the 30 dances the producers picked for reference, but I can get by otherwise), and, as I always mean to, some long-overdue "American Idol" Top 12 profile action. For now, enjoy your week, and viva la DWTS!

DWTS Week 4 (In A Nutshell): Somebody To Love

Hey, remember the good old days of this blog when I was at BYU, and I could barely catch DWTS live, much less find time to recap it? Well, this week wasn't like that. But somehow, last week's recaps (for both the results and the performance night) have ended up being jumbled into one lightning-quick post that I'm starting about 10 minutes before Week 5 performance night starts. (TV themes! Wonder how it will turn out...) Without any further ado, let's jump (quickly) in.

• The Situation & Karina are gone, thank heavens. His Argentine tango last week was ghastly, and the small round stage (which I liked, but agreed kind of threw the contestants for a loop for the most part, and not in a very good way) only highlighted his lack of dancing skills & technique. Painful to watch (my mom, who I accidentally over-referenced in my tweets from that night because she was watching DWTS with me for the first time in quite a while, inexplicably liked his futuristic Week 3 'foxtrot,' but agreed Week 4 for him was crap), painful to listen to The Situation talk about afterwards, and the opposite of painful to see an elimination result from. :)
• So what about everyone else? Jennifer & Derek really stood out last week. I really loved her routine, from the cool piano-plunking start (thought Len would call it "messing about," but thankfully he didn't), to the incredible footwork all throughout the dance. Her and Derek utilized the stage beautifully, and I have to admit even though I refrained from voting for Jennifer during Weeks 1-3, and I'm still firmly in the "don't crown her the winner yet, you fools!" camp, hers is the only routine I truly fell in love with, and can still remember, from last week. Y'alls better step up, other 8 people still in the competition...
• Quick, like a bunny...Kurt was underscored, I thought; Brandy was excellent but not quite captivating and her routine wasn't quite all there; Rick's height didn't work well for him and the small stage, it was a bit clunky; Kyle was, as I said on Twitter that night, "kind of hit and miss"; Florence and Corky's rehearsal was one of the funniest I've ever seen, but the dance was perplexing and wacky; Bristol needs to step it up or she's going home incredibly soon (though I think she slightly improved Week 4 over Week 3); and Audrina's Argentine tango wasn't as impressive as her waltz.
• Some results show comments (actually, just one): Florence + The Machine! Heck to the yes. :)

And that's a wrap! My recap for Week 5 to come tonight or tomorrow morning, I promise. For now...viva la DWTS!

DWTS Week 3 Results: Rainbow Disconnection

This week I'm back with a full results-show recap. I was able to watch the entire hour once again this week, and it was an interesting little creature. The highs, the lows...let's dive into them right now, starting with the hardest part...the elimination.

• The Elimination: I could rant on and on (well, maybe not that much, but pretty close) about Margaret Cho meeting an untimely end in the competition tonight. But I won't. Hopefully. What I will say: This is the first elimination of the season that hurt (David Hasselhoff was subpar and washed-up, Michael Bolton was likable but very bad at dancing, and ultimately couldn't take criticism). Margaret deserved better scores her last two dances. She shouldn't have gone home. And...biggest of all...why is The Situation still in the game?!?!? Yes, I know I said last night that his 'foxtrot' was his best dance of the competition. Yes, I know it got a 20. (Still don't think it deserved that, but oh well.) Yes, I know this is a televised competition involving 12 (well, now down to 9) people who make lots of money and are still probably very happy. So really...it's not that big of a deal that a reality star from Jersey who likes to act cocky and show his abs still gets to dance next week, even though he's nowhere near that good. But honestly, his dance from last night (which inexplicably got the encore) was even worse tonight. His on-screen persona is grating. His last two dances were fairly ghastly as well. For the love of Master P, America, send this clown home already!
• The Music: Well, perhaps I did end up ranting a bit. It happens sometimes. :) Anyways...the music was fairly good tonight. Ne-Yo's rap intro to his song was ponderous, but after that, things really kicked off. The most amazing thing I've ever seen/heard? Well, no. But good vocals, a fun story (he must have got the memo that it's Story Week!), and some classy dancing. (Dare I bring out the "he should be a contestant!" phrase? Eh, probably not. That would be nice, though.) And he even ended his performance by going down the path out of the studio! That was an unexpected twist. (Another unexpected...well, sort of...twist: Him lowering his mic to chase after his woman [AKA the indifferent dancer character], revealing that his singing may not have been entirely live. Oops!) As for Michael Bolton...I've never been a fan of his singing. I probably never will be a fan of his singing. And I have to admit the beginning of his rendition of "Hallelujah" (the Leonard Cohen chestnut that presumably Susan Boyle was indeed going to sing had she not bowed out, seeing as it's on her upcoming album, she does it with a children's choir, and I'm sure the dance had already been choreographed for it so Michael couldn't sing a song of his own instead) had me wishing he was doing his "worst jive in 11 seasons" instead. But he worked it out. It turned from overwrought to well-sung, from loud and shouty to pleasant and tender. And, of course, the fact that it was accompanied by a fog machine (always helpful to set the mood), the aforementioned children's choir (yay for young children with melodious harmonies!), and a simply gorgeous, tender routine by married couple Jonathan & Anna, didn't hurt. :)
• The Rest: Oh, Donny Osmond. First you appear in that ridiculous Mickey Mouse dancing commercial ("Mickey, you're making me look bad!" I don't think it's the mouse's fault, Donny...), then DWTS invites you back for a cheesy on-the-street segment. Well, it was fun. ("I wouldn't say no to Rick Fox..." by the woman who had just gotten married on Saturday was particularly chuckle-inducing.) That's all we can ask. And then there was the music/dance battle between Mark Ballas & Maks' incredibly similar-looking brother, Val Chmerkovskiy. (Dang it, I had to spell that last name again!) Val had his moment to shine on the violin, and then Mark stood out at the end with some fairly excellent electric guitar shredding. (I couldn't really hear his acoustic too much once the band came in, but it was great at the start.) And there was some excellent dancing, all of it to the one Britney Spears song I actually like (seriously, it's on my iPod), "Toxic." (I blame the strings.) Who won the battle? I was about to say Mark...but then he made some absolutely awkward faces during his electric guitar solo at the end. So maybe not him, in that case. :) At any rate, I was kind of distracted during this part, because it's been stormy all day, and the thunder/rain were going particularly crazy while Val and Mark battled it out.

So...there you have it. Week 3 of DWTS is officially over. Next week is a special Acoustic Week with an in-the-round setup (I can't wait to see how this plays out, it looks pretty dang cool), and according to a comment by Tom tonight, the following two weeks after that will also be newfangled theme weeks. So the next little while should be rather interesting. For now, I'll see you next week (or probably earlier, so I can do my promised Top 10 dances post and my long-delayed Idol finalists project). Viva la DWTS!

DWTS Week 2 Results: Out of the Doghouse

Well, this shall be short and sweet (well, maybe not that short and sweet, since, y'know, it's me writing...but relatively so)...and why, do you ask? Because I was attending my sister's choir concert last night, and thus only saw the last 10 minutes of the results show. I did catch up a bit online, thanks to YouTube, so I did watch a little bit more of it. But mostly, I'll be brief. Yes. I will. :)

• The Elimination: People may love you, but on DWTS, when you're six points behind the two couples tied for second-to-last place, you're kind of doomed unless a miracle occurs. (Sadly, 3 miracles occurred in Season 2 when Master P inexplicably made it to Week 4 and got the lowest score in DWTS history. And let's not even speak of the 4 miracles that happened last season when the mom who shall not be named was able to 'dance' for an excruciating 5 weeks. Sigh...) Unfortunately for Michael, no miracle was in store for him...he was swiftly dispatched for what Bruno (fairly accurately?) called "the worst jive in 11 seasons." (Like I pointed out in my last recap, Master P is the worst contestant DWTS has ever had. And the only notoriously bad one that got to do a jive. And he got two points more than Michael.) Michael still seemed a little hurt by Bruno's comments, and I see where he was coming from there, but still, Bruno's a judge. A crazy, flamboyant, exciting, maddening judge, sure, but a good one too. Did he need to go off on Michael's dismal 'jive'? Not really. But I didn't really see it as mean-spirited or cruel...just harsh, blunt, and to the point. Then again, I've had 10 seasons (missed Season 1, remember?) to get used to Bruno's antics, so maybe it's just me. Farewell, Mr. Bolton...and enjoy the rest of your tour.
• The Other Stuff (at least what I saw of it): Janelle Monae was impressive singing the heck out of "Tightrope" (I've refrained from downloading it, sadly, since Big Boi kind of messes the studio version up with his random rapping...but I have watched the video), and dancing deliciously (?!?!?) all over the place. And my first "they should be a contestant someday!" of the season is here. :) As for Seal, I haven't watched his performance yet. Hopefully it was good? Nor have I seen the Macy's Stars of Dance performance. Maybe I never will...(insert dramatic music here). I did see the pros talking about their weird rituals before performances (Derek refrigerating his socks? Corky smelling the floor? Louis eating a delicious piece of chocolate cake? Nice...), and Bruno totally not apologizing for his comments last night. Stick to your guns, Bruno! Stick to your guns. I'm hoping to find somewhere on the Internets a clip of the explanation of how the audience was actually booing at Jennifer and Derek's scores (and not Sarah Palin), though. Otherwise I'll have to search through the whole episode...and who does that? :)

So there you have it. Week 2 is finished. Whatever shall I do until next Monday? Well, a few things, actually. First, the DWTS-related task: the show's producers have selected 30 memorable dances for us to vote on. The 10 with the top votes (I think?) will be aired in a countdown special on October 25th. I'll be making a post posthaste (:D) with my choices for the top 10, some of the meh ones, some of the interesting choices, all that jazz. Second...as always, I'm going to make yet another promise to continue on my "American Idol" Top 12 project. Will it get done soon? Hopefully. It's been a while. Sorry I'm so lame in getting it finished. Anyways...see you soon with some of the aforementioned posts, and for now, viva la DWTS!

