Week 3 Results: It Takes Two

Surprise! Tonight, not one couple left, but TWO! But why? And how? And...when? Well, you know when. And I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. Not that it's that suspenseful anyway...especially if you see the previous post...

• The Eliminations (notice the s): Well, Entertainment Weekly, E! Online, and People.com were correct. Tom DeLay did indeed bow out of the competition tonight--gracefully, of course. It's always sad when a competitor has to withdraw early (example: Misty May-Treanor two seasons ago. BRING HER BACK, you fiends!!!), even if, as in Tom's case, said competitor was not abundantly amazing at dancing. But "The Hammer"--I might as well call him that, Tom Bergeron does it enough--had a heck of a lot of heart, and his dances were always interesting to watch. (And not in a Cloris Leachman-y kind of way.) And he was in the bloomin' House of Representatives! Where else can you get a politician dancing to "Wild Thing" and "Why Can't We Be Friends?" Nowhere, that's where. So I will miss Mr. DeLay, and I hope they follow through on their promise to bring him back for the finale for a final Texas Two-Step, unlike their broken promise to Misty to let her dance her jive eventually. Once again I say: BRING HER BACK! As for the actual elimination, Debi was fiery, determined, and gave Maks' advanced stage of crankiness a run for its money. She had potential...actual potential, not like "oh, you have potential...to suck!" potential, and she was fun to watch. Well, unless her costume was missing a midriff, like last night. (It's not that much more fabric! Don't follow Edyta's scandalous example, folks!) That aside, it's not a fun thing to say goodbye to Debi, but there are quite a few other excellent and/or rapidly developing dancers to love. We'll miss you, lady who said she has monkey arms! :)
• The Music: Queen Latifah is amazing. That said...she should stick to singing. At least when performing live, as her new single ("Fast Car," it was called...I was hoping for a cover of the haunting Tracy Chapman number, but alas, I was not in luck) was a bit ungainly. The best part, of course, was when she sang. The rapping was just...it didn't fit her. I think of her as a classy, unique lady. And when she raps, it just doesn't work. Maybe it sounds better on record...though judging from the 30-second clips I methodically listened to from her new album, back when it came out, probably not. Her second number..."Ease On Down The Road" (which according to my later research, is from "The Wiz"), was much, MUCH better. She had a fire in her vocals, even if she didn't engage in too much riffing, and she danced! (Season 10 contestant? Ch-yes!) The routine was just a delightful spectacle of music and dance--it even got the audience, including Christian Slater and...oh, I have "Forgotten" her name... (fitting, huh?) from the show right after "DWTS," called, you guessed it, "The Forgotten." (It looks painfully by-the-numbers, BTW.) And the Harold Wheeler band was hot! (Well, they pretty much always are. Even the budget singers...on occasion...) So the vibrant Ms. Latifah is one for two. Fair enough.
•  The Rest: Aaron and Joanna were in jeopardy! Hallelujah! Whether that means they actually received a dismal amount of viewer votes or not, or was just a shameless tease, I don't know, but the possibility of their elimination put great joy in my heart. Alas, Mel B did not win America's ultimate favor in the "Design-a-Dance" contest. But guess who did? My favorite dancer I never voted for, Sabrina Bryan! I was a jerk in Season 5, and was all for Marie (and the aforementioned Miss Melanie Brown, of course!!!) rather than the clearly superior Cheetah Girl Sabrina. I had a random, kind of unfounded gripe with her personality. I changed my tune when Ms. Bryan and Mark came back to do a results-night dance...and looked like two perfectly matching professionals! It boggled my mind and I apologize for thinking the (charming and hilarious, but not perfect as a dancer) woman who brought us the horror that was the Doll dance (shudder, shudder) was better than one of the best dancers ever to grace the "DWTS" floor. This doesn't mean I don't like Marie...I still do...but this does mean I'm abundantly glad to have Sabrina be the pick. At least it wasn't Helio...ugh. What else? Chuck and Anna as the encore dance? I don't know what you find entertaining, Mr. Goodman, but the Iceman's "samba" was not so for me. And watching it again...it was still pretty eh. (At least I can watch Mya's rrrumba over and over again on YouTube. I don't need your stinking encore. :) ) JabbawockeeZ was (were?) pretty darn sweet. And even though having Mark B. and Lacey as the ballyhooed "special guests" might have been an anticlimax, they sure know how to keep up with the WockeeZ. There was the typical "celebrities talk about each other" segment that was nice to watch, and the bit at the end where the Woz, Matthew Berry (some guy on ESPN I've vaguely heard of), and...a toddler, no joke...predicted the winner was chuckle-inducing. It was nice to see Steve (what they call The Woz in the real world) again, as his unbridled love for all things mathematical is pretty darn charming. (This is coming from a person who hates math, too.)

The results are in! The voters have spoken. The two departed couples have danced their last dance. Will they actually eliminate someone next week? Who knows? They might just make one of the double eliminations coming up a single, or they might give a free pass to the lowest-scoring dancer for Week 4 instead. You can never tell what those crazy producers will do. As for now, tune in next week for another exciting...recap! Cheese out!