DWTS Week 1 Results: Dropping A Bomb

Finally! After season after season of voting off perfectly nice/fun/interesting/good people first (except for season 8, where 'comedian' Jeffrey Ross quite deservedly got the first boot) on "DWTS," America was rather merciful and swift last night in their voting, and one of my least favorite dancers last night was sent home. Who was it? Well, you can probably guess from the title...and y'know, the billions of spoilers now swimming around the Internet...anyhow, but we shall discuss below. Discussion beginning...now. :)

• The Elimination: In my recap last night, I minced no words (I hope?) when it came to my dislike of David Hasselhoff and his cha cha cha (sort of) to "Sex Bomb." So as you can probably guess, I was rather happy to see him go home tonight. Although I audibly expressed anger at The Situation being announced as safe for next week (if only it was a double elimination week...sigh...), at least my fellow DWTS voters had the sense to spare the viewing public any more misery, and send "The Hoff" packing. His dance wasn't good, I didn't see much potential, and had he stayed for a few more weeks, David would have probably been limping through the competition, more as a figurehead rather than an actual contender. He just wasn't good. I didn't like him. Sorry for all of you that do think he's the tops. I'm not one of them, and I don't think I'll ever be...but that's just me. A few random side notes: I was delighted to see some shaky (but excellent) prospects like Bristol, Margaret, and Audrina advance to next week (as I've told you, I'm an unexpectedly growing Bristol fan; Margaret has huge potential, and she's hilarious and charming; and Audrina gave a respectable performance on Monday, so I was glad to see that she beat the Shannen Doherty/Josie Maran/Paulina Porizkova/Trista Sutter Memorial Girl Who Isn't Very Well-Known, Doesn't Stand Out, or People Kind of Don't Like For Some Reason Gets Knocked Out First, Regrettably Curse! :) ) Also, David's first-week exit (according to my research) brings "DWTS" closer to once again balancing out the gender count for first eliminations of the show's 11 seasons. (Counting first weeks with double eliminations, 7 women have gone home first, while 6 men have.)
• The Music: Well, I was pleasantly surprised in this department. Hearing Tom & Brooke announce yesterday that Santana and Daughtry were the main musical guests caused me to not expect much from tonight's musical performances. (They did mention India.Arie too, so I was excited for that part. She's terrific!) Thankfully, I was wrong, and both singularly named acts started the season off strong with, as follows: a spicy version of "Oye Como Va" (a Santana standard that I had forgotten about until they used it to kick off the show); a serviceable performance of "September" by Daughtry (as was true on "AI" a few months, and also seasons, ago, his live voice is impressive); a beautiful Santana duet with India.Arie of the Beatles' standard "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"; and a surprisingly amazing take on "Photograph" by Def Leppard (I have to admit I had no clue which band this was a cover of until afterwards; my dad's a big fan of Def Leppard, but I'm certainly not) by Daughtry & Santana. I really liked the backstage-style intro with the pros at the beginning, and it really adds a lot of energy to the results-show broadcast by starting straight off with a fiery number. India.Arie's gorgeous pipes on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" were terrific as always (I want that studio version now), and Daughtry was rocking "Photograph" like there was no tomorrow. (He moves farther and farther away from his 4th place "Idol" finish and closer and closer to legend status every time I see him perform, even if I don't particularly care for his band's music.) And the huge lighted stage set-up was interesting, and provided for an interesting dynamic that made the performances feel fresh. (Though I'm sure the main stage where the Harold Wheeler Band usually performs on dance nights felt lonely. :) ) All in all...the producers are going to have a hard time topping this. (But please do try. Some jazz vocalists would be a great start. :) )
• The Rest: He's been adding color commentary to results-show nights for quite a few seasons (along with Jimmy Kimmel, who I hope is back, believe it or not), and I have to admit tonight's segment was a bit less laugh-out-loud funny than previous years, but I still (sort of) get a kick out of Adam Carolla's wacky "DWTS" antics. The bit where Len invented a dance (I forget which) was the highlight. Tom also got in a witty line of his own...he told The Situation and David that "We'll inform you of your fates later," then quipped, "We've got an hour to fill." Leave it to Tom to gently jab the results-show concept and make it funny and charming...as I noted on Twitter, why doesn't he have an Emmy yet?? (Same with Cat Deeley. I'm not a regular SYTYCD viewer by any means, but even I can tell that she's one of the best hosts ever. Quick on her feet, invested in the contestants, and British!! OK, "Cat and Tom should have Emmys" rant complete. :) ) And finally, I had no idea Louis van Amstel had a ponytail in Season 1. (This bit of info was shown in a picture of him & Trista as the first couple eliminated in U.S. "DWTS" history.) The things I missed that random first season! Dang... :)

And that's all I have to say about the results show tonight. I think. (You'll notice I kinda wrote a bit more than I usually do about these things. Probably because this was the first results show in a long time that I was able to sit down and watch in its entirety. Thank goodness it was a good one! :) ) Here's one last farewell to the Hoff, and see y'all next week for another dancing recap. For now...viva la DWTS!

DWTS Week 1, Part 2: Mama Told Me (Not To Come)

Well, I already did all my "welcome this recap! Brandon is now going to ramble a bit aimlessly for his intro" stuff in Part I, so let's dive right in to Part II. Vamos!