DWTS Week 1 Results: Dropping A Bomb

Finally! After season after season of voting off perfectly nice/fun/interesting/good people first (except for season 8, where 'comedian' Jeffrey Ross quite deservedly got the first boot) on "DWTS," America was rather merciful and swift last night in their voting, and one of my least favorite dancers last night was sent home. Who was it? Well, you can probably guess from the title...and y'know, the billions of spoilers now swimming around the Internet...anyhow, but we shall discuss below. Discussion beginning...now. :)

• The Elimination: In my recap last night, I minced no words (I hope?) when it came to my dislike of David Hasselhoff and his cha cha cha (sort of) to "Sex Bomb." So as you can probably guess, I was rather happy to see him go home tonight. Although I audibly expressed anger at The Situation being announced as safe for next week (if only it was a double elimination week...sigh...), at least my fellow DWTS voters had the sense to spare the viewing public any more misery, and send "The Hoff" packing. His dance wasn't good, I didn't see much potential, and had he stayed for a few more weeks, David would have probably been limping through the competition, more as a figurehead rather than an actual contender. He just wasn't good. I didn't like him. Sorry for all of you that do think he's the tops. I'm not one of them, and I don't think I'll ever be...but that's just me. A few random side notes: I was delighted to see some shaky (but excellent) prospects like Bristol, Margaret, and Audrina advance to next week (as I've told you, I'm an unexpectedly growing Bristol fan; Margaret has huge potential, and she's hilarious and charming; and Audrina gave a respectable performance on Monday, so I was glad to see that she beat the Shannen Doherty/Josie Maran/Paulina Porizkova/Trista Sutter Memorial Girl Who Isn't Very Well-Known, Doesn't Stand Out, or People Kind of Don't Like For Some Reason Gets Knocked Out First, Regrettably Curse! :) ) Also, David's first-week exit (according to my research) brings "DWTS" closer to once again balancing out the gender count for first eliminations of the show's 11 seasons. (Counting first weeks with double eliminations, 7 women have gone home first, while 6 men have.)
• The Music: Well, I was pleasantly surprised in this department. Hearing Tom & Brooke announce yesterday that Santana and Daughtry were the main musical guests caused me to not expect much from tonight's musical performances. (They did mention India.Arie too, so I was excited for that part. She's terrific!) Thankfully, I was wrong, and both singularly named acts started the season off strong with, as follows: a spicy version of "Oye Como Va" (a Santana standard that I had forgotten about until they used it to kick off the show); a serviceable performance of "September" by Daughtry (as was true on "AI" a few months, and also seasons, ago, his live voice is impressive); a beautiful Santana duet with India.Arie of the Beatles' standard "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"; and a surprisingly amazing take on "Photograph" by Def Leppard (I have to admit I had no clue which band this was a cover of until afterwards; my dad's a big fan of Def Leppard, but I'm certainly not) by Daughtry & Santana. I really liked the backstage-style intro with the pros at the beginning, and it really adds a lot of energy to the results-show broadcast by starting straight off with a fiery number. India.Arie's gorgeous pipes on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" were terrific as always (I want that studio version now), and Daughtry was rocking "Photograph" like there was no tomorrow. (He moves farther and farther away from his 4th place "Idol" finish and closer and closer to legend status every time I see him perform, even if I don't particularly care for his band's music.) And the huge lighted stage set-up was interesting, and provided for an interesting dynamic that made the performances feel fresh. (Though I'm sure the main stage where the Harold Wheeler Band usually performs on dance nights felt lonely. :) ) All in all...the producers are going to have a hard time topping this. (But please do try. Some jazz vocalists would be a great start. :) )
• The Rest: He's been adding color commentary to results-show nights for quite a few seasons (along with Jimmy Kimmel, who I hope is back, believe it or not), and I have to admit tonight's segment was a bit less laugh-out-loud funny than previous years, but I still (sort of) get a kick out of Adam Carolla's wacky "DWTS" antics. The bit where Len invented a dance (I forget which) was the highlight. Tom also got in a witty line of his own...he told The Situation and David that "We'll inform you of your fates later," then quipped, "We've got an hour to fill." Leave it to Tom to gently jab the results-show concept and make it funny and charming...as I noted on Twitter, why doesn't he have an Emmy yet?? (Same with Cat Deeley. I'm not a regular SYTYCD viewer by any means, but even I can tell that she's one of the best hosts ever. Quick on her feet, invested in the contestants, and British!! OK, "Cat and Tom should have Emmys" rant complete. :) ) And finally, I had no idea Louis van Amstel had a ponytail in Season 1. (This bit of info was shown in a picture of him & Trista as the first couple eliminated in U.S. "DWTS" history.) The things I missed that random first season! Dang... :)

And that's all I have to say about the results show tonight. I think. (You'll notice I kinda wrote a bit more than I usually do about these things. Probably because this was the first results show in a long time that I was able to sit down and watch in its entirety. Thank goodness it was a good one! :) ) Here's one last farewell to the Hoff, and see y'all next week for another dancing recap. For now...viva la DWTS!

"Idol" Finale and Other Stuff: You Oughta Know

Well, that's it. America has crowned a new American Idol. My thoughts about the finale (which happened two weeks ago today...yep, I've been rather perfunctory in blogging about it)...well, I have quite a few, but I probably wouldn't know where to start. (Or for that matter, end...) First off, though, I'm not terribly happy with the result. Lee's definitely a nice guy (and he was hilarious and incredibly humanizing appearing with Crystal on "Ellen" a few days before the finale), but really...beyond that he doesn't have much. Vocally, he was underwhelming. Even if you and I disagree on his trajectory and performance quality throughout the season compared to Crystal's, I'd find it hard to believe even the staunchest Lee fan could find much in how he performed on Top 2 night that was dramatically better than Crystal. She gave three fiery, all-or-nothing performances...and he just sang. Fairly on-key (a dramatic improvement from his dark, ghastly semifinal days where any note held longer than a second and louder than speaking tone went more flat than a day-old pancake), but not very appealingly. Crystal blew him out of the water, and the fact that he bested her in the finale...it just left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. But oh well. Crystal got signed literally the day after (if my memory serves correctly, that's even quicker than Season 8's winner, Kris Allen, got picked up last year) by Idol's recording label, and both she and Lee look forward to debut albums late this fall. And, lest any of us forget...it's a reality show. So I can't complain...it's just kind of a lame end to an often frustrating season.

Recapping the finale (thank goodness I tweeted about it so I can remember the specifics):

