Top 12 Girls Night: Wicked Game

OK, I have 21 minutes until the Top 12 Guys show (which I will actually be able to watch tonight, I had to catch last night's performance episode via the very, very helpful Rickey.org), which means I have 21 minutes to recap 12 ladies' performances. Can I get a "Aaah!!!"? Overall comments: This was kind of painful to watch. While there were some bright moments (you'll see me type...hopefully briefly...about them below), it was a roundly disappointing night of "performances" (so bad, I put performances in needless quotes :) ). So dive in with me, quickly, like a bunny, and relive the horror and joy that is...the American Idol semifinals.

• Paige Miles: To quote "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" (oh, yes, I am going there): "Je suis 'ow.'" Poor Paige got saddled with the first slot (AKA death) and I haven't seen her sing a note before now, but she did herself no favors with this exceedingly messy and awkward performance of "All Right Now." It was BAD. Yet the judges said it was good...and this is why they often drive me crazy. Paige is in major danger--unless America has suddenly been brainwashed by Simon Cowell. While I won't cry if she leaves...methinks she should be given another chance, a chance she hopefully won't waste as badly as she did with this performance.
• Ashley Rodriguez: I've heard Leona Lewis...and you, Ashley, are no Leona Lewis. Ms. Rodriguez attempted to tackle another heavyweight ballad (last time it was Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield," this time it was the aforementioned Lewis' "Happy"). I only like the song because of Leona's powerhouse voice, and with Ashley's not-half-as-strong pipes phoning in a weak showing, it really fell flat (especially when HALF HER FREAKING NOTES were thus). Sorry Ashley, but I really don't care if America (deservedly) votes your unimaginative self off.
• Janell Wheeler: Another bad song choice, another promising contestant with a horrendous performance. "What About Love" by Heart...really, Janell? What about changing it up a bit, so your more acoustic-suited voice wouldn't get swallowed up? What about staying on key, so you wouldn't sound like a dying cat (or Taylor Swift)? It just didn't work at all...it was certainly more on par with her dismal performance of "Love Story" during Hollywood Week than her alluring take on "American Boy" a few episodes earlier.
• Lilly Scott: Crap, 9 more minutes, and 9 more contestants (and if you've read a shred of my recaps, you know I don't write concisely enough to take a minute per contestant :) ): Anyways, Lilly's quirky acoustic spin on "Fixing A Hole" by the Beatles (why does it remind me of "A Day In The Life" for some reason? Probably the holes...) was enticing, but not entirely consistent. I liked it (and now have it for my own, thanks to Rickey.org), but it was also somewhat awkward. Lilly might need to expand her musical horizons a little more to gain the favor of a wider swath of Idol voters, or she could end up like Megan Joy last season...talented and spicy, but capable of imploding in a live setting.
• Katelyn Epperly: Is it time for brevity? Sure. Her vocals were excellent, but her look and personality were not. It was good, and she demonstrated a heck of a lot of control over her instrument, but it just didn't blow me away.
• Haeley Vaughn: Country + wonky vocals + a Beatles number? No, you didn't stumble back into Season 7 and Kristy Lee Cook's horrific murder of "Eight Days a Week"...that would be Haeley Vaughn's precociously awful butchering of "I Want To Hold Your Hand." Points for totally turning the song on its ear. Points promptly taken away for being on key about 5% of the time.
• Lacey Brown: I love Lacey, and I voted for her quite a few times. That is why I saw her disappointing, flat performance of "Landslide" as not a lackluster effort by a not-so-talented pretender, but as a low point in an otherwise spot-on trajectory so far. Lacey seemed to be pushing when she should have pulled, shaped, and nuanced her voice like she totally can. I fear for her safety in the competition now--she's doomed to be one of the first 2 castoffs on Thursday--but I hope America gives her another week, and she gains some confidence in her personal artistry, so she can show what she's most certainly got.
• Michelle Delamor: (Writing this during the commercials of the Top 12 guys episode. I got close to finishing this in time, though! :) ) Michelle fared much better than Paige in the "I hardly got any screen time before now, so here goes nothin'" department, and she showcased some impressive vocals, but her performance was a wee bit too by-the-numbers to show anything special. Put those large pipes into something constructive and unique, Michelle, and you've got yourself a deal. For now, I think you've earned yourself a ticket to next week, another chance to show Idol voters unfamiliar with you (AKA, pretty much everyone) what you can bring.
• Didi Benami: I love this song ("The Way I Am"! Viva la Ingrid Michaelson!), and I love Didi and her voice. And guess what...I liked this performance. She was a tiny bittle flat at some points, but I thought it was assured, smooth, and beautiful. Kara (Kara??!!) was right (right?!?!?) in pointing out (point...OK, I'll stop :) ) that Didi did play with the melody a little bit, and it worked out well. Where was the love from the other judges, then? Does Simon see it his duty to be a Didi hater? Well, to heck with the judges. America is likely to put her through, with such a nice performance on a night full of pain, misery, and endless woe.
• Siobhan Magnus: Well, someone surprised me tonight. Not only did I learn that Siobhan's an apprentice glass-blower, I learned she can nuance a performance pretty darn well. Her final Hollywood Week song, "Living For The City," was loose and soaring, but this reined-in, mysteriously delicious version of "Wicked Game" (a Chris Isaak tune, who woulda thunk it?) was a breath of fresh air. Siobhan has really caught my eye, something I really didn't expect.
• Crystal Bowersox: Me likey some Crystal. OK, how about I type in actual English? I thought it was very good. And how many contestants have pulled out the guitar AND the harmonica? (Apparently Taylor Hicks did. Well, I didn't watch his season, and haven't really had the urge to look his old "Idol" performances up on YouTube.) Her vocals were confident, strong, and had an interesting (but not EEnteresting...as in interesting but horrible) tone that I really liked. Plus her teeth look better, which should please the brats that were complaining about them. All in all, Crystal is one frontrunner that deserves the hype. (Side note: I didn't think she came off as cocky or "above American Idol" in her awkward conversation with the judges, but she just may need to become acclimated to the show a little bit more.)
• Katie Stevens: I'm a big fan of this talented teenager, as you saw from my slightly stilted praise in the last recap...and I really liked this performance, but she did indeed try too hard. The confidence and maturity she's displayed up to this point turned too far into pretense and not being genuine, and with someone as bright and promising as Katie, that's kind of a shame. I do take issue, though, with people comparing this to Adam Lambert...a) He was covering the Muse version of the song, and b) He slaughtered it, and not in a good way. How about you compare Katie to Nina Simone (who originated the song with a killer version decades ago) or Michael Buble (who revitalized the tune for a new generation)? It's a jazz standard, folks. Don't go trumpeting a caterwauling glam-rock wannabe from last season like he owns the song. Anyways, back to Katie...it was good, but not entirely original or consistent. She needs to step it up a bit and bring all the talented pieces she possesses together.

So there you have it. The Top 12 ladies of American Idol. I would tack on something here like a "who was good, who wasn't" thing, but I'm already running late on this, and I think you got enough. See you (anyone? anyone? cricket, cricket?) soon with a recap of the Top 12 guys. Adios!