• Bristol & Mark (18/30, cha cha cha): Sit down children, and let me tell you a story.* Once upon a time, there was a quirky Alaskan governor named Sarah Palin, and John McCain picked her as his running mate. I was a big Obama/Biden fan at the time (still am, but that's another story), but I thought she was cool, and excited about her being the VP pick. Then as time went on...I wasn't. More time went on...it got worse. And now, I really can't stand her, to be frank. The end. But wait...there's another chapter to the story. A surprising chapter that came out of nowhere. I'm not quite sure exactly why, but I like Bristol Palin, and I voted for her 6 times (3 by phone, 3 online) tonight. I kid you not. (And I had seen her try to act, and fail miserably, in "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." If you want to watch the amusing/gruesome footage of that, check out the link in one of my "let's meet the cast" posts.) Her dance wasn't incredibly great, but it wasn't horrible to watch, and Bristol definitely wasn't as stiff and lifeless as Kate Gosselin was I thought she might be. (Sorry about that crossed-out portion. I forgot we agreed never to speak of the ____ in "____ Plus 8" again. :) ) There's a certain charm about her...she's shy, but nice, and seems to get along well with Mark in rehearsal...that cuts through all of the confusion at why she was picked for "Dancing With The Stars" when she's not a star in the first place, all of the increasingly hostile feelings I may have about her mother. She has potential as a dancer. I identify with her being shy and not entirely comfortable with loosening up (those have both been longtime faults of mine). So sue me. I think I'm becoming a fan of Bristol Palin (sort of) on "DWTS."
• Florence & Corky (18/30, cha cha cha): Much like the entire premiere in general tonight, I'm quite perplexed as to what my thoughts are with Florence and her...ahem, interesting first dance. I was a big Cloris fan back in season 7 (I still think the woman is hilarious, but I'll still never get what possessed me to vote so many times for her that season), but in a surprise to myself, I'm not quite there yet with Florence...the dance was kind of all over the place. Some of the steps were off, some of the humor didn't work (remember when I said Corky wasn't as creeper-y as people made him out to be? I think I've changed my mind now...what the heck happened to his voice? And he still has a fixation on naughty choreography...), and it wasn't quite all there. That said, Florence is charming and unpredictable (that whole bra-flashing thing before one of the breaks was out of nowhere, and my mouth stayed open in shock for about 20 seconds, but it also made me laugh), and I'd be quite glad for her to stay in the competition at least a few more weeks.
• Michael & Chelsie (16/30, Viennese waltz): I'm still not sold on the 36-year age gap between Mr. Bolton & Chelsie, and tonight's pretty lame dance did them no favors. Chelsie was terrific--both in outfit choice (she's wearing clothes! And they cover her body!) and dancing--but Michael was not. He was stiff, boring, and a bit clumsy. I found myself inadvertently focusing on Chelsie mid-dance...and when I tried to switch back to watching Michael, I found my eyes drifting back to Chelsie again. He's just not an engaging dance presence, and I have a feeling that's going to really hurt him in the long run. He's probably going to be benefited this week by both a promising female fanbase (remember the crazed fans in "Music & Lyrics"? I have a feeling those same types of fans will be dialing through the roof for him...) and being close to last in the broadcast, but I doubt he'll last much longer unless he really shapes up technique and personality-wise. Still, even if he ends up departing quickly (I kind of hope he does), he'll always have his hair. (Those first two pictures they showed of him in his rehearsal package intro were wild. :) )
• Mike ("The Situation") & Karina (15/30, cha cha cha): Seeing as he was largely absent from 99% of the pre-season promo materials because he was wrapping up season 3 of "Jersey Shore," I waited until tonight to make a verdict on Mr. Sorrentino (AKA, of course, "The Situation") purely based on the fact that I had no clue how he acted on camera (save from media accounts), and thus wanted to give him a fair shake. I did. About 30 seconds to a minute into his rehearsal footage...he was already getting on my nerves. The press is right about him...he's cocky, abrasive, and I'm pretty sure he was at least somewhat drunk in part of his rehearsal footage. I know he had only 5 days to practice, but his dance was pretty much a trainwreck--it didn't click together at all, and was pretty dang painful to watch. Might America be merciful and let us only have to suffer through one dance by "The Situation"? These are the same people that let both Kathy Ireland & the lady who we have agreed not to speak of (see Bristol's section for clarification if needed) last for much longer than they needed to, but they also were the same people that had the sense to give the annoying Jake Pavelka last season a fairly early exit. And Karina has never been a well-liked pro, so he doesn't have that going for him. So I'm staying positive. :)
• Jennifer & Derek (24/30, Viennese waltz): It's probably the fact that I've never seen "Dirty Dancing" and thus don't have the fond, fond memories of it that have been running around for 20+ years in the minds of those who were children of the 80s. But I wasn't that impressed with Jennifer Grey's first dance...it was nice, it was somewhat inspiring, but I wasn't quite sold on it. Jennifer seemed kind of awkward and disjointed tonight--there were absolutely beautiful lines there, but also quite a few bad transitions as well. And her crying in rehearsal about the late Patrick Swayze was heartbreaking, but also a little foreboding...I feel really, really sorry for her (how hard would it be to to a dancing show just a year or two after the tragic, early death of the person who you starred with years ago in a movie about the same subject??), but crying every week in rehearsal doesn't usually end well ("DWTS" voters get frustrated, it becomes less fun to watch, it makes you look like a drama queen even when you're perfectly nice and wonderful, like Jennifer is). I'm looking forward to next week, though. Len said, "let's see you jive next week." I agree...an excellent performance next week could turn me from semi-doubter to semi-fan. You never know just how "DWTS" will surprise.
• David & Kym (15/30, cha cha cha): Kym asked (somewhat rhetorically) in the post-dance interview, "Who doesn't love the Hoff?" As I answered back in my live tweeting during the show..."I don't, that's who." I simply do not get why people think he's cool, fun, or appealing in any way, shape, or form. He's aged the opposite of gracefully. He still insists on making a point of keeping his cheesy 80s/90s TV work a major selling point of his career today. Kym may have had the same kind of partner in season 9 (Donny Osmond, a sort-of washed up 80s/90s heartthrob seen as cheesy), but Donny actually could dance somewhat well. David, on the other hand...nope. It was really uncomfortable to watch. He doesn't move well, Kym is a good teacher and choreographer but not an amazing one, and thus even she couldn't keep it from turning into one big trainwreck. David went last, and like I said above, lots of people seem to like him. So if he goes home tomorrow night, it will be quite a shocker...but, quite frankly, it will be a shocker that makes me very, very happy.