• Alice Cooper with the Top 12: In the words of my Twitter post at the time..."This is the weirdest finale opening ever." Strange sound issues, inexplicable chorus of school uniform-clad zombies, and the Top 12 not sounding very live vocal-wise...yep, I stand by my tweet.
• Kris Allen, "The Truth": The truth is...this is one dang good song. Kris sang the heck out of it (though what was with that weird first 15 seconds where Ryan Seacrest's mike was still on? Way to be, sound technicians...), and you can probably tell from the fact that I downloaded the tune almost right after the finale ended, that I really loved it. Hopefully you did too. (Irony I noted on Twitter: Just a year before this performance, Kris was singing "No Boundaries" as the new American Idol champion. This time around, the song was again a midtempo rock ballad...but it was MUCH better than that nonsense.)
• The elevendy billion Simon tribute segments they liberally peppered throughout the night: At first they were kind of fun, then they got old, then they pulled out the really sentimental one at the end that totally nailed Simon's legacy (and reminded us why the heck we've put up with him for 9 seasons).
• Dane Cook with that random Simon-roast song: Let's again go to my thoughts that night..."I have to admit Dane Cook and his Simon insult song was pretty fun...but then the cadre of failed auditioners came on, & it all died." There are times I regret not watching the first 7 seasons of "Idol" with the rest of America. I had no idea who any of these fools were but psycho Tatiana from last season...thus, this is NOT one of those times.
• Siobhan (!!!) and Aaron (ehhh...) with the Bee Gees (?!?!?) singing "How Deep Is Your Love": Weird. But oddly satisfying. Though c'mon, producers...why didn't you give Siobhan something to wail on, dang it???
• The Two Mikes (OK, Michael Lynche & Michael McDonald): Somewhat inexplicable that these two would sing together just because they share a name (same applies to Lee & Chicago, below)...but I do enjoy "Takin' It To The Streets," and Big Mike was in fine form, along with the song's original singer and composer, Michael McDonald. Nice. Not amazing. But nice.
• Top 12 Girls & Christina Aguilera: Didi & Lacey sounded a bit shaky on "Beautiful" (sad!), Crystal rocked it, Siobhan and Paige (who finally seems to have recovered from her vocal health issues during the semifinals and on, and actually can sang) freaking OWNED "Fighter." (Katie Stevens aggressively rented it. :) ) And Christina, although she still is in mad, awkward love with the melisma (she used about twenty per minute), continues to maintain an impressive set of pipes, and knows how to work a ballad like no one's business.
• Top 12 Guys & Hall and Oates: As I tweeted that night...the girls got the still fairly current Aguilera...and the guys got an aging 80s soft-rock duo? OK, I do likes myself some Daryl & John, and they still sound pretty impressive. But really...this is 2010. It just kind of didn't make sense (and there were no Paige-esque revelatory turns among the guys...they all sounded pretty dang lame).
• Crystal Bowersox & Alanis Morissette: Isn't it ironic...wait, there wasn't much ironic about this. (Well, except for the song they sang, "Ironic," but I was trying to build a joke off of that... :) ) Kind of shaky at points, but approaching epic at others. Alanis still knows how to wail, Crystal was probably born knowing how to wail, and "You Oughta Know" is one rockin' number. (I'm not familiar with the song, so I didn't notice the somewhat-hilarious lyric change from "Would she go down on you in a theater?" to "Would she go down with you to the theater?" that Crystal had to take care of. Yeah, bit of a difference there...)
• Bret Michaels & Casey James, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn": Although I saw it coming a mile away when Casey started the iconic Poison number, the fact that Bret Michaels sang and played his heart out on the finale stage just a short while after recovering from multiple strokes was, I admit, pretty inspiring/impressive. A very solid performance, by both parties. Let's hope Casey takes a few lessons from Bret on being a classy duet partner (he gave lots of props to Casey), persevering through trial, and making someone who has quite a lot of contempt towards 80s rock actually sort of like a song from that era. (That would be me, folks. :) )
• Lee & Chicago: He's from Chicago, so pick Chicago to sing/play with him? I love the classic band...but really? That's kind of ridiculous. During the medley of Chicago hits like "If You Leave Me Now" and "25 or 6 to 4" (love that song...though haha, pretty sure it took about 20 times repeating the title for everyone in my family for them all to actually hear it correctly), I was digging it deeply, but looking back, I do realize the two lead vocalists gave pretty short shrift to Lee (though I didn't mind much, the less Lee the better in some cases), and the band as a whole wasn't in as fine form as they usually have been.
• I shall not speak of that "Pants on the Ground" fiasco. I've tried to forget it, actually. Moving on...
• Ditto with Paula giving a "comedy" "roast." Another tweet getting pulled in from that night: "Dear Producers, Never give Paula longer than thirty seconds. Or anything alone. Ever..."
• A large, awesome bunch of "Idol" alums singing "Together We Are One" on stage to Simon: Wow. Though it's sad that only the 7 present "Idol" winners (David Cook apparently had a charity gig already scheduled and couldn't attend) got to have solos (I saw Allison! I saw Allison!!!!), the sight of that much raw talent on the stage at the same time warmed my heart. As bad as this season might have felt, looking at all those terrific products of the "Idol" system gave me hope, dang it. Viva la Idol!
• Janet Jackson and the Top 12: Wow, I actually kind of forgot about this...awkward. Janet sounded great but not terribly live...and she didn't give much time to the Idols. Kind of cold, I'd say.
• Crystal, Lee, and Joe Cocker: Call me crazy/disrespectful/totally out of it, but I have never, do not, and probably never will get the appeal of Joe Cocker's voice. He sounded like he was aurally vomiting and probably emitted about 2 or 3 actual notes total. (Sorry. But me and my family actually laughed at his 'singing' at one point. I kid you not.) Still, the fact that he's a legend, and that Crystal (and Lee, but thankfully...I mean, unfortunately, cough cough...his mic kept cutting out) got to rock out with him was excellent.

So what am I going to do now that the seasons of both my favorite reality shows (and the subjects of this blog) are over and out? Ironically ("like raaaain...on your wedding day" :) )....keep blogging. Remember that Top 12 profile project I mentioned earlier? I'm going to jump in and get to work on that. I'll give posts to each of this season's top 12 contenders, picking my favorite performance of theirs, what I thought about their elimination, and all that good stuff. (Yes, I'll probably finish that project quite a while after the finale. But many of those talented guys and gals still need to be remembered long after "Idol," so I might as well help them in that regard.) I'll also hopefully be making posts about what I think needs to change on "Idol," how the judges did this season, and things like that. And any of you "DWTS" fans out there, never fear...I'll be taking care of all the dancing-a-licious recaps I missed, somehow. (A little "DWTS" commentary for now: I'm actually kind of glad Nicole won. Really...) For now...I'll end this incredibly long catching-up post. Get ready for lots more blogging to come!

Eliminations and a Few Loose Ends: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted

So I promised you all (by you all, I mean anyone who reads this blog at all) a post reacting to last week's eliminations on both "Dancing With The Stars" and "American Idol," and also what I thought of "Idol" contestants Crystal Bowersox and Aaron Kelly's performances on Top 10 night on Tuesday. So here we go, in what should be a quick and painless manner. Anger and frustration is bound to be involved. (You didn't save Didi, America! Ultimate fail. :( )

• Crystal Bowersox: I've quite enjoyed Crystal's performances the past few weeks (especially last week's electric "Me and Bobby McGee"), but for some reason this week's "Midnight Train to Georgia" finally sold me on Crystal's high degree of excellence. With Siobhan (sniff, sniff) slipping up and Didi getting the boot (more on that below), methinks Crystal is by a nose my favorite. Her take on the classic Gladys Knight & the Pips tune was, to me, a step up from her usual goodness...it was full of soul, emotion, and was just plain beautiful. OK, it had piano in it, and I'm a major, major sucker for any number with piano, but she just really nailed it. Those high notes at the end were top-notch. Crystal once again failed to hit a wrong note (both figuratively and literally). She hasn't given a bad performance yet, but they haven't just been OK....they've all been excellent. Viva la Crystal!
• Aaron Kelly: Now, I'm not usually in the "someone had a 'moment' with this song! It should never be sung on 'American Idol' ever again!" camp...after all, "Idol"'s long and storied history has taught us that once a song has been knocked out of the park on the show's stage (example: Carrie Underwood's powerhouse, star-making performance of "Alone"), that doesn't mean it can't be brilliantly performed again (example: Allison Iraheta's grippingly delicious take on "Alone" during last season's semifinals). But there's always an exception to the rule, and that exception last Tuesday was Aaron. Kris Allen's soulful, stripped-down performance of "Ain't No Sunshine" last season was a turning point for the eventual champ. Last season, mind you. Not season 2, not season 4, the season RIGHT BEFORE THIS ONE. Sure, if Aaron had delivered a terrific version of the tune, I wouldn't be having this discussion, but really, can we say that that's what he gave? It was weak, flat, and devoid of much soul or energy. Usher's counsel to Aaron to vary his "I know"s for maximum impact was wisely heeded in the mentoring session, but when Aaron got onto the stage, his "I know"s were just as repetitive and bland as he had originally done them. Blegh. I have the sinking feeling that Aaron will be here for awhile thanks to the "teen girls who love cute guys" vote (its maddening effect on keeping Tim Effing Urban in the competition shall be discussed below)...if there's ever a time I wanted to have to eat my words, it would be now.
• The "Idol" Elimination: Didi over Tim? DIDI GOING HOME OVER BLEEPING TIM?!?!?! Do the Idol voters of America know how to get ANYTHING right anymore?!?!?! First, last season Allison Iraheta got a scandalously premature ouster and ended up in 4th place. (Don't you dare say she deserved that finish.) Then, this time around, Katelyn, Lilly, and Alex went home all at once in the last week of the semifinals, rather than with a recording contract a few months after they finished in or near the Final 3. And now, three women in a row (two of them very good--Lacey and Didi--and one of them at least somewhat OK...Paige) have fallen victim to the ruthless, idiotic, horrible machine of suckitude that is Tim Urban. Is he single-handedly the reason they've all gone home? Well, when he's been in the Bottom 3 for three weeks running (and the Bottom 2 for the past two weeks), I would say yes. His performances are dismal. His deer-in-the-headlights looks are nauseating. His flippant laughing in the face of the judges' deservedly harsh commentary is grating. All that's keeping him in the competition is his good looks. And that is wrong. I know "Idol" often isn't anything close to a true singing competition. I know people are shallow, and I know the "look" is a key part of recording success in today's world. But honestly...it is time for Tim to go. It has been time for him to go, in fact, since the first week of the semifinals. If America does not make the correct choice next week, and even worse, if another female goes home (Crystal & Siobhan are stellar, and Katie isn't that great at all, but she's better than Tim, and her departure would leave only 2 dang women left), I am seriously considering revolting against this show. As for Didi, I eagerly await her album and to hear more from her. She deserves a heck of a lot more than she got from the "Idol" experience, and I hope to goodness that she gets it all, and more.
• The "DWTS" Elimination: This first cut of the season definitely wasn't as frustrating as Didi's elimination from "Idol," but it still wasn't that great. Shannen Doherty gave solid dances her first two weeks of competition, and she by far was not the worst of either night of dancing. I was excited to see more of her, but I guess now I won't get the chance. That is really disappointing. On the bright side, I still have quite a few dancers to love (Niecy, Chad, Erin, and even Buzz), and Kate Gosselin's time on the dancefloor is not likely to be long (I've rarely heard a good word about the reality-TV mom, for good reason...her dances were dismal, and even though you indeed can't vote against a contestant, as EW columnist Annie Barrett astutely pointed out, I highly doubt that she'll be able to hold out vote-wise for much longer with all that negative feeling). There is hope for "DWTS" Season 10 yet.

And there you go. This was rather heavy on the ranting and venting, but with the depressing eliminations that went down this past week, that's what was in order. See y'all soon with a (probably a bit late, since I can't catch "DWTS" live tonight) new "Dancing" recap.

