"Idol" Finale and Other Stuff: You Oughta Know

Well, that's it. America has crowned a new American Idol. My thoughts about the finale (which happened two weeks ago today...yep, I've been rather perfunctory in blogging about it)...well, I have quite a few, but I probably wouldn't know where to start. (Or for that matter, end...) First off, though, I'm not terribly happy with the result. Lee's definitely a nice guy (and he was hilarious and incredibly humanizing appearing with Crystal on "Ellen" a few days before the finale), but really...beyond that he doesn't have much. Vocally, he was underwhelming. Even if you and I disagree on his trajectory and performance quality throughout the season compared to Crystal's, I'd find it hard to believe even the staunchest Lee fan could find much in how he performed on Top 2 night that was dramatically better than Crystal. She gave three fiery, all-or-nothing performances...and he just sang. Fairly on-key (a dramatic improvement from his dark, ghastly semifinal days where any note held longer than a second and louder than speaking tone went more flat than a day-old pancake), but not very appealingly. Crystal blew him out of the water, and the fact that he bested her in the finale...it just left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. But oh well. Crystal got signed literally the day after (if my memory serves correctly, that's even quicker than Season 8's winner, Kris Allen, got picked up last year) by Idol's recording label, and both she and Lee look forward to debut albums late this fall. And, lest any of us forget...it's a reality show. So I can't complain...it's just kind of a lame end to an often frustrating season.

Recapping the finale (thank goodness I tweeted about it so I can remember the specifics):