And that's the premiere of season 11. I'll be back tomorrow night with my take on the results, but for now, here are my traditional groupings of the dancers so far:

They Did Great, And I Like 'Em: Brandy, Kurt, Rick (surprisingly, but no votes yet), and Audrina (sort of, I didn't end up voting for her either)

They Didn't Do So Well, But I'm Still A Fan: Margaret, Bristol (still don't know why)

Nice Dancing, But I Don't Really Like You Yet: Kyle, Jennifer, Florence

Please Go, You're No Good: David, Michael, "The Situation"

See you tomorrow for my results recap (which will hopefully be fairly on time). For now...viva la DWTS! :)

(*Typing this line reminded me of an obscure "Arthur" line I'd like to share with y'all, where he was trying to write poetry based on "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere": "Listen my children, and I will tell you/About a duck and a chicken, on a bus to Oklahomu! Ewwww..." :D)

DWTS Week 1, Part 1: Crazy

And here we are. "Dancing With The Stars" is back for its 11th season. Tonight's premiere was...OK, to be frank, I'm still not quite sure what to think of it. But as I've learned through watching "DWTS" ever since season 2 (me and my family missed its inaugural season completely), first impressions can be quite off. So even if this was a somewhat underwhelming first night, I'm pretty confident the season can get better...as I wrote in my parting live tweet after the show, "There's still lots of dancing to come. So nowhere to go but up..." And with that, let's waltz into recapping the DWTS premiere...

• Audrina & Tony (19/30, cha cha cha): Not being a viewer of "The Hills," I wasn't very familiar with Audrina before tonight (knew the name, barely knew the face, but that's basically where my knowledge ends), and wasn't expecting much. She exceeded my expectations with a respectable cha cha cha...not too dirty, not too stiff, and not too boring. It was nice, fun, and she showed some potential. In addition, her personality was pleasant (though a bit boring, which could be a liability in the long run). That said...she was first out of the gate. I can't imagine her having many built-in fans. And she received pretty good, but not amazing scores. As we learned from the sad case of Shannen Doherty last season (and other first-week eliminations strewn across "DWTS" history), these qualities can easily add up to an early exit. Audrina's days might be numbered, but I hope they're not. I kind of like her (even though I didn't vote for her), and I think the best is yet to come in terms of her dancing.
• Kurt & Anna (19/30, Viennese waltz): The likable Audrina was followed by the even more likable Kurt Warner, a former Cardinals (yeah, Cardinals!!!!) player who turned in a just as respectable show on the dance floor. Given the fact that he's a bit more interesting personality-wise (a large, cute family helps :) ), and that his long football career (he helped the Cards reach the Super Bowl in '08! Sorry, but as you can tell, can't help my inner Cardinals fanboy from popping out...) gives him a pretty large fanbase from the beginning, he's probably going to stay a while no matter how well he dances going forward. So it's good that he gave a promising start, and with the always-dependable Anna as a partner, he could really grow and improve as the season progresses.
• Kyle & Lacey (23/30, cha cha cha): The artist formerly known as Cory Baxter has never been a favorite of mine, so bear that in mind whenever I type about him, but...I wasn't completely a fan of his and Lacey's cha cha cha tonight, or his personality (but then again, that's something I've never really cared for). He danced well, but Lacey's choreography seemed to rely a bit more on sex than it should have, and seeing as Kyle's 19 (and looks a bit younger), that didn't quite sit well with me as a viewer. And maybe it's my inner Len speaking out, but the opening with the locker was incredibly pointless. Still, Kyle seems to be yet another celebrity to form an easy partnership with the adventurous Lacey (her line asking him if he was staring at her cleavage during rehearsal had me laughing profusely), and there could be worse people to go far in the competition (cough cough, Situation and the Hoff...I'll get to you both later...). And I bet all the people who were going "Who the heck is Kyle Massey?" pre-season are probably totally bowled over that he's suddenly become a favorite, which should make things interesting. :)
• Rick & Cheryl (22/30, Viennese waltz): As you probably were able to gather if you read my pre-season "let's meet the cast" posts, I wasn't too excited about Rick Fox. I'd never heard of him, he looked like the kind of dancer who would rely on looks rather than talent (which is pretty much 80% of the show's past male contestant population, sigh...), and I don't know, I just didn't really care for him upon first impression. After viewing the rehearsal footage and seeing how dang tall he is, my expectations stayed pretty low...and then I saw his Viennese waltz, and I was in for quite a surprise. Against all odds, I really liked it. He was incredibly graceful, not just for someone approaching 7 feet tall, but for someone dancing in general, and the dance was just classy and nice to watch. I'm not quite elevated to "fan" territory yet, but count Rick as probably giving the best first impression both personality and talent-wise (in my eyes) of the male dancers this season.
• Margaret & Louis (15/30, Viennese waltz): As is often the case with me and the resident comedians of "DWTS," I really like Margaret. She's fun, the family atmosphere of "DWTS" enables us to watch a slightly toned-down version of her humor (the same was the case with Kathy Griffin on "Celebrity Mole: Hawaii" years ago...I loved her on that show, but I generally veer away from whatever she's done after it, because her raunchy humor really isn't my cup of tea), and the sentiments she expressed during rehearsal that she wanted to feel beautiful and accepted were really sweet. All this means...dang it about her dance, and her score. The first quarter of it started off great--and then it veered into uneasy comedy territory, and by the time she had gotten tangled up in her cape and then intentionally made a few stumbles, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. The problem was rather Louis choreographing more around her comedic persona than the dancing skill she probably is able to demonstrate (he did this a lot with Niecy last season, admittedly in a more effective way). He played for laughs rather than for the "she really CAN dance!" factor, and thus the scores suffered. I hope Margaret doesn't get knocked off early tomorrow, and that the genuine charm she showed in her rehearsal footage and (most of) her dance is enough to carry her into next week. If so, she and Louis better bring their A-game next week. If not, then this season might be a little less fun to watch.
• Brandy & Maks (23/30, Viennese waltz): And here's one of the best dances of the night. It wasn't exactly Nicole-last-season-first-dance good (I eventually made my peace with Nicole last season, was glad she won, and in retrospect see her as an incredibly good dancer), or Kristi-in-season-6-holy-crap-she's-going-to-win-this-whole-thing-ain't-she-first-dance good (:D), but it was classy, elegant, and the lines were beautiful. Brandy (who, as I have previously stated, have fond memories of from the excellent 1997 Wonderful World of Disney production of "Cinderella") also showed much more interesting of a personality than I thought she would have in rehearsal footage, becoming a brilliant foil to Maks (who amusingly and strangely proclaimed he would be more of a softie this season, then proceeded to sort of abandon this) by being tough on herself, and pushing him to push her and work her hard. They're fun to watch (I think Denise Richards has been the only person that's NOT been fun to watch with Maks), it's the makings of a great partnership, and I think Brandy is bound to go far in this competition, much like that other singularly-named 90s singer back in season 9 (cough cough, Mya, cough cough). (You know me and my comparisons. I can't help but make 'em.)