"Idol" Top 11, Then 10: Through The Fire

Once upon a time, I did my "Idol" recap on time (more or less...OK, maybe not on time, but at least that same week :) ), and I made it the quickest recap I've ever done (again, more or less). Well, this time around I have to cover two weeks in a row, and I have probably less time than I did two weeks ago, so let's get this recap rolling. (And preemptively, since the results show is about to start...SAVE DIDI!)

• First off, Paige Miles's ouster last week was rather imminent. Paige truly didn't do well at all with Phil Collins' languid hit "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)," and with the fact that the previous four weeks were also ranging from "fiery trainwreck of doom" to "well, I guess you did OK, since you had laryngitis," I'm not too sad that Paige missed out on the tour. (I am sad, however, that Tim didn't miss out...see below for evidence of my contempt towards the hopeless waif.)
• Siobhan Magnus: Last week's "Superstition," I thought, was dang good. People may have derided the return of the "Siobhan Scream" for yet another week, but I thought it really fit, and Siobhan just really owned the song (scatting in the coda! heck yes!) in her own special way. This week, I wish I could say the same, but I can't. While one of my roommates who's not quite sold on Ms. Magnus (or "Idol" in general) was sitting right next to me, to my horror, Siobhan failed to hit a majority of her notes, and her performance was rather ghastly. I hope she's not in danger (after all, the judges even took time to point out she's been stellar EVERY week up until now), but then again, when Siobhan got the dreaded first slot, and this is the voting public that gave Allison Iraheta a deeply unfair fourth-place finish, I can't help but worry a bit.
• Casey James: Last week, I have to admit I didn't exactly watch Casey's performance all the way through. Sorry. But from what I've seen, it was good but bland, as Casey usually is. Same this week...why were the judges so excited? It was the same middle-of-the-road, competent rock that Casey has been delivering every week. The song was horribly repetitive ("Hold on, I'm comin'"...it would have normally been fine, except Casey didn't variate his lines very much at all), and Casey lacked a lot of soul. I'm smelling a 6th or 7th place finish for this guy if he doesn't significantly be...somewhat interesting.
• Michael Lynche: Last week started off great ("When A Man Loved A Woman," for those of you who missed/forgot it), all smooth and intimate and reined-in, and then Big Mike went all overblown-Vegas lounge singer on us. This week was better, I have to admit, but I still thought his version of India.Arie's "Ready for Love" (which I need to listen to, I've never heard it but I'm a recent fan of hers) was still a bit too overcooked for my taste. It didn't grab me as much as it should have. Hmmm....I think I might have fallen off the Big Mike Bandwagon.
• Didi Benami: I fear for Didi. I fear for her a lot. Last week's performance of "You're No Good" was excellent, I thought (I must have bought her supposed 'vamp' act, I thought she seemed very comfortable on stage and interacting with the bass player and stuff), but it got torn apart by the judges. This week was even worse, turnout-wise. I have to admit, Didi's take on "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" was too overdone and she was straining far too hard for some of the notes. (And why did she pick that song anyhow? The last person on "Idol" who covered it was utterly forgettable season 8 semifinalist, and strangely, the first person I ever saw perform live on an "Idol" live show, Kai Kalama, and he sucked it up.) But is she "lost," as the judges perplexingly intoned? Does she deserve to go home in any way, shape, or form? Was her performance a trainwreck? Lord no. Once again I shout with all the energy I can, SAVE DIDI, DANG IT!
• Tim Urban: Now if you're looking for a prime candidate for elimination, here's your guy. From Tim's flat, flip, and cruise-ship-esque (I know I hate Simon for repeating "cruise ship singer" constantly, but it actually would have applied very well in this case) 'performance' of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" to his deer-in-the-headlights look on his soulless "Sweet Love" (hmmm, two "love" songs in a row, random), he is decidedly dead weight to the Season 9 "Idol" finals. He flippantly laughs when the judges rip him apart (yay, Ellen stopped calling him adorable!), he looks like he's about to ask for a dog treat when 'singing,' and I just want him to GO. NOW. Please?
• Andrew Garcia: Concise moment time! I think. "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" was cold and awkward. Andrew didn't sell it at all. This week, Andrew is back! For the first time since the sadly underappreciated "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" in the semifinals, Mr. Garcia played to his strengths and delivered a soulful, committed, and heartwarmingly good acoustic reworking of a popular song NOT by a female pop princess. ("Forever" never sounded so good.) I loved it. (I loved his mom's delightful and distinctively Latin antics just as much. :) ) I was about ready to give up on Andrew for failing too many times, but he's won his way back into my heart.
• Katie Stevens: Her version of "Big Girls Don't Cry" last week may have been current, but it was often tuneless and devoid of life. I didn't really go for it at all. This week, "Chain of Fools" was a muddled mess...I literally was begging for it to be over only about a minute through. Sure, Katie hit significantly more correct pitches than she has in probably the last four weeks combined--but it was incredibly "robotic," like Simon correctly noticed, and it just didn't live up to Aretha at all. (A very astutely hilarious commenter at USA Today shared my observation that Katie singing the lyric "for 5 long years I thought you were my man" meant that she apparently has loved a man since the age of 12. :) ) Katie, if you end up going home tonight, which because you 'improved,' you probably won't, I still won't shed a tear. Not one. Sorry.
• Lee DeWyze: Crap, running out of time. I didn't dig either of his performances these past two weeks, though I admit they were improvements. He's ironed out his pitch issues, but even his supposedly breakthrough performance last night of "Treat Her Like A Lady" was still unbearably scratchy and overshot, and his personality is still nonexistent. If Lee makes it to the finals, I just may be driven to drink. (Orange juice?? Well, I indeed haven't consumed that in a while.)
• And Crystal Bowersox, who was amazing, and Aaron Kelly, who was certainly not, will just have to wait until after I return from an engagement I am heading off to attend. I may create a separate post for them (combined with my reaction to the results...SAVE DIDI, PEOPLE!...of both "Idol" and "DWTS"). Or I'll just delete this and add them to this post. We shall see. For now, adios!

"Idol" Top 12 Night In A Nutshell: Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

Well, it's been a week since Tuesday & Wednesday and I still haven't delivered you (whoever you are...are you out there???) a recap from last week's Top 12 performances (and subsequent elimination of one unlucky soul) on "American Idol." Since I am rather pressed for time, and I usually write too much anyway, I am going to attempt an experiment in typing very little for each contestant. (I considered putting all of them in my Twitter box and making sure they stayed under 140 characters, but thought better of it. That would be too annoying... :) ) So here we go. Brandon being concise. This should be interesting. :D

• Michael Lynche, "Miss You": This was kind of fun, but also kind of bland. Michael still sounds a bit flat and stale. And I still haven't become attached to him or his vocals. This is worrisome for him...he could end up an early casualty, after the love wears off.
• Didi Benami, "Play With Fire": Dang, I don't have the time to gush about this. Didi really rocked it last Tuesday...she showed to all those stupid haters that she has a powerful, unique instrument, and that she's here to stay. Her take on this Rolling Stones classic was pitch-perfect, passionate, and just wow. Didi for the win! Or at least for the Final 3. (Crystal, Siobhan, and Didi in the Final 3...I would dance in utter and indescribable joy. :) )
• Casey James, "It's All Over Now": OK, so I did gush about Didi anyway. Casey's guitar playing once again outshined his vocals here. I find little to remember about his performance, except that it didn't really catch my eye. Sorry, Casey. You're just not amazing enough. At all.
• Lacey Brown, "Ruby Tuesday": Poor Lacey. She definitely wasn't the worst this week, and I actually liked her performance a lot. (Maybe it was the spicy string-quartet intro that drew me in. I'm a sucker for strings. :) ) Her vocals were a bit reminiscent of the semifinals' first two weeks' flat-and-pitchy-fest, but they still weren't too bad. So dang that Lacey got sent home. I wish her the best, and hope her and her fellow Southern early-castoff Alexis Grace (from last season) get the dang record deals they deserve.
• Andrew Garcia, "Gimme Shelter": What happened to Andrew? He started off good (I STILL love his semifinal take on "Sugar, We're Going Down", dang it!), then he quite royally tanked. Last Tuesday was no different. It's gotten to the point where I no longer look forward to his performances, when before I awaited them eagerly. He really needs to find his vibe...because otherwise, I won't mind if he gets sent home.
• Katie Stevens, "Wild Horses": Against all odds, I actually kind of dug this. Sure, Katie's low range was neglected like a redheaded stepchild, and she still seems to be a bit pretentious. But those glory notes she hit in the chorus were hints of the goodness she used to bring in Hollywood Week and her audition. I'm not re-attached to Katie yet, but this performance was a vast improvement over the crap she's been delivering lately.
• Tim Urban, "Under My Thumb": Oh my heck, this was dismal. Full disclosure: I'm not familiar with the original song at all, so I'm not as scandalized by Tim's wonky reworking of the (apparently very chauvinistic) Stones song, but that didn't stop me from thinking this performance was quite worthy of elimination. It was sleepy (and I listen to quiet, supposedly 'boring' songs on a regular basis), flat, and disjointed. It was like a poor man's Jason Mrubbish with the flu. For the love of all things Megan Joy, America, SEND THIS BROTHER HOME.
• Siobhan Magnus, "Paint It Black": STOP COMPARING EVERY FREAKING CONTESTANT IN THIS SEASON TO ADAM. The world did not begin and end when Mr. Lambert stepped onto the stage. He was not by any means perfect (he screeched like a wounded crow with a throat infection), and y'all really need to just let him go. As for Siobhan's performance...it just gets better with every listen. The music box-esque waltz beginning was brilliant. The pitch problems I so worriedly noticed while watching the telecast seem to disappear each time I hear the song on my iTunes, and even the "holy crap, did she REALLY sing that???" note at the end, which originally I thought was a good deal less healthy and shouty than Siobhan's similar glory note on "Think," gets less and less out of place. It was truly a fiery take, and while I was unsure of it on Top 12 night, right now is hands-down one of my favorite performances this season.
• Lee DeWyze, "Beast of Burden": It's time to be concise again. He still went horribly flat on long notes. His take was so bland I can't remember much about it. I STILL don't get why people love this hack, and I doubt I ever will. Go figure.
• Paige Miles, "Honky Tonk Women": My mouth pretty much dropped open in shock when she told Ryan she had freaking laryngitis and was still singing, and I have to admit, shockingly, she did better Tuesday. But it was still quite a bit off, and I definitely wouldn't have minded if she had gone home Wednesday.
• Aaron Kelly, "Angie": Boring. Bland. OK. Vocally unimpressive but not a mess. There. That's Aaron's performance in a nutshell. Yawn...
• Crystal Bowersox, "You Can't Always Get What You Want": Very good, though I kept wishing for a gospel choir (a la the original recording) to jump out and jam with Ms. Bowersox. Still, I really enjoyed it. A fine performance by a fine contender for the crown, nothing more, nothing less.

