Week 4 Results: The Good, The Bad, and The Carter...

Sometimes in our lives...we have pain. We have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know...there's always tomorrow. Or next week. Now that my shamelessly cheesy song quoting is over ("Lean on me!" OK, maybe I lied...), let us press on to the nitty-gritty of the results-show craziness...who got eliminated? Was it shocking? Did I cry? Did Shakira actually wear clothes? The answers to all that, and more...as we proceed:

• The Elimination: Oh darn, I was SO close!!!! Aaron miraculously and delightfully landed in the Bottom 2, and I was almost sure that his obnoxious demeanor, constant whimpering, and general lack of consistent dancing talent had kept him from getting enough votes. Alas, it was not to be (and darn, since he was in the Bottom 2, the votes and drive will pour in next week), and our lovable Iceman, Chuck Liddell, was sent home to his (completely awesome!) kids. Seeing as his two-step last night was the most coherent and comfortable of his 4 dances so far, it was a bit of a premature exit, especially given the presence of Aaron "Brat" Carter in the split-screen with him, but still, we shall survive. (After all, I never voted for old Chuckie.) Now if we only could get Mr. Carter and Ms. Krupa off...THAT would be wonderful.
• The Music: Shakira, Shakira. My opinion on thee is rather mixed. On the one hand, I think you're a colorful character and I like you for that. On the other hand...your songs tend to veer towards the scandalous side. So does your, ahem, dancing. And your voice live? Not so amazing. (Even though, if my little glimpse towards the end of "Hips Don't Lie" was correct, you were pre-recorded.) The good news? She wore much more clothing than I thought she would. Though it would have been wonderful if she had learned about the concept of covering one's back, hips, and arms beforehand. (I'm still holding out for modesty, folks!) Her first song, "Did It Again, " was OK...the Japanese (or Chinese?) drummers were uber-cool, and Shakira herself joining in the intense percussive-ness at the end was very awesome. That said, the song kind of sucked. A lot. The second number, the aforementioned "Hips Don't Lie" (which, by the way, is obvious...hips can't talk! even Shakira's bare ones...), was just as eh, with a weak vocal and awkward rapping by...was that Wyclef Jean? I don't think it was, because they would have mentioned him...anyways, whoever it was, hampering the song's catchiness and fire. (There is not too much of that, though, in the first place...I've never really liked that song...) And the dancing...well, let's just say I won't make my requisite "They should be in the next season!" comment this week, because with Joanna's skankified nonsense this season, I don't think I can take another naughtiness-baiting contestant in the future. (I mean, is it even possible for Shakira to be modest? And that, combined with the prone-to-bare skin costume designers, could create mass inappropriate content. Bleh.)
• The Rest: Candidate for results show segment of the season, right here...the adorable, hilarious, heartwarming interviews with the offspring of Melissa, Mark D., Chuck, and Michael. (Poor 7 other cast members. They have no cute kids to show off.) It was fun, charming, and not too cheesy and/or overdone. It was like a trip back in time to the days of Bill Cosby and the beloved "Kids Say The Darndest Things." Except with just the kids. And the fun. "Vote for my mommy!" Don't worry, Mason Hart...or whatever your last name is, I don't remember...I will! As for the other segment...it was pretty much the opposite. Very depressing and overly dramatic. Of course, only the DWTS producers (did they get an editing lesson from Fox, the king of the splicing together of drama?) would combine all the rehearsal flare-ups and shouting matches into one convenient little package. Bleh. It was not fun. (Well, at least not until Mark shot Nerf darts at the camera. Then it was a little fun.) The pro dancing performance was spicy, and not terribly awkward (Edyta covered her belly! Call the papers!), and I found it interesting how Cheryl and Karina switched partners, while good ol' Alec got to keep his wife to himself. What else happened? Oh, Tom's hosting never fails to charm me. "In the order we like to call no particular..." was pretty much the best improvised line ever. At least, I hope it was improvised. Even if it wasn't, it was still classic. :)

And so we bid farewell to Chuck, as he lassos (really, spell-check? that's how you spell it?) into the DWTS sunset. And we cry (ha ha...) over the fact that the tearful, bratty Mr. Carter still remains. And of course, as always, we'll be back for another week of dancing, recapping, and other antics! See you next week, and cheese out.