That's all for Part I (Part II coming up hopefully right after this one, but it might be delayed until tomorrow morning in a worst-case scenario). See you in a bit for the next 6 dancers' recap (here's a teaser: I actually like Bristol Palin, and I don't know why!), and for now, viva la DWTS! :)

DWTS: Let's Meet The Cast of Season 11 (Part II)

"How Am I Supposed To Live Without You"! THAT's the song Michael Bolton is famous for. And I'm back! Let's cut right to the chase and talk about the other half of this season's cast of...Bailando con las Estrellas! (Si, I just went Spanglish on you. :) )

• Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer: Producers have done a much better job here of pairing a young pro with a young celebrity (I did the research, and according to Wikipedia, Kyle's 19, and dear old Lacey's 22)...but really? Kyle Massey? Kudos to the producers (again) for actually managing to keep his name under wraps (the former Mr. Cory Baxter was nowhere near any of the casting rumors that actually ended up being pretty accurate this season), but...I've never really liked Kyle since he started growing up on "That's So Raven." He's kind of stilted and annoying, and he's really starred in too many ghastly projects (Life Is Ruff, Cory In The House, that one or two 'songs' he 'sang') for me to change my mind. Oh well...at least he might be good at dancing, given the fact that he's not even reached his 20s. (He's only a year older than I am! Then again, so was Shawn Johnson during her season. Still...I feel like I'm growing up...) And also, he's paired with Lacey, who is fun and a fairly good teacher, from what I've seen in the past.
• Brandy & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (that name never fails to give me grief...): Yeah, that's probably the very last time I'm going to type Maks' full name...ever. You know who he is. Do the math. :) Anyways...Brandy's always been one of those stars who is...nice. Fairly talented. Pretty. But...kind of boring and not terribly popular. Still, I have fond memories of Ms. Norwood in the Wonderful World of Disney version of "Cinderella" back in '97 (speaking of that, I should get it on DVD...), and remember Mya? She fit kind of the same bill...nice, fairly talented, and attractive, but also a bit low-key at first...and ended up being absolutely terrific. So I have fairly high hopes for Brandy. But if she ends up being disappointing as a dancer...meh. I'll survive. (She better bring her A-game, though, to be able to handle the fury of Maks.)
• Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas: Bristol. Oh, Bristol...I don't know what to think of you. You seem charming and ready to get down to work. But also...all you're known for, pretty much, is being the spawn of a witc I mean, daughter of Sarah Palin. Well, that, and your painfully robotic acting debut on "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." (And when you can tell you're robotic on that show, you know you've got acting problems. It was even worse than me, and I consider myself the worst actor ever. :) ) Anyways...I still have ghastly memories of the last reality star known for little more than existing that "DWTS" brought to the table (cough cough, Kate Gosselin, let us never speak of her again, cough cough), who was so bad that even the Emmys made fun of her. Heck, Kate even made fun of herself. But...I'm staying optimistic about Bristol. The fact that she's proclaimed she's going to be aiming for modesty in her costuming is a plus. (Yes, I know DWTS is the last place you're going to find modesty. But every little bit of it helps, folks.) Despite my increasingly hostile feelings about her mother, I think if Bristol actually can dance, this might actually be fun. (Might.)
• Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani: While I had heard Audrina's name bandied about a bit in the pop culture arena before they announced her as part of the cast, I have to admit...all I know is that she was on "The Hills." And did stuff. And seems to look slightly different every time I see her. Last season, we had to "Save Tony" from the evil clutches of the horrible partner I just mentioned in the previous section in a cough, and who we agreed never to speak of again. This season, I don't think that will be necessary. I doubt Audrina will be even half that obnoxious, and what's more, I don't think she'll last even half that long (poor Tony, the last time he got someone amazing was season 2). I can't see her having much of a fan base, and she seems unlikely to be any good at dancing. Still...DWTS has always been known for surprises. Gilles Marini was predicted by EW (somewhat offhandedly) to get last place his season. And you know how wrong that turned out to be...
• Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino & Karina Smirnoff: Karina's fortunes have fallen incredibly far with the DWTS-viewing public, from what I've seen (I have yet to see a genuinely positive comment about the veteran pro in online comment boards this season), which is a strike against "The Situation" (do I have to use that nickname? I guess so...) from the start, but...he's athletic. He's probably going to showcase his ridiculous (I mean that a bit derisively) abs for at least the first one or two dances. And being from one of the trashiest shows on reality television (and that's no mean feat), "Jersey Shore," he probably doesn't really give a dang how stupid he might look on the dance floor. I'm not a "Jersey" viewer, and Mike (ha! dodged the nickname!) failed to appear for the cast announcement press conference, so my verdict's out on his on-screen persona until September 20 when the show premieres, but...I'm guessing he's probably not an absolutely horrible dancer. Goodness forbid a reality-TV star takes it all the way...
• Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya: Anna's a tough, but effective teacher (and I still find her rather fun to watch, though her hair choices have often been a bit psychotic in seasons past), and Kurt's an affable, well-liked, charming football star. (Who played last for the Cardinals, my home team. Heck yes!) Both of these factors practically guarantee him at least a month on the dance floor, if he's terrible at dancing. If he's good? You might as well write him a ticket to at least the top 5. He'd have to try hard not to make it that far.

And one more thing...Edyta's FINALLY gone! I've been an outspoken critic of Ms. Sliwinska for a while, mainly due to her going out of her way to dress in a ridiculously risque fashion (I'm pretty sure the clothes that any other pro female dancer wears in one show adds up to more fabric than Edyta has worn in her entire 10-season DWTS run...remember that outfit last season where she was basically naked? Ugh...), and the fact that her choreography usually tends to put the spotlight on her, rather than her partner. That all aside, Edyta's been a loyal part of DWTS for 10 long seasons, and I wish her all the best in whatever she moves on to. Farewell, Edyta! Try to wear more clothes at college, will you? As for the rest of you...I'm excited for Season 11 to start. Are you? Be sure to comment/discuss/what have you, and I'll see you in a few weeks for the premiere. (Those of you who are also "Idol" fans should see me much sooner, as I plan to continue my Top 12 project tomorrow. Or thereabouts.) For now...viva la DWTS!

