- Aaron Carter and Karina (22/30 for their cha cha, 1st in the waltz relay): Remember Lance Bass a few seasons ago? Was a really good dancer, got 3rd place, had a constant smile? Yeah...I didn't like him. And Mr. Carter here reminds me of that very same situation. He's very good, don't get me wrong, with excellent footwork and a lot of energy...but I just can't stand the guy. He seems too fake, too preppy, too..."I Want Candy"? (Which I will now have in my head for the rest of the night...) Maybe it's my Anti-Heartthrob League alarm going off, but I'm definitely not a fan of the former preteen singing sensation. At least Gilles last season was nice and unfailingly modest. Aaron just seems...there.
- Chuck Liddell and Anna Trebunskaya (16/30 for foxtrot, 3rd in the salsa relay): "DWTS" has long been an equal-manliness employer. We've seen the likes of Warren Sapp, Floyd Meriwether, and Wayne Newton (OK, maybe that last one's not the greatest example...) grace the ballroom floor. But Chuck Liddell, the pro fighter known as the "Iceman"? That's a bit of a stretch, even by "Dancing"'s flyaway celebrity standards. His foxtrot? Passable, but not too hot. And he still has a ways to go on energy and charm. His thirty seconds in the salsa weren't much better...he seemed like he was throwing Anna around. (And he's one of the few contestants that COULD actually throw Anna around...) Still, he's not annoying or pushy, and he seems to be dedicated to the show. I'm definitely not close to being a fan of him yet, but he only has room to improve.
- Mark Dacascos & Lacey (21/30 for cha cha, 2nd in waltz relay): His rehearsal footage may have been full of karate kicks and Lacey's squeals (I swear she was much more likable the first season she was on), but his dance...wow. The judge's tepid scores definitely fall under the category of "what?!?," as Mark showed a definite flexibility, charm, and, most prevalent of all, energy. (His kung fu, I think, actually kept him grounded...if he wasn't doing those strict kicks, Mr. Dacascos would have bouncing all over that floor...) Len (oh, you cranky Brit, you...) took issue with the gimmick...of course...but really, what's the problem, folks? He was precise, unique, and fun. What more can you ask for? Cloris Leachman? (Um...maybe we should move on now...)
- Ashley Hamilton & Edyta (15/30 for foxtrot, 4th in salsa relay): Poor Ashley. His only true claims to fame are his endlessly tanned father and typical Hollywood marriage to Shannen Doherty (that lasted five months...SIXTEEN years ago...), since we all know his label as "actor/songwriter/comedian" don't really count if, you know, no one's heard of him. That said, Ashley's dance wasn't completely horrible, and he was definitely much more engaging and charming than I thought he would be. (He wasn't helped, however, by the music, a rather awkward version of Mika's "Grace Kelly"...why do you try to harmonize, budget singers? WHY?!?) So while he was no Gilles, he was no Woz either. Do I find his story (just a while ago, he had to get around in a wheelchair) inspiring? Of course. Do I find his demeanor pleasant? Certainly. But do I really care if he (likely) gets booted tomorrow? To tell the truth, not really. (And as an added complication, he has Edyta...AKA "The Lady Who Wears Little Clothing"...as a partner. I doubt the DWTS Sewing department cares either way, though, what would they save? Three inches of fabric?)
- Donny Osmond & Kym (20/30 for can can foxtrot, 1st in salsa relay): I admit, I nearly fell out of my chair when Tom Bergeron offhandedly titled Donny the "Pride of Provo." (I am in Provo, hence the delightful connection.) But things didn't really keep up in fun from there...Donny's just a bit too awkward for my taste. His, ahem, showy foxtrot was good, but it wasn't amazing (and again, semi-derailed by the usually solid, but tonight uncharacteristically awful singers--though to their credit, whoever picked the woeful "All That Jazz" gave them a doozy...), and kind of overly cheesy. Donny's personality was no different, even while delivering a much more balanced (and technically sound) salsa. Still, he's likable (even with comments like "entertaining since I was an embryo"), and while I'm not yet moved to pull out my phone or Internet for him (as I was with Marie...oh, Marie...), if he makes it to the finals, I won't mind in the slightest. And even if they won't let him back into Utah because he danced sexily, I will. (As long as he brings Marie.)