And that was probably the fastest recap I've ever done. Sorry if I missed anything (I'm sure I did). Adios, and my "DWTS" recap along with more "Idol" recapping is to come at a later date!

Top 10 Girls Night: A Change Is Gonna Come

After the travesty that the guys' performance night was once again this week, it was a huge relief to see quite a few of the girls knock it out of the park on Wednesday. Was it all amazing? Not exactly, and there was some disappointment. But it was miles better than Tuesday night and the guys, and it shows that Simon is probably right when he predicts that a female will win this year (finally!). And with that, we dive into the recap of the Top 10 Girls...plus results.

• Crystal Bowersox: After an intense brush with sickness-related elimination this week (Crystal was taken to the hospital for diabetes-related complications, and had she not been able to perform, she would have likely been axed from the competition), Crystal came out and gave a solid, gospel-infused performance of "Long As I Can See the Light." I have to admit I'm not familiar with the original, but I think Crystal sold it pretty dang well. I wouldn't rave about it like the judges (somewhat inexplicably) were, as it didn't always pop as much as it should have, but it was very good, and one of the best of the night. MamaSox is definitely a well-deserved front-runner.
• Haeley Vaughn: Haeley was sweet, but her personality always trumped her vocal talents (or lack thereof), and her supposedly radiant smile was never enough to distract me from her wonky notes and decidedly off performances. Thus, I'm not too torn up that she has left the "Idol" stage. Her take on "The Climb" was nearly worse than a live performance than the original 'artist' herself, Miley Cyrus, and that's definitely not good, seeing as Ms. Cyrus has severe trouble singing a note anywhere close to the correct pitch. It lacked the bare-bones confidence Haeley brought to her awkward and messy, yet assured cover of "I Want To Hold Your Hand" last week, and it was painful to listen to. So sorry, Haeley, it was time for you to go. Good luck in the future,  though, and once you have a few more years under your belt, you might be able to go places.
• Lacey Brown: Lacey, why do you disappoint me so? Last week's performance of "Landslide" was sadly flat and nerve-wracked. This week Lacey displayed more confidence, but little more control over pitch, while singing "Kiss Me." She was wise to take up Ellen's suggestion from last Tuesday, but very unwise to keep the song largely as it originally was done. It was dry and very karaoke. (Oh dear, I used a Simon adjective...that is rather troubling...) Where's the Lacey that p'wned "Over the Rainbow" and "What A Wonderful World" with a deliciously twangy, self-assured, smooth tone? We need to find her fast, because right now, I'm afraid that Lacey's time is up, and she's not on my shortlist to make the Top 12, and that's a crying shame.
• Katie Stevens: Here comes another past favorite that I'm losing faith in for the second week in a row. I love "Put Your Records On." I love Katie's voice. I love kittens. (Wait, that had nothing to do with her performance, did it? :) ) But I didn't love her take on it. It wasn't quite there...it was unimaginative, and Katie just seemed to be singing by the numbers, rather than injecting her own personality and uniqueness into it. I highly disagree with Ellen (oh no, that's a sad day!) that Katie needs to pick something even younger...I've liked the songs she's picked the past two weeks, it's just the disjointed performances I've had an issue with. Katie needs to find her niche, and she's not going to by singing the work of teenagers (Justin Bieber, for example? Lord no!). I hope she's able to get her sea legs, but as it stands right now, I wouldn't be horribly sad if she didn't make the Top 12. (Again, a shame.)
• Didi Benami: Thank the stars above that Didi stayed, but I fear she's in danger now after her kind of out-of-her-element performance of "Lean On Me." I thought it wasn't a complete mess--her vocals were still smooth and unique, and the pitch wasn't all off--but it definitely wasn't a very good song choice for Didi, at least not with the cookie-cutter arrangement Rickey Minor and Co. brought to the table. But really, commenters? One of the two worst voices in the competition? Were you LISTENING prior to this week? Her smooth voice has been on-point and beautiful up until now. So let this excellent lady make the Top 12, or I will sue. As for you, Didi, please pick a song that plays to your strengths next week. It doesn't have to be typical, but it should be your own. Over and out.
• Michelle Delamor: Poor Michelle only got 2 weeks and a December "Idol" promo of total screentime this season, but her slightly off Creed number this week was, in my view, fair grounds for elimination. Sure, a week more might have been nice, but she really wasn't displaying potential to do well in the Top 12, or even win it all. She just sang well, and on Wednesday, "With Arms Wide Open" wasn't even that the entire time. It was too big a song, and Michelle didn't change it up enough to suit her style. So Michelle, we hardly knew ye, and I wish you the best, but this wasn't a terrible decision on the voters' part. C'est la vie.
• Lilly Scott: I love Lilly quite a lot still, but I have to admit I wasn't completely sold on her committed acoustic-influenced "A Change Is Gonna Come." While I chafe at those who stupidly compare it to Adam Lambert from last season (there was a little guy named SAM FREAKIN' COOKE who it did much better, and FIRST, folks!), even with that pointless comparison aside, Lilly's vocals weren't entirely perfect. It was a little off at parts. Still, Lilly went all out on her performance, she rearranged it just enough to make it her own without gutting its heritage, and it really showed. Thank goodness the judges gave her some love, and I think Lilly has nowhere to go but up. Viva la Lilly!
• Katelyn Epperly: Katelyn gave a fiery performance of "Oh, Darling" by the Beatles last week that showed she ain't no cannon fodder (forgive my momentary lapse into Southern dialect, after all, it's no longer National Grammar Day :) ), and this week, she earned her way right into my "Idol" voting heart. Who cares if Ellen and Randy whined that her take on "The Scientist" was slow? It was exquisitely so, and her vocals were beautiful. It was the kind of emotional, heartbreakingly excellent performance that you don't expect "Idol" to deliver. But Katelyn did, turning the already great Coldplay tune into an even more heart-rending number. The judges should have given more love, but no matter. Katelyn is most certainly on a roll, and she's become just like Alex Lambert--an unexpected talent that I never thought I could love so much.
• Paige Miles: I'm not quite as frustrated with the judges' lovefest with Paige as I am (see last recap) with Lee DeWyze, but I'm still confused. Exactly why are you praising her so much? She has a good voice, sure. But it's being laid waste to by truly horrendous song choices. Last week's "All Right Now" was a mess, and this week with "Walk Away," Paige fared little better. Yet the judges are eating it up. Why??? Simon hit it right on the nose by pointing out Paige has picked dismal songs the past two weeks. Unfortunately for Paige, it's too late in my book for her to catch up...there are only 6 female spots in the Top 12, and I don't have her pegged for any of them. Her personality kind of rubs me the wrong way, and she isn't bringing her all. It's time for her to say goodbye, next week.
• Siobhan Magnus: And finally, Siobhan. She was good. DANG good. It takes major gumption (as a few of the judges pointed out) to take on an Aretha Franklin number, and it takes even more than that--namely, a heck of a lot of talent and performing style and skill--to sell said Aretha song. And when you chose one of Ms. Franklin's most iconic and challenging tunes, "Think," it's a recipe for disaster. But not when you have the fearless, ferociously good pipes of Siobhan. I loved her performance, and this was with me still having Noteworthy's sassy version on "The Sing-Off" still firmly in my memory, along with Aretha's original. Doing the whirlwind 2 minutes Siobhan was on the stage, I completely forgot about those versions. All I saw was a masterful voice doing its work. That note at the end...freaking wow. Siobhan did more than sell "Think." She OWNED it. And with that, she's one of my definite favorites. On to the Top 12, Ms. Magnus! :)

And that's the women for this week. Hallelujah for talent! I'll be back soon on this blog with a recap of how I see the Top 16, and who I want to/think will make it past the last semifinal eliminations this week. For now, over and out. :)

Top 10 Guys Night: What's Going On

Well, once again I find myself recapping (for no one?) after the results show aired. It's probably good I waited on finishing this particular recap (I had the first few paragraphs drafted way back on Tuesday night), as this area was previously filled with an intense, rambling, angry rant about how far "Idol" has fallen. You'll still see some of my wrath manifested (Lee DeWyze...grrrr....), but the fact that I've forgotten some of the judges' wonky comments, that two guys have been eliminated, and that since the rather dreadful spate of male performances I'm about to discuss, the girls took the stage on Wednesday and actually made me remotely happy, should temper my frustration and anger just a bit. And oh, let's not forget the fact that oh, this is a REALITY SHOW. Anyhoo...let's recap, and once again I'll put the eliminated folks in italics, as well as talk about their ouster.