DWTS: Let's Meet The Cast of Season 11 (Part I)

Remember when I said about a week or two ago that I would continue my "Idol" Top 12 project posthaste? Weeell...life got in the way. (It often does, yes?) Yet again I offer another "I'll hopefully make a post about it tomorrow" semi-promise. But let's move to the matter at hand..."Dancing With The Stars," everyone's favorite celebrity-dancing show (SYTYCD, you're great, but you don't count...), just announced its new cast for its 11th season (I've been there since Season 2! How far DWTS has come...), and I'd be a fool not to comment (in a somewhat timely manner) on the stars (or lack thereof), the pairings, and the other developments that have arisen so far. (The Situation, a Palin, and the Hoff, oh my!) Because there's 12 partnerships, and I'm wont to ramble, I'll split it all into two parts. So...let's boogie down, and preview the latest season of...Dancing. "WITH THE STAHHHRS!"

• Michael Bolton & Chelsie Hightower: I have to say I'm not too thrilled to see the guy whose biggest hit (ish...my memory of those love song/power ballad infomercials is kind of off at the moment, so I can't remember that one other famous tune he's known for) is "Go The Distance" learn to dance, but ehhh, at least he's...classy? A recovering big hair addict? I inexplicably have a Christmas song by him on my iPod (hey, it was free on iTunes a year or so ago...)? Yeah, I guess those all work. The producers really came out of left-field, though, with the partner they chose for him. Chelsie's fun. She's a pretty good teacher (she turned a rodeo star AND a pro snowboarder into fairly legitimate dancers, which is no mean feat). And she's attractive. But...she's 21. And Michael Bolton is FIFTY-SEVEN. That age difference is beyond Demi & Ashton territory...it's more like Celine Dion & Rene Angelil...or the late Anna Nicole Smith & J. Howard Marshall. (She was in her late 20s/early 30s, and he was approaching 90.) K, maybe not that drastic. But still. I'm wondering how Chelsie & Michael are going to make, say, the rumba look like anything but creepy. Then again, Michael might not even make it that far...
• Margaret Cho & Louis Van Amstel: I loved Niecy & Louis last season, and I expect Margaret & Louis this season to be cut from a lot of the same cloth (hilarious, revelatory, charming, fun to watch). Although...Margaret comes from a lot dirtier line of comedy (pun actually NOT intended for once...and it doesn't make sense unless you know Niecy up until recently hosted "Clean House" :) ), and her line during the press conference that she knows some stripper moves was kind of...foreboding. Still...she seems unique, fun, and ready to plow through the competition HER way, which I like. And I survived Pamela Anderson last season (and after the awkward tornado of raunch that was her first dance, she actually toned the scandalousness down, believe it or not). So...bring it on, Margaret.
• Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke: And here's where my spotty knowledge of sports comes back to bite me. (The other times it does this mostly occur during the sports categories on "Jeopardy!") I honestly had no idea until Monday night's press conference who the heck Rick Fox is. So...I hope he's not boring. Or obnoxious. (Like, say, Jason Taylor or Lawrence Taylor, from seasons past, neither of whom did I particularly care for, because they were...you guessed it, boring and obnoxious, respectively. And I didn't realize until now they're both surnamed Taylor...DWTS should just stay away from athletes with that name, I guess. :) ) Though really, he's probably going to fill one of the usual "Brandon doesn't give a dang whether you stay or go" slots this season (and if he makes it far, perhaps one of the "Please go, Brandon likes the other people much better, and you're lame" slots more towards the finals).
• Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough: Jennifer's story (you can find it somewhere on the Internets) that getting ready to appear on DWTS saved her life (because of the visit she made to make sure she was in ship-shape for dancing, doctors discovered a serious issue with her neck and she was able to get surgery) is inspiring. And although I'm not a child of the 80s and I've never seen "Dirty Dancing" (you that ARE children of the 80s can yell at me now...), she seems very nice, agreeable, and totally game for whatever DWTS throws her way. I have to admit, though, I'm with a lot of people saying Derek being her partner is kind of a "What? Not AGAIN..." scenario. Derek has yet to have received a truly ghastly-at-dancing partner. Jennifer could prove us wrong...but probably not, even if her last dance experience was in a movie released 23 years ago. Derek's choreography is often terrific (three words from last season: 50s paso doble), and he's a fairly good teacher (even when he has little to teach), but as is true for a lot of viewers, he's really gotten on my nerves. An early exit, even though I like Jennifer and hope she does well, might be the best for all involved.
• David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson: Call me crazy, but I'm not a big fan of the Hoff. His self-parody appearance in the SpongeBob movie was probably the height of his appeal/level of humor as far as I'm concerned, and he's practically the poster boy in my book for "washed-up." (His last gig? Judging "America's Got Talent," AKA the redheaded stepchild of summer reality shows. Le ouch.) So...unless he turns out to be a revelation, or really funny/fun to watch, I'm going to be rather unenthusiastic about his tenure on the show. It's nice to see Kym back, though. (Don't worry, Kym. Anyone would need a season off to recover from the craziness that is Donny Osmond. :) )
• Florence Henderson & Corky Ballas: Poor Corky's getting painted with the "creeper" brush from his, ahem, colorful turn as Cloris Leachman's partner back a few seasons ago (my, was that entertaining television... :) ), but he's a nice guy, and Florence, of course, is cheerful, charming, and kind of a respected TV/film/stage veteran or something. Being from Broadway, Florence has a slight edge over previous 'older' contestants, and adding to that what's bound to be a lot of sentimental voter appeal, Ms. Henderson just might be the first fairly legitimate contender anywhere near the age of 76. (Then again, I could be wrong. That's pretty much the same thing I said about Buzz last season. Sad.)