• Alice Cooper with the Top 12: In the words of my Twitter post at the time..."This is the weirdest finale opening ever." Strange sound issues, inexplicable chorus of school uniform-clad zombies, and the Top 12 not sounding very live vocal-wise...yep, I stand by my tweet.
• Kris Allen, "The Truth": The truth is...this is one dang good song. Kris sang the heck out of it (though what was with that weird first 15 seconds where Ryan Seacrest's mike was still on? Way to be, sound technicians...), and you can probably tell from the fact that I downloaded the tune almost right after the finale ended, that I really loved it. Hopefully you did too. (Irony I noted on Twitter: Just a year before this performance, Kris was singing "No Boundaries" as the new American Idol champion. This time around, the song was again a midtempo rock ballad...but it was MUCH better than that nonsense.)
• The elevendy billion Simon tribute segments they liberally peppered throughout the night: At first they were kind of fun, then they got old, then they pulled out the really sentimental one at the end that totally nailed Simon's legacy (and reminded us why the heck we've put up with him for 9 seasons).
• Dane Cook with that random Simon-roast song: Let's again go to my thoughts that night..."I have to admit Dane Cook and his Simon insult song was pretty fun...but then the cadre of failed auditioners came on, & it all died." There are times I regret not watching the first 7 seasons of "Idol" with the rest of America. I had no idea who any of these fools were but psycho Tatiana from last season...thus, this is NOT one of those times.
• Siobhan (!!!) and Aaron (ehhh...) with the Bee Gees (?!?!?) singing "How Deep Is Your Love": Weird. But oddly satisfying. Though c'mon, producers...why didn't you give Siobhan something to wail on, dang it???
• The Two Mikes (OK, Michael Lynche & Michael McDonald): Somewhat inexplicable that these two would sing together just because they share a name (same applies to Lee & Chicago, below)...but I do enjoy "Takin' It To The Streets," and Big Mike was in fine form, along with the song's original singer and composer, Michael McDonald. Nice. Not amazing. But nice.
• Top 12 Girls & Christina Aguilera: Didi & Lacey sounded a bit shaky on "Beautiful" (sad!), Crystal rocked it, Siobhan and Paige (who finally seems to have recovered from her vocal health issues during the semifinals and on, and actually can sang) freaking OWNED "Fighter." (Katie Stevens aggressively rented it. :) ) And Christina, although she still is in mad, awkward love with the melisma (she used about twenty per minute), continues to maintain an impressive set of pipes, and knows how to work a ballad like no one's business.
• Top 12 Guys & Hall and Oates: As I tweeted that night...the girls got the still fairly current Aguilera...and the guys got an aging 80s soft-rock duo? OK, I do likes myself some Daryl & John, and they still sound pretty impressive. But really...this is 2010. It just kind of didn't make sense (and there were no Paige-esque revelatory turns among the guys...they all sounded pretty dang lame).
• Crystal Bowersox & Alanis Morissette: Isn't it ironic...wait, there wasn't much ironic about this. (Well, except for the song they sang, "Ironic," but I was trying to build a joke off of that... :) ) Kind of shaky at points, but approaching epic at others. Alanis still knows how to wail, Crystal was probably born knowing how to wail, and "You Oughta Know" is one rockin' number. (I'm not familiar with the song, so I didn't notice the somewhat-hilarious lyric change from "Would she go down on you in a theater?" to "Would she go down with you to the theater?" that Crystal had to take care of. Yeah, bit of a difference there...)
• Bret Michaels & Casey James, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn": Although I saw it coming a mile away when Casey started the iconic Poison number, the fact that Bret Michaels sang and played his heart out on the finale stage just a short while after recovering from multiple strokes was, I admit, pretty inspiring/impressive. A very solid performance, by both parties. Let's hope Casey takes a few lessons from Bret on being a classy duet partner (he gave lots of props to Casey), persevering through trial, and making someone who has quite a lot of contempt towards 80s rock actually sort of like a song from that era. (That would be me, folks. :) )
• Lee & Chicago: He's from Chicago, so pick Chicago to sing/play with him? I love the classic band...but really? That's kind of ridiculous. During the medley of Chicago hits like "If You Leave Me Now" and "25 or 6 to 4" (love that song...though haha, pretty sure it took about 20 times repeating the title for everyone in my family for them all to actually hear it correctly), I was digging it deeply, but looking back, I do realize the two lead vocalists gave pretty short shrift to Lee (though I didn't mind much, the less Lee the better in some cases), and the band as a whole wasn't in as fine form as they usually have been.
• I shall not speak of that "Pants on the Ground" fiasco. I've tried to forget it, actually. Moving on...
• Ditto with Paula giving a "comedy" "roast." Another tweet getting pulled in from that night: "Dear Producers, Never give Paula longer than thirty seconds. Or anything alone. Ever..."
• A large, awesome bunch of "Idol" alums singing "Together We Are One" on stage to Simon: Wow. Though it's sad that only the 7 present "Idol" winners (David Cook apparently had a charity gig already scheduled and couldn't attend) got to have solos (I saw Allison! I saw Allison!!!!), the sight of that much raw talent on the stage at the same time warmed my heart. As bad as this season might have felt, looking at all those terrific products of the "Idol" system gave me hope, dang it. Viva la Idol!
• Janet Jackson and the Top 12: Wow, I actually kind of forgot about this...awkward. Janet sounded great but not terribly live...and she didn't give much time to the Idols. Kind of cold, I'd say.
• Crystal, Lee, and Joe Cocker: Call me crazy/disrespectful/totally out of it, but I have never, do not, and probably never will get the appeal of Joe Cocker's voice. He sounded like he was aurally vomiting and probably emitted about 2 or 3 actual notes total. (Sorry. But me and my family actually laughed at his 'singing' at one point. I kid you not.) Still, the fact that he's a legend, and that Crystal (and Lee, but thankfully...I mean, unfortunately, cough cough...his mic kept cutting out) got to rock out with him was excellent.

So what am I going to do now that the seasons of both my favorite reality shows (and the subjects of this blog) are over and out? Ironically ("like raaaain...on your wedding day" :) )....keep blogging. Remember that Top 12 profile project I mentioned earlier? I'm going to jump in and get to work on that. I'll give posts to each of this season's top 12 contenders, picking my favorite performance of theirs, what I thought about their elimination, and all that good stuff. (Yes, I'll probably finish that project quite a while after the finale. But many of those talented guys and gals still need to be remembered long after "Idol," so I might as well help them in that regard.) I'll also hopefully be making posts about what I think needs to change on "Idol," how the judges did this season, and things like that. And any of you "DWTS" fans out there, never fear...I'll be taking care of all the dancing-a-licious recaps I missed, somehow. (A little "DWTS" commentary for now: I'm actually kind of glad Nicole won. Really...) For now...I'll end this incredibly long catching-up post. Get ready for lots more blogging to come!