(Side note: I changed my blog title. Feedback would be nice. Ironically, it's inspired by the title of Jason Mrubbish's last album...he's not my cup of cocoa in the music department, but that title is admittedly pretty fun. :) )

• Michael Lynche: I don't quite know what happened between me and Michael. Hollywood Week, I was raving about the guy and his fun personality + delightful vocals. But in the semifinals so far, the lovable big guy hasn't done much for me. To be sure, his performance of "It's A Man's Man's Man's World" (by James Brown, ambitious...) was vastly better than last week's flat karaoke take on "This Love." That said, it wasn't completely there. Sure, Michael owned the song, but he still sounded flat at points and his excessive vibrato was ultra-distracting, and oddly reminiscent of a Vegas supper club 'singer.' It simply didn't catch on for me. And the judges going crazy over it, like it was the best thing since sliced bread (when in reality it was closer to the sliced bread than the best thing since it), was the icing on the disheartening "I'm not sure I like Michael anymore" cake.
• John Park: This may seem strange, but John's elimination is the one I'm most disappointed about. Sure, his performance of "Gravity" (by John Mayer, if only he did the Sara Bareilles song) on Tuesday was a bit bland and by the numbers (and "God Bless The Child" last week was a frustratingly sad mess), and to be truthful, if given the choice between John and Todrick (who were both brought to center stage during the results show), I would have picked the latter, as Todrick at least is abundantly creative. Still, he had a good voice, he was a FREAKING BARITONE (baritones gotta stick together! there aren't THAT many of us), and I don't know, I just thought he was cool. There were some moments of glory on Tuesday night, and John also showed off some interesting cultural connections--English is his second language, for example--as well as the fact that he's a member of Purple Haze, a college a cappella group. Looks like I'll be checking out their music so I can see more of John's beautiful bottom end. (For the last time...his VOICE! :) )
• Casey James: Kara must be on something, because in that world is "I Don't Wanna Be" a quality song? Gavin DeGraw's original is grating and repetitive, with a pointless, rambling melody. Thus, it wasn't entirely the best choice for Casey at all. His rock-crooner-esque voice got lost in the Hendrix-wannabe arrangement, and while his guitar playing was pretty impressive, his stage presence once again was not. It was an unqualified mess, to be frank. It looks like after last week's fairly good performance, Casey is once again back on my "ehh" list.
• Alex Lambert: If you've seen any of my previous words about the Lambert Who Doesn't Shout And Scream, this next sentence will rather surprise you. I loved his performance--and it was the only Top 10 Guys song I downloaded. Really. Yes, this was as much a surprise to me as it may be to you (all you imaginary blog readers?), but after last week's James Morrison copycat performance of doom, Alex gathered his nerves, refrained from upchucking, and delivered a nicely changed-up, genuinely soulful version of John Legend's "Everybody Knows." Alex's deliciously quirky tone, fiercely trampled last week, really shone through on Tuesday. There were a few tiny moments of strange pronunciation and slightly flat pitch, but overall, the performance was a revelation, and I really dug it. Bring the goods next week, Alex (and lose the dang mullet already!), and you may have yourself a new voter.
• Todrick Hall: Whatever you may think about Todrick, you have to admit he's got style. His reinventions the past two weeks have been interesting, to say the least. Completely on point? Um, not really. But Todrick's mad passion for creating wild rearrangements of his songs is a much better trait to have than being boring and by-the-numbers, as the aforementioned guy eliminated instead of him, John Park, learned the hard way. About his performance of "What's Love Got To Do With It"--it's rather ambitious to take on an iconic Tina Turner tune (alliteration!), since Ms. Turner stylized her hits so much. The vocals were a bit off, and the arrangement once again didn't quite work. Still, what are the freaking judges playing at?? They tell EVERY OTHER DANG PERSON to be artistic and change up their songs. Yet when Todrick does exactly what they ask, they rip him apart for doing so. Crazy people behind the table...how about you take him to task for the quality (or lack thereof) his performance, rather than focusing your criticism on the very thing you're requiring of all the other semifinalists? What you're doing at the moment is called a double standard. STOP IT. And Simon, Todrick did not change the song too much...in my opinion, he didn't change it enough (and not in a very good way), doing little more than shifting the song into minor and slowing it down a bit. Todrick, you ignore those stupid judges and keep making your songs ultra-interesting. But next week, try to make it interesting AND good. I know you can.
• Jermaine Sellers: Finally, an eliminated contestant I'm truly happy about! (This is really the first time. Long live Tyler, Joe, and John! We hardly knew ye.) Sorry. But really, Jermaine needed to go. Badly. Between his strange love for onesies ("I rocks the onesie, y'all"), his awkward and slightly sacrilegious "I know God" statements, and his truly awful caterwauling, Mr. Sellers truly rubbed me the wrong way. His 'performance' of "What's Going On" on Tuesday was an overblown mess. The arrangement, recycled almost in full from Kris Allen's studio version of the tune from last season (he really owns it, by the way), wasn't completely ghastly, but the excessive runs, wonky pitch, and general suckitude that Jermaine tacked onto it certainly were. It wasn't quite as painful as "Get Here" from last week, but at the same time it was. It stained the Marvin Gaye name. It ruined the song. And, thank the stars above, it sent Jermaine Sellers home. (That's quite easily the best part of the whole thing.)
• Andrew Garcia: I still firmly stand by my love of "Sugar We're Going Down" from last week (the reharmonization in the chorus background vocals still gets me, in the best way), and I still hate the judges for being so stupid ("It wasn't as good as 'Straight Up'! Thus, it must suck!"), and I still think Andrew is the bees' knees...but even I have to admit, his take on "You Give Me Something" this week was painfully safe. He sounded a bit flat at parts, something that has never been a problem, and it did little more than color in the lines of James Morrison's solid original. There were so many good things Andrew could have done with the melody, the arrangement, or the song in general, but he didn't, and that's a crying shame. Losing the guitar might have seemed like a good choice--after all, one doesn't want to seem like a one-trick pony--but in the end, it didn't quite work. Andrew, you're better than this! His song last week was amazing, and y'all better realize that, but this week was certainly a depressing step backwards.
• Aaron Kelly: Last week's solid vocal notwithstanding, I'm still not quite on board the Aaron Kelly train, and his decidedly off version of "My Girl" this week certainly did the teen no favors. My roommates were somewhat in the room during his performance on Tuesday, and all two or three of us were cringing--literally--at the wonky vibrato, countless pitch issues, the strange and awkward country-soul arrangement, and just the general gruesomeness of it all. It was not the right song at all. (AT ALL.) Sure, Aaron displayed a heck of a lot more confidence, but confidence isn't really a redeeming factor when the performance plain sucks as...pirin. (Nice save? :) ) What's more, the judges went largely gaga (and not the "Speechless"-esque Lady variety) over it. Do they just dream of ways to make sensible, music-loving viewers angry? Because they're doing a heck of a good job at it.
• Tim Urban: And he stayed WHY?!?!? Stop looking at his freaking abs, people (if you weren't aware, shirtless pics of Mr. Moptoppington have made it onto the web...well, more like endless copies of the same dang shirtless pic), and vote this lamentably lame singer off, darn it! His performance of "Come On Get Higher" (by Matt Nathanson, who I have never bloomin' heard of) was better than last week, sure, but I'm pretty sure even a performance by Simon himself could have accomplished that feat. Tim's pitch was still largely off, and his tone was decidedly bland and nearly nonexistent. Ellen slipped in one too many "you're adorable" statements into her critique, but she was pretty spot-on when she said Tim might be better suited to acting. Simon was harsh, but even more on point, when he said a Tim Urban acting career should not involve singing. Because really, when he does, it's like something akin to Hel...sinki.
• Lee DeWyze: Here comes the ranting and potential sentences in all caps. Like this: WHY do people like Lee? His voice is so grating I almost want to scream. He picked one of the crappiest, most annoying songs in the world ("Lips of An Angel"? Freakin' really?). And he is NOT, I repeat NOT, the best male vocalist in the competition right now, not by a long shot. He's a poor man's Daughtry, and any comparisons to David Cook (whose voice I'm not completely in love with, but at least he stayed on key...right?) are bordering on criminal. Lee went off pitch repeatedly yet again tonight. He did little to reinvent the song. He looks like he's bored. And the idiotic judges FREAKING SAID IT WAS GOOD. Just like that, it sadly seems, I've found this season's Adam Lambert--the contestant that everyone seems to love but I just can't stand.

Well, there you have it, the Top 10 (well, now Top 8) guys. For the love of all things Kris Allen, please let them be better next week. Sure, there are a lot of good women to (likely) beat them later on down the road, but if I'm spending one or two hours of my Tuesday or Wednesday watching these people sing, I want it to be remotely good, not of the horribly painful variety that makes me contemplate ditching "Idol." (I seriously had those thoughts on Tuesday.) Recap of the girls, who were much better and much less annoying than the guys, to come posthaste.