The other half of the cast coming tomorrow morning (this I'll make sure to fulfill, really) or so. For now...read. Comment. Discuss. Throw tomatoes at. Whatever floats your boat. For now...viva la DWTS! :)

I'm In Here...Really. I Promise.

(Title...well, before the "really. I promise."...provided by an excellent Sia song. :) )

So...did you hear that Didi Benami won American Idol? (If only... :/ ) Of course you didn't...but if you'd been following my blog--and knew nothing about Season 9 of "Idol" went--that's what you'd have been under the impression of for the past...month and a half. I've been very neglectful of my Top 12 recap project, or of updating this here blog in any way, shape, or form. So let's get back to business...my Top 12 posts will resume (with a LOT of catch-up...I'm planning at least Andrew and Katie, and possibly Tim...oh, Tim...gah...) hopefully tomorrow, but covering a few odds and ends that have popped up in the time I've been away:

• Ellen's out of "Idol." I still like her, and I thought she did an OK job this past season, but she was smart to leave...the chemistry was definitely a little off between her and the other 3 judges. She would, however, be an excellent new host...Ryan, quit now if you know what's good for you. :) (Likelihood of that, though, btw? Next to none. One of the reasons Ellen said she quit was that the schedule was catching up to her. Hosting the show would probably take more time than judging it, so that option's out. Still, Ryan should quit anyhow. He's definitely past his expiration date in terms of actually being appealing or fun.)
• Kara might be out too. And Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are rumored to take the 2 open spots on the panel. J.Lo? Good. I like her (OK, I also think she's EXTREMELY attractive, but still...), and think she's appealing, has the potential to be nice, and helpful (like she was in her Season 6 mentoring stint...didn't watch the show then, but thanks to YouTube, I'm covered :), but also to lay down the law. That said...we thought the same about Ellen. And look how that turned out ("nice." "good." "it was nice and good."). Also, there's another eerie similarity to Ellen...although J.Lo's star is fading a bit ("The Back-Up Plan" and "Louboutins," anyone?), she's still pretty dang well-known. And history on "Idol" has shown that big stars are hard to swallow as a part of a panel that also includes Randy Jackson (the guy who played bass for "Journey," produced for Mariah Carey, and stuff), and potentially Kara DioGuardi (that one chick who wrote hits and all that). As "Idol" producers learned way back in season 1, when they unleashed Randy, Paula (then, a washed-up 80s star, quite frankly), and Simon (then, some cranky British dude) on the public, sometimes lesser-known is the way to go.
• As for Steven Tyler...I say nope. He's crude. His singing talent is debatable. ("Dream On"? Yes. Anything Aerosmith's attempted this decade? For the love of humanity, no.) And not to hit below the belt...but physically, age has definitely caught up to him in the worst way. Not that we're looking for another Heidi and Tim on "Project Runway" here or anything, but millions of people do attempt to watch this show for 4 months. And lighting only does so much. So...definitely not a fan of this possibility. But if it does indeed happen...I'll manage, I suppose. And finally, I actually want Kara to stay. She's the only other remaining panelist besides Randy (well, they are the ONLY two remaining panelists) with experience and music cred on the show (and unlike Randy, she can actually form coherent sentences that actually HELP...), and even though that's not the end-all of judging on American Idol, I think we need a bit of that on the show, no matter what happens.
• My favorite names that have been floated around as judges (likelihood is slim for all of them, but who knows?): HARRY CONNICK, JR. (as you can tell, I'd really love for him to be considered :) ), Shania Twain, Elton John (well, he's better than Steven Tyler, at any rate), and...OK, anybody else I'd love is kind of far-fetched at this moment. A few I wouldn't want to see, though, are Jessica Simpson, the aforementioned Steven Tyler, and pretty much anyone...obnoxious? There. That works. :)

Well, I've done enough typing for now. See you tomorrow (provided I actually follow through, dang it) for some more (extremely late, but at least you can remember them better) reminiscing of Season 9's Top 12.

Top 12 Profiles: Didi Benami

Name: Didi Benami

Hometown: "A little place I like to call...Los Angeles." (or as those stupid commercials from Disney Channel & the Brothers Who Must Not Be Named proclaim, "LA, LA, bab-ay...")

Age: 23

Place: 10th (gah!), eliminated during R&B/Soul Week

Best Semifinal Performance: Her intimate, delicious Top 16 week take on "Rhiannon" beats out her fine version of "The Way I Am" during Top 24 Week. It catapulted her into the finals, showed her smooth, distinctive vocals, and really just rocked (in an acoustic fashion).

Best Finals Performance: "Play With Fire" during Rolling Stones Week (wow, so far the first 3 finalists eliminated have had their best performances during the night where they all took on the Stones. Who would have thought?). Fiery (haha, pun :) ), committed, perfect. It really showed what Didi was capable of (sadly, that made things to come much, much more harder...).