- Louie Vito & Chelsie (19/30 for foxtrot, 2nd in salsa relay): Maybe it's just the Chelsie effect (I love her, she's so bubbly!). Or maybe it's the fact that Louie reminds me of Ty and his goofy charm. Or maybe I was just out of it. (Too much Kander and Ebb...OK, any Kander and Ebb...can do that to a guy.) But I liked Louie and his dancing. At first I was underwhelmed, but by the end of the foxtrot routine, Mr. Vito had come into his own and showed some real fish-out-of-water potential. And his salsa, which started off with a multi-backflip and ended with some respectable moves, only improved on that potential. On top of that, he seems completely committed even when he's never danced--or watched celebrities dance on this very program--EVER. If he follows the same trajectory as Ty last season, Louie's got a good upward ride ahead of him. If he turns out to just fizzle...then he'll definitely have a lot more training time for the Olympics in February. (Speaking of that...HOW does he have time to do this show? Aren't you supposed to train all year for that sort of thing? Oh, wait...that's true, you can't snowboard in the summer...or much of the fall...never mind.)
- Michael Irvin & Anna Demidova (13/30 for cha cha, 3rd in waltz relay): The obligatory position of "football player" has always been a mixed bag. On one hand, we've had gems like Warren Sapp, a jolly old soul with some light feet, and Emmitt Smith, the former Cardinal (woo hoo, Cardinals!) who cut a rug all the way to the season 3 crown. On the other...grumps like Lawrence Taylor, who spent 90 percent of last season whining and/or hinting about how he wanted to get back to his golf course, and had little ballroom talent (or personality) to dazzle us with. Michael lies somewhere in the middle...he's fun as heck to watch, but he's not exactly the most natural of dancers. His rehearsal footage, Jerry Rice afro picture obsessions and all, was nothing short of hilarious (finally, another person that talks to themselves! though I never do it in the mirror...), and he has loads of charm and energy. And, unlike Mr. Woods, I mean Taylor, in Season 8, he actually seems to like dancing (even if he did ask himself--in the mirror, of course--why he was there). The judges were a little harsh on him with a 13 for his cha cha (did they somehow get him confused with the Woz?). He was a bit more graceful with his waltz. I hope he stays for a bit and has some time to grow. (After all, if we gave Lawrence Taylor a month to do it...we might as well give Michael Irvin the same.)
- Tom DeLay (???) & Cheryl (16/30 for cha cha, 4th in waltz relay): Now this was just weird. I did give half my votes to Tom (much like Texas often did...), mostly because I had only seen a handful of dances and thought the novelty of a politician on "Dancing" was just too much to resist...but I'm not quite sure about the validity of my decision anymore. It was just...like Carrie Ann said, "surreal." So surreal, that I was cracking up every five seconds at the unintentional humor that popped up all over his rehearsal clips. Shaking his rear in the direction of the judges, and his disturbing in-dance shout-out to Bruno (which the Flamboyant Judge of Craziness all too gleefully acknowledged) were probably the most awkward moments the former Majority Leader had to worry about, but the ferocity in which he tore into his cha cha was more than a little disarming. A 62-year-old ultra-conservative jamming to "Wild Thing"? I never thought I would see the day. His waltz was much less creepy, as Tom displayed a more natural and at-ease sense of rhythm and grace. (And I dug the hand-kissing thing. Classy.) I may be more careful with my votes from now on, seeing as I'm kind of regretting giving four of them to such a non-dancer. But he's interesting, happy, and a former Representative, for land's sakes. How much more crazy can you get than that? Cloris Leachman? (Once again, let's move on...)
So Far, Not So Great: Aaron Carter (great dancer, but completely annoying person), "All That Jazz" (well, I can't say Donny, he wasn't THAT bad...and the ugly harmonies and lyrics about a garter still haunt me...), Ashley Hamilton (charming but underwhelming).
Just There: Donny (slightly interesting and wholesome) and Chuck (macho man meets the dance floor...this could be good...or not...)
So there you have it, the first night of competition. Watch sometime tomorrow (hopefully in the afternoon, so I can beat the results show) for my rundown of ladies' night, and sometime after that for the results show recap (which I should be able to watch live). Spread the word, have fun, and keep "Dancing"! Cheese out. :)
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