Top 12 Guys Night (+ Results): Sugar, We're Going Down

OK, so I'm exceedingly late on this. No one reads this blog as of yet, however, so I think I am excused. Anyways, since the results show has already gone forth and eliminated, I will discuss the performances of the Top 12 guys (oh my, this was like an even-worse sequel to a disappointing girls' night), and when it comes to those axed by America's cruel phone-dialing/texting fingers, I will elaborate on my feelings about their departure. (At the end, I'll talk about the two girls' eliminations. Ashley and Janell, we hardly knew ye. In the case of the former, thank goodness...and as for the latter, methinks you suffered a total eclipse of the Heart. :) )

• Todrick Hall: My words to my roommate (who was catching a little bit of the show while eating at the table, reluctantly, of course) after the performance said it all..."That was...interesting..." Todrick is to be commended for his wildly creative song-rearrangement skills, and his vocals were pretty well on-key, but besides that...wow. (And not a good wow either.) I'm probably the world's biggest proponent of radical, crazy reworkings of songs (see Andrew Garcia below, for example), but even I thought Todrick twisted the melody and structure of "Since U Been Gone" a wee bit too much. The spoken-word intro at the beginning was pretty dang awkward, and the whole performance just didn't fit so well together. That said...Todrick showed he was brave, and that his deliciously unique take on "I'm Yours" during Hollywood Week was no fluke. Still...he needs a heck of a lot more consistency if he's going to keep changing up numbers like this. Otherwise the judges (who were asking the girls THE SHOW BEFORE to give more creative takes on songs) may not be very happy, again.
• Aaron Kelly: I'm still not a fan of the young gun (16, people, 16...) that I think the judges let through way too early, but I have to admit his performance of "Here Comes Goodbye" was a pretty good choice. The bombastic country-pop stylings of Rascal Flatts (a group who I have eternally mixed feelings about) were a perfect fit for Aaron's somewhat soaring pipes. Did the performance wow me? Not really. I found it dull and he pushed a little too much at many parts, and his tone wasn't the greatest. But was it a performance that showed he deserves to be in the semifinals? Yeah, pretty much.
• Jermaine Sellers: Now, I love "Get Here" (I was introduced to it junior year when we almost sang it in our chamber/jazz group), and think it's a beautiful song (it's NOT karaoke, people!). That said...may it rest in peace, because Jermaine sure as heck murdered it repeatedly on Wednesday night. The performance started off pleasantly enough, and Jermaine treated it with (his own slightly overblown version of) respect. Then he got into the chorus, and there went the melody, the song, and any artistic credibility Jermaine might have had left. It was truly just painful. The segment after the judges critiqued him...where he momentarily had no idea who "Idol" music director Michael Orland was, was embarrassing and should have sealed Jermaine's fate, but unfortunately, America is not as merciful as they should be.
• Tim Urban: Another clunker, another missed opportunity for America to send home the right person. While his ridiculous hairstyle (did a Dust Bunny from "The Big Comfy Couch," wearing black because no one watches that show anymore, take nest on his head? yes, I did just combine an obscure 90s PBS reference and a withering yet lame insult in the same sentence :) ) would be worthy grounds for elimination on its own, his uneven, lackluster take on "Apologize" was even worse. His falsetto was weak and the shifts to it were awkward, and his tone was shallow and nervous-sounding. Simon's harsh words afterwards that they made the right decision in the first place by leaving him out of the Top 24 was sharp, but somewhat true. Please, America, put both us and Tim out of our misery. We need no more of  this. (Side note: What kind of lemon keeps the fact he made it into the semifinals from his FAMILY? Kind of fun, but mostly just stupid.)
• Joe Munoz (in italics because America...italicized him? :D): Poor Joe. Only 10 seconds of Hollywood Week screentime to his name before he was forced to take the stage for an all-or-nothing performance on Wednesday night, and then what do "Idol" voters do? Give him the ax. His performance of "You and I Both" was pretty good, I thought (so good, I didn't recognize it as a child of the annoying Jason Mraz...I mean, Mrubbish...until the admittedly kind of flat chorus), and Joe displayed a smile that could light up a city, along with an ease for performing that quite a few "Idol" hopefuls this season could take note of. It wasn't completely memorable, as Simon duly pointed out, but it was very solid, and definitely not deserving of the early exit Joe got on Thursday.
• Tyler Grady: His performance of "American Woman" was a bit unwieldy, for sure...the vocals weren't completely on point, and the whole thing was a bit off...but the judges' critiques afterwards just didn't compute. You spend all of Hollywood Week (and most of his audition) raving about Tyler's 70s vibe, not to mention the intro package being all psychedelic, and then you tear him down for that very atmosphere that you praised? I would call that 1-800-Messed Up, especially Kara's bordering-on-vicious comment that he's obsessed with the 70s and must have Jim Morrison posters plastered over his walls. Um, what the crap? Unfortunately, I wasn't wowed with his performance and didn't vote for Tyler (expecting him to sail through into next week anyway). Now the contestant who I gushed about in my Top 24 recap, the one I said "just may be the first 'Idol' male contestant that has my vote from my start," is gone. Ugh.
• Lee DeWyze: It seems that "Idol" always has to have at least one contestant that everybody loves, but I just don't get. Last year it was Adam Lambert and the Screamer Who Must Not Be Named (if you need a reminder as to who that is, let me evoke these painful lines: "Dreeaaam on! Dreeeeam on! [Painful shrieking, sound of cats dying] :) ), and this year, methinks it's Lee DeWyze. His tone is reminiscent of David Cook's and Daughtry's, for sure...after it's been run through a sausage grinder. It's just plain grating. ("Get ret-ty!" OK, I'll stop the horrid Screamer references...) He is to be commended, certainly, for starting off his take on "Chasing Cars" in a very raw fashion...just him playing guitar and singing, and virtually nothing else...but he was pushing way too hard at so many points, and did very little with the song. Sadly, he's one of the judges' ordained front-runners now, but in my minority opinion, I don't mind if he gets an early ouster. (The earlier, the better.) (Side note: Randy, since when does Kings of Leon qualify as a harder-rocking group? Harder than Snow Patrol, sure, but you played with Journey. You should know your rock music a wee bit better than this.)
• John Park: John gets major points for being both a smooth baritone (baritones unite! :) ) and picking a jazz standard ("God Bless The Child," baby!), but unfortunately, both of these excellent elements failed to combine into a good performance. His vibrato was rather all over the place, his tone wasn't completely steady, and he did little to interpret the song. Sure, he didn't have to be a Billie Holiday, but he could have put some semblance of emotion into it (after all, he explained afterwards that the song had special meaning to him). Like Shania said, John has a nice bottom end (his VOICE, people, his VOICE!), and if he gets a heck of a lot more consistent, he can work wonders with that low tone, a low tone that many of the other male contestants certainly do not possess. Otherwise, pretty much the only calls he's going to get after "Idol" will be from Carnival, the Disney Cruise Line, and Mikalah Gordon's cousin's uncle's wedding.
• Michael Lynche: Time for another one of my concise moments. And...go! OK, I like Michael. But his take on "This Love" was unimaginative, flat, and just not consistent enough. And I severely doubt he was playing that guitar that much. It had energy, but it didn't quite cut it. (Kara saying it wasn't "outrageously great" was shockingly right on the nose. Kara getting a critique right? We should treasure this moment.) Michael shall stay in for quite a while, but I hope he steps it up in the process. (If he had done the whole song a la the last line...simmered down dramatically...I had a feeling he would have knocked it out of the park. Tis a shame.)
• Alex Lambert: Well, that last one wasn't very concise, was it? Let's try this again. Alex's nerves certainly got to him here (I doubt a lost puppy in a Disney movie could have had a more scared face than he did during his song), and his performance was little more than a very pale imitation of James Morrison, the very artist Alex was covering. It was boring, plodding, and uncreative. And he stayed instead of Tyler how, exactly?
• Casey James: As much as this still-continuing "ooh! Kara LIKES Casey!" thing is starting to get old, and this is a SINGING competition, I have to admit it made for some pretty unexpectedly funny lines behind the judges' table ("We were both cursed with good looks," Simon drolly quipped). Still, it was distracting, and it kind of bugged a bit. Since they largely failed to talk about Casey's performance (except for a few small breaks from the jokery), I shall...his take on "Heaven" (by Bryan Adams, ehhh)  was good and solid, and I didn't hate Casey's tone half as much as I thought I would, but it wasn't completely there. I recommend Casey goes the David Cook route and changes things up a bit. Because aside from "Idol" to stop playing up the Kara-Casey thing, that just may be exactly what he needs.
• Andrew Garcia: Where was the freaking love???? While the judges (and most of America and my fellow recappers) found Andrew's inventive midtempo cover of "Sugar, We're Going Down" to be disappointing, I personally loved it. Now, that might be because I hate the original (thank the Lord that Fall Out Boy is no more!), and also because I'm a sucker for interesting harmonies and I audibly squealed (no joke) when I heard the chord progression in the chorus, but I thought this was really good. His vocals were smooth and soaring, and it just sounded like a vastly better song. Really, Simon, it was a disappointment? Really, Kara, the risk he took didn't work? Really, with Seth and Amy? (SNL reference...score!) Anyhoo, I hope this country wakes up and notices how amazing this cover was, and until then, I'll keep listening to it frequently on my iPod. Take that, suckers!

The Other People Eliminated: I'm not too sad at all that Ashley's gone...her flat, lifeless performance of a Leona Lewis number was painful to sit through...but I'm somewhat annoyed that America sent Janell a pink slip. True, she was way too overstretched on Heart's "What About Love," and her final Hollywood solo of "Love Story" was subpar, but she really had potential, and the classy way she took her elimination on Thursday (interviews and all) showed that she wasn't a brat. This is one of the few cases where I'm rooting for  an early semifinal castoff to get some semblance of a career after "Idol." Janell certainly deserves it.