• The Early Days: The audition rounds were nearly devoid of Didi's sparkling presence and loads of talent...that is, until the quite-glorious "The Best of The Rest"/"Road to Hollywood" episode where the producers actually decided to give us an hour of singing that was primarily good. (What a concept...)  Didi's audition of "Hey Jude" was beautiful...her tone was quirky but excellently controlled, her phrasing was unique but not awkward, her pitch was next to flawless, and she really made a strong impression with just a short snippet of a song. (The fact that Simon was unmoved by this, and flippantly gave Didi a "very small 'yes'" was nothing short of criminal. It's times like these that remind me that having Mr. Cowell gone now is not so bad.) Didi did end up bursting into tears afterwards, and her audition segment did end up feeling like it was dragging on too long, but that's the darn judges/producers' fault, and not poor Didi's (hello, she was auditioning for something that could change her life...and her friend just died, and she was singing for her...I definitely was willing to cut the girl some slack). Things only got better with Didi's truly revelatory take on "Terrified," a gorgeous Kara DioGuardi/Jason Reeves-penned tune that Katharine McPhee had released just a little bit earlier. Didi took no prisoners with her confident, stunning rendition. Finally, her last Hollywood Week performance, "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan, was not as flat-out terrific as her other two previous tunes, but it was still a nice choice by Didi, and it continued her 3-for-3 record going into the semifinals.
• Top 24 Week ("The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson): Beautiful, assured, and wonderfully nuanced, with a nice, intimate arrangement. (I don't even want to think what this would have been like with a 'full-band' treatment...aieee...) A little tiny bit flat at some points, but I thought Didi really nailed it (and introduced hopefully a good segment of the public to the terrific songcraft of Ingrid Michaelson...VIVA LA INGRID!), and the fact that it was a very current song choice was very wise on her part. Simon's whining about the number being 'indulgent' (oh, please let his replacement NEVER utter that pointless word) and a little public disdain about how it wasn't all that and a bag of chips definitely soured a bit of the momentum Didi should have gained, but she still moved on to the next round, and it was an excellent way to start off her semifinal run. 
• Top 20 Week ("Lean On Me" by Bill Withers): OK, just listened to this again on YouTube for the first time since March...and I was surprised at how much better I liked it than back then. I still noticed Didi had a few pitch and control issues (she went flat and a bit all over the place at a few moments) this time around, but her performance sounded much more cohesive and it worked a lot better hearing it again. So I actually like it now. It showed a different side of Didi's vocals (a side that she polished and presented much more effectively two weeks later with "Play With Fire"), and it was miles better than quite a few of the other contestants. The fact that the judges tore it to shreds (example: what was with Randy's stupid, patronizing "Hey, how ya doin', it's American Idol, yeah!" intro to his critique? ugh...) was lamentable. Then, I kind of agreed with it, sadly. Now, I look back on it with sadness as well...but because I didn't quite give it enough credit then. What were you 4 guys on behind the table? (Danny Gokey juice? OK, sorry, I couldn't resist...)
• Top 16 Week ("Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac): For once, I actually don't have much to say beyond what I said that week. Roll the tape:  "I'm not of the persuasion that thinks that Didi should stick herself in a guitar-slinging 'coffeehouse' corner and stay there (haughty pigeonholing is strictly verboten in my book), but I have to admit tonight's return to her cozy acoustic roots was very welcomed on my part. Her finger-picking, delicious cover of "Rhiannon" was truly excellent, driven by smooth, almost perfectly on-pitch vocals and a subtle reimagining of the tune. Like her very good take on "The Way I Am" two weeks ago, Didi fiddled with the melody in the best way, and adding onto the skills displayed in that performance, she really brought some understated life into the song. I audibly expressed my joy at multiple points while she was singing." So, to recap, it was an excellent return to form for Didi, I loved it to pieces, and to add, it was just at the right time...it propelled Ms. Benami to a well-deserved spot in the Top 12. Definitely a "moment" for Didi.
• Top 12 Night/Rolling Stones Week ("Play With Fire"): To this day I can still distinctly remember, with no effort at all, Didi's top-notch version of this Stones tune (one that, like nearly all of the songs that night, I did not know)...granted, I've listened to both the recording and the studio version quite a bit since then, but still, Didi really made her mark with this performance that really had its fair share of fire. Her vocals were spot-on. She attacked her lines with the fury of a cobra (let me know if that analogy doesn't quite work...), yet it sounded effortless. And her phrasing was brilliant. BRILLIANT, I tell you. (OK, I'll try to keep my fanboy urges down a wee bit...) With the previous week's excellent take on "Rhiannon," Didi made a case for herself as a top 12 finalist. With "Play With Fire," Didi made a case for herself as an "American Idol" winner. (These were the glorious days when a Siobhan/Crystal/Didi final three was still a grand possibility, as I noted in my recap then. See below for how that wonderful dream fell apart, due to the unbearable cruelty of Idol's voting public. :/ )
• Top 11 Night/Billboard #1 Week ("You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt, most famously): Like I began my revisiting of Paige Miles' semifinal trainwreck of "Smile" during last week's profile, I shall start off this section with the phrase, "and this is where things got ugly." But this time, I'm not talking about the performance...I'm talking about the judges. Didi pulled off a fine version of this (admittedly 30+ years old, but still dang good) Linda Ronstadt hit, complete with an excellent, swing-driven rearrangement, and very convincing and charming interplay with the bassist, and yet the judges attacked her for it. I thought it was a strange but still very good song choice (it fit Didi's voice like a glove), and she performed it extremely well. Kara, Simon, Ellen, and Randy going to town on it (and Simon even went for the obvious, unfunny pun that it was "no good") was highly unwarranted. And it only was a sign of things to come...
• Top 10 Night/R&B-Soul Week/The Week That Brandon Wept ("What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" by Jimmy Ruffin): Like this. The week that it all ended. The week that Didi, by far one of the best voices in the competition that deserved nothing less than a 3rd-place finish (and perhaps even more than that), was eliminated without even a tear by a merciless voting public obsessed with scratchy Lee, "cute" Tim, and high-schooler Aaron Kelly rather than actual talent and vocal ability. OK, so I'm going off on a tangent right now. Let's return to what I thought of the performance, shall we? I liked it. Back then, I was a bit ambivalent on it. But listening to it now, and listening to it afterwards (on my iPod, baby), and all that...it just clicked. I saw it as emotionally powerful and committed rather than over-the-top and dramatic. I saw her liberties with the melody as artistic rather than demonstrations of how Didi was supposedly 'lost.' (And let's not forget that this was the infamous critique where Simon decided to bash the hard-working "Dancing With The Stars" singers. For the third time in this recap, I must proclaim that I am glad to see that bratty little Brit gone.) The pitch was there. The emotional investment (which definitely was missing from a lot of performers this season) was there. The distinctive, powerful vocals were there as well. Didi laid it out all out on the stage, and yet she was roundly criticized for it. And on top of that, $#%!ing Ryan Seacrest had to go and hunt for Didi's tear ducts with an awkward, painful, bordering-on-cruel Q-and-A afterwards when he kept digging at Didi, asking why she had picked that particular song (Didi, for her part, wisely and impressively chose not to give in and resisted any crying/fishing for votes). Next night, America sent her home, and even after a beautiful reprise of Didi's shining moment with "Rhiannon," the judges refused to save her (yet they used the save the very next week on Michael Lynche...ugh). Shameful, "Idol." Simply shameful.

Do I think Didi should have made it to the finals? Um, I think you might have been able to gather the answer to that by now...