And that's a wrap. My schedule this week should be more conducive to "Idol" watching, and for the love of all things Allison (I STILL want to find a video of her results show performance, dang it!), please let the Top 20 performances be much better than the crap we got this week. It was BAD, folks...really bad. And with that, I bid adieu.

Week 4 Results: The Good, The Bad, and The Carter...

Sometimes in our lives...we have pain. We have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know...there's always tomorrow. Or next week. Now that my shamelessly cheesy song quoting is over ("Lean on me!" OK, maybe I lied...), let us press on to the nitty-gritty of the results-show craziness...who got eliminated? Was it shocking? Did I cry? Did Shakira actually wear clothes? The answers to all that, and more...as we proceed:

• The Elimination: Oh darn, I was SO close!!!! Aaron miraculously and delightfully landed in the Bottom 2, and I was almost sure that his obnoxious demeanor, constant whimpering, and general lack of consistent dancing talent had kept him from getting enough votes. Alas, it was not to be (and darn, since he was in the Bottom 2, the votes and drive will pour in next week), and our lovable Iceman, Chuck Liddell, was sent home to his (completely awesome!) kids. Seeing as his two-step last night was the most coherent and comfortable of his 4 dances so far, it was a bit of a premature exit, especially given the presence of Aaron "Brat" Carter in the split-screen with him, but still, we shall survive. (After all, I never voted for old Chuckie.) Now if we only could get Mr. Carter and Ms. Krupa off...THAT would be wonderful.
• The Music: Shakira, Shakira. My opinion on thee is rather mixed. On the one hand, I think you're a colorful character and I like you for that. On the other hand...your songs tend to veer towards the scandalous side. So does your, ahem, dancing. And your voice live? Not so amazing. (Even though, if my little glimpse towards the end of "Hips Don't Lie" was correct, you were pre-recorded.) The good news? She wore much more clothing than I thought she would. Though it would have been wonderful if she had learned about the concept of covering one's back, hips, and arms beforehand. (I'm still holding out for modesty, folks!) Her first song, "Did It Again, " was OK...the Japanese (or Chinese?) drummers were uber-cool, and Shakira herself joining in the intense percussive-ness at the end was very awesome. That said, the song kind of sucked. A lot. The second number, the aforementioned "Hips Don't Lie" (which, by the way, is obvious...hips can't talk! even Shakira's bare ones...), was just as eh, with a weak vocal and awkward rapping by...was that Wyclef Jean? I don't think it was, because they would have mentioned him...anyways, whoever it was, hampering the song's catchiness and fire. (There is not too much of that, though, in the first place...I've never really liked that song...) And the dancing...well, let's just say I won't make my requisite "They should be in the next season!" comment this week, because with Joanna's skankified nonsense this season, I don't think I can take another naughtiness-baiting contestant in the future. (I mean, is it even possible for Shakira to be modest? And that, combined with the prone-to-bare skin costume designers, could create mass inappropriate content. Bleh.)
• The Rest: Candidate for results show segment of the season, right here...the adorable, hilarious, heartwarming interviews with the offspring of Melissa, Mark D., Chuck, and Michael. (Poor 7 other cast members. They have no cute kids to show off.) It was fun, charming, and not too cheesy and/or overdone. It was like a trip back in time to the days of Bill Cosby and the beloved "Kids Say The Darndest Things." Except with just the kids. And the fun. "Vote for my mommy!" Don't worry, Mason Hart...or whatever your last name is, I don't remember...I will! As for the other segment...it was pretty much the opposite. Very depressing and overly dramatic. Of course, only the DWTS producers (did they get an editing lesson from Fox, the king of the splicing together of drama?) would combine all the rehearsal flare-ups and shouting matches into one convenient little package. Bleh. It was not fun. (Well, at least not until Mark shot Nerf darts at the camera. Then it was a little fun.) The pro dancing performance was spicy, and not terribly awkward (Edyta covered her belly! Call the papers!), and I found it interesting how Cheryl and Karina switched partners, while good ol' Alec got to keep his wife to himself. What else happened? Oh, Tom's hosting never fails to charm me. "In the order we like to call no particular..." was pretty much the best improvised line ever. At least, I hope it was improvised. Even if it wasn't, it was still classic. :)

And so we bid farewell to Chuck, as he lassos (really, spell-check? that's how you spell it?) into the DWTS sunset. And we cry (ha ha...) over the fact that the tearful, bratty Mr. Carter still remains. And of course, as always, we'll be back for another week of dancing, recapping, and other antics! See you next week, and cheese out.

Week 3 Results: It Takes Two

Surprise! Tonight, not one couple left, but TWO! But why? And how? And...when? Well, you know when. And I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. Not that it's that suspenseful anyway...especially if you see the previous post...

• The Eliminations (notice the s): Well, Entertainment Weekly, E! Online, and People.com were correct. Tom DeLay did indeed bow out of the competition tonight--gracefully, of course. It's always sad when a competitor has to withdraw early (example: Misty May-Treanor two seasons ago. BRING HER BACK, you fiends!!!), even if, as in Tom's case, said competitor was not abundantly amazing at dancing. But "The Hammer"--I might as well call him that, Tom Bergeron does it enough--had a heck of a lot of heart, and his dances were always interesting to watch. (And not in a Cloris Leachman-y kind of way.) And he was in the bloomin' House of Representatives! Where else can you get a politician dancing to "Wild Thing" and "Why Can't We Be Friends?" Nowhere, that's where. So I will miss Mr. DeLay, and I hope they follow through on their promise to bring him back for the finale for a final Texas Two-Step, unlike their broken promise to Misty to let her dance her jive eventually. Once again I say: BRING HER BACK! As for the actual elimination, Debi was fiery, determined, and gave Maks' advanced stage of crankiness a run for its money. She had potential...actual potential, not like "oh, you have potential...to suck!" potential, and she was fun to watch. Well, unless her costume was missing a midriff, like last night. (It's not that much more fabric! Don't follow Edyta's scandalous example, folks!) That aside, it's not a fun thing to say goodbye to Debi, but there are quite a few other excellent and/or rapidly developing dancers to love. We'll miss you, lady who said she has monkey arms! :)
• The Music: Queen Latifah is amazing. That said...she should stick to singing. At least when performing live, as her new single ("Fast Car," it was called...I was hoping for a cover of the haunting Tracy Chapman number, but alas, I was not in luck) was a bit ungainly. The best part, of course, was when she sang. The rapping was just...it didn't fit her. I think of her as a classy, unique lady. And when she raps, it just doesn't work. Maybe it sounds better on record...though judging from the 30-second clips I methodically listened to from her new album, back when it came out, probably not. Her second number..."Ease On Down The Road" (which according to my later research, is from "The Wiz"), was much, MUCH better. She had a fire in her vocals, even if she didn't engage in too much riffing, and she danced! (Season 10 contestant? Ch-yes!) The routine was just a delightful spectacle of music and dance--it even got the audience, including Christian Slater and...oh, I have "Forgotten" her name... (fitting, huh?) from the show right after "DWTS," called, you guessed it, "The Forgotten." (It looks painfully by-the-numbers, BTW.) And the Harold Wheeler band was hot! (Well, they pretty much always are. Even the budget singers...on occasion...) So the vibrant Ms. Latifah is one for two. Fair enough.
•  The Rest: Aaron and Joanna were in jeopardy! Hallelujah! Whether that means they actually received a dismal amount of viewer votes or not, or was just a shameless tease, I don't know, but the possibility of their elimination put great joy in my heart. Alas, Mel B did not win America's ultimate favor in the "Design-a-Dance" contest. But guess who did? My favorite dancer I never voted for, Sabrina Bryan! I was a jerk in Season 5, and was all for Marie (and the aforementioned Miss Melanie Brown, of course!!!) rather than the clearly superior Cheetah Girl Sabrina. I had a random, kind of unfounded gripe with her personality. I changed my tune when Ms. Bryan and Mark came back to do a results-night dance...and looked like two perfectly matching professionals! It boggled my mind and I apologize for thinking the (charming and hilarious, but not perfect as a dancer) woman who brought us the horror that was the Doll dance (shudder, shudder) was better than one of the best dancers ever to grace the "DWTS" floor. This doesn't mean I don't like Marie...I still do...but this does mean I'm abundantly glad to have Sabrina be the pick. At least it wasn't Helio...ugh. What else? Chuck and Anna as the encore dance? I don't know what you find entertaining, Mr. Goodman, but the Iceman's "samba" was not so for me. And watching it again...it was still pretty eh. (At least I can watch Mya's rrrumba over and over again on YouTube. I don't need your stinking encore. :) ) JabbawockeeZ was (were?) pretty darn sweet. And even though having Mark B. and Lacey as the ballyhooed "special guests" might have been an anticlimax, they sure know how to keep up with the WockeeZ. There was the typical "celebrities talk about each other" segment that was nice to watch, and the bit at the end where the Woz, Matthew Berry (some guy on ESPN I've vaguely heard of), and...a toddler, no joke...predicted the winner was chuckle-inducing. It was nice to see Steve (what they call The Woz in the real world) again, as his unbridled love for all things mathematical is pretty darn charming. (This is coming from a person who hates math, too.)

The results are in! The voters have spoken. The two departed couples have danced their last dance. Will they actually eliminate someone next week? Who knows? They might just make one of the double eliminations coming up a single, or they might give a free pass to the lowest-scoring dancer for Week 4 instead. You can never tell what those crazy producers will do. As for now, tune in next week for another exciting...recap! Cheese out!