Do I think she deserved the place she got? Ya think??? Nope. Didi's way-too-early ouster was yet another criminal moment in Season 9. (Plus, she was the third girl in a row to get sent home. What is with teeny-bopper's irrational hatred of female vocalists??)

Will I buy her CD, whenever it comes out? Like heck I will. And it had better come out soon. Didi deserves nothing, and I repeat NOTHING, less.

Top 12 Profiles: Paige Miles

Name: Paige Miles

Hometown: Naples, FL

Age: 24

Place: 11th, eliminated during Billboard #1 Week

Best Semifinal Performance: All 3 of them weren't that great, but I would probably say it would be the performance that opened the live shows of Season 9, her take on Free's "All Right Now." I panned it mercilessly then, but now, looking  back at the lamentable 2 weeks she had afterwards, it sounds actually kind of good, in a certain way.

Best Finals Performance: Definitely "Honky Tonk Women," her Rolling Stones Week selection. Even though it had major issues (and Paige was, you know, kind of suffering from laryngitis...), it was still miles, miles, MILES (for once, that was an accidental pun :) ) better than the trainwreck that was "Against All Odds," Paige's second and last performance in the finals.

• The Early Days: Paige was one of the poor souls who didn't get a whiff of screentime (save for an unfortunate few seconds as part of one of the dueling "Bad Romance" groups during Hollywood Week) prior to her live show debut (and they made her go first, no less), but in her interview package before her Top 24 performance, they did show a little of her final Hollywood solo, a fairly solid take on "Living For The City" (though not as amazing as Siobhan Magnus' version of the same number during the same stage of the competition...but that's for later...).
• Top 24 Week ("All Right Now" by Free): Not the best way to make a first impression...and I'm referring to both Paige and "American Idol" season 9 in general. Like I said above, listening to it now, it sounds much better and a little less all over the place, but still...Paige's low range was about 10% vocally accurate, and she didn't quite have control over her notes. It was a fairly interesting song choice (yeah, then I didn't dig it, but I've changed my tune a bit), but it didn't quite click with me, and it was, unfortunately, a foreboding sign of things to come...
• Top 20 Week ("Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson): Another number that sounds much better now than when I heard it previously (I definitely don't remember Paige hitting this many notes, but I guess my memory was faulty, as usual), but also another number that was 1-800-Underwhelming. Some parts were actually kind of good, and then some parts (like the unwieldy ascent to should-have-been-a-glory-but-it-didn't-really-get-there-note towards the ascent) were bordering on painful. Yet again, Paige displayed major vocal control issues (something that may, as I have learned since then, have been because she was battling vocal health issues...yikes).
• Top 16 Week ("Smile", the jazz standard): And this is where things got plain ugly. The song started off pleasantly enough...with some tasty jazz piano and (I don't usually notice these things, but it stood out to me at first) a nice look by Paige. But then she started singing, and it didn't go well at all. She went flat almost every other line. She sounded thin. There were a few scandalously botched melismas. There was a weird shift into a bossa-nova feel (that Randy, of all people, correctly identified...I almost wanted to hug him at that moment). And she stayed chained to her mike stand, looking as if she was about to cry. (That part was sad. On a few levels...) It was literally hard to watch (also on a few levels), which, given the fact that the song is called "Smile" and its lyrics are meant to be somewhat uplifting (sure, it can be sad and introspective, and great versions in that vein have been done, but in the end it's telling everyone to "smile"), was a pretty bad sign. The fact that Paige gave this kind of lackluster, ghastly performance in the deciding week of the semifinals should have made her elimination the next night a no-brainer. She simply hadn't done much of anything in her 3 chances to wow the voting public that merited an inclusion in the Top 12. Sadly, she went on instead of Katelyn, and the world wept.
• Top 12 Night/Rolling Stones Week ("Honky Tonk Women"): Who'd have thought Paige would have given one of her best performances on a night that she was battling laryngitis? But she did, and while it was not even close to approaching amazing, and the fact that she landed in the Bottom 2 the next night was still fairly deserved, it was probably her shining moment in the competition. She worked the stage well, she coaxed a few more correct notes out of her lower register (and a little more of a soaring, on-pitch quality in her upper register), and it actually kind of worked. (Emphasis on "kind of." Small steps, small steps.)
• Top 11 Night/Billboard #1 Week ("Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)" by Phil Collins): It's nice that Paige had a chance to shine during Stones Week. Because in her following performance, she subsequently crashed, burned, and flat-out bombed on an uninspired Phil Collins tune (one that has been oft-covered on the "Idol" stage). Even listening to it now, I'm pretty sure Paige hit a total of about 10-12 notes the whole song, tops. (That's not much of an exaggeration.) Randy (oh, heavens, why is he the only judge I've mentioned so far?) actually had a moment of conciseness and accuracy when he said that it was "honestly terrible." Again, since that night I have watched Paige's fascinating "Idolatry" interview on EW.com, in which she explained her voice wasn't in good shape at all and thus it affected her performance, but still...ouch.

Do I think Paige should have made it to the finals? Nope. She wasn't impressive, consistent, or just plain good enough to earn her spot. The fact that she did end up getting it over much more talented singers (Katelyn, Lilly, and Janell, anyone?) was rather lamentable, and was one of the first injustices of a long and awkward season.

Do I think she deserved the place she got? Actually, to tell the truth, no. Although "Against All Odds" was indeed her worst performance (and one of the worst in "Idol" history, while we're at it), and Paige hadn't really delivered at all so far, she at least had an intriguing voice under all that inconsistency, bad song choices, pitch issues, and vocal health problems. The guys, on the other hand, for the most part...didn't. So the fact that America sent yet another female packing for the second week in a row was not that great.

Will I buy her CD, whenever it comes out? It depends. Paige actually got a prime chance to show off her recovered voice on Finale night, when during the girls' Christina Aguilera medley, she sang the heck out of "Fighter." It was by far her best vocal on "Idol," and, in a first, I actually loved it. (Her "Living For The City" performance on "David Letterman" deserves honorable mention as well.) So I'm curious to see what she comes up with in the future. Unfortunately for Paige, given her 11th-place slot, exclusion from the tour, and general downward trajectory on "Idol," that might be a while coming.