"Idol" Top 5: Blue Skies

As usual, I've been horribly neglectful of this blog. For 5 or 6 straight weeks (ever since Didi Benami so sadly left us on Top 10 results night of "American Idol"), I have been wanting to blog and rant and rave about either of the two reality shows I set out to recap, yet have failed to do so. I'll take care of those missing weeks when the season is over with a feature I have planned where I discuss each contestant and all their respective performances (I have this planned for "Idol" only, but I may branch out to "DWTS" as well), but for now, I'm going to save all my "Katie's gone! SIOBHAN'S GONE!" angst for later and just jump in to yet another frustrating but oddly satisfying (in a way) night on the "Idol" stage, this week (Frank Sinatra Week) led by the utterly excellent mentoring skills of jazz star Harry Connick, Jr. (Viva la Connick!)

• Aaron Kelly, "Fly Me To The Moon": While another singer (Sinatra, Fitzgerald, even Connick himself) might have taken us "Idol" viewers on a silky-smooth, commandingly beautiful ride through the stars while crooning this tune (even Sinatra...who I don't particularly care for at times), 16-year-old Aaron sent us crashing down to earth. His pitch was pretty good (something I couldn't say for previous outings like "I Believe I Can Fly" during Top 7 Week...oh gosh, I think I just threw up a little remembering that horror), but his tone was off, and his emotional investment in the song was zero. It just didn't work...and while the judges did FINALLY start going to town on Aaron's lack of conviction and uneven performing style, they still frustratingly sugercoated their critiques with compliments that Aaron is "likable" and "tries his best." Yes, he's likable. But watching and listening to him sing is painful at times. And yes, he tries his best. But his best is nowhere near good enough. Sorry, folks...but if Aaron hopefully goes home tonight, the Top 4 will be a lot better for it. Who cares if he's young and smiling? For an "Idol" success story, personality is key, but talent is key as well, and Aaron just doesn't have enough of it.
• Casey James, "Blue Skies": I don't know why. I don't know how. But despite Casey's admittedly ghastly performance last night of "Blue Skies," I desperately want him to stay in the competition. Here's why: seeing as one by one, my favorites (and sort-of favorites) have been detonated before my eyes (Siobhan, Katie, Lilly, Katelyn, Alex, and Janell...plus, on a good day, Andrew...we hardly knew ye), and there's slim pickings aside from Crystal in terms of an actually consistent contestant whose songs I can actually stand, I've latched onto Casey. While he's had quite a few middling weeks, his two best performances--"Don't" last Tuesday during Shania Twain Week, and "Jealous Guy" during the Beatles--are two of the most beautiful things (aside from Crystal's goodness) I've seen by a contestant this season that still remains in the competition. When he's good, he's GOOD. But sadly, when he tanks, he really tanks. And last night, it was certainly the latter case...despite a killer arrangement by Harry Connick, Jr. (isn't it awesome how he arranged everyone's songs? I rather liked it, though seeing as I've grown up on his deliciously distinctive arranging style, I'm kind of biased), Casey just didn't make it. OK, perhaps that killer arrangement was actually partly to blame. While it really soared musically, Casey seemed to get swallowed in it. I kept imagining him really taking things off with a softer, more acoustically-driven setting. It would have been better for his voice, for sure. Sadly, that's not what played out last night, and Kara was unfortunately right on the money when she remarked that Casey's vibrato was reminiscent of "a lamb." Still, I reserve my right to buck reason and be irrational (heck, "Idol" voters have been doing it all season...grrr...) when I say that Casey deserves to stay. He's Season 9's last hope besides Crystal for salvation, and if he goes, there's not much at all left to like.
• Crystal Bowersox, "The Summer Wind": Here is where I get angry. Immensely angry. All season, I've been surprisingly mild with the judges and their crazy feedback--OK, not necessarily mild. But compared to last season and my weekly furor with the 4 idiots behind the "Idol" judging table, my disagreements with Randy, Kara, Ellen, and Simon, have been relatively few, for the most part. (The voters on the other hand...let's not get started there.) But tonight was one of the first times all season that I've point-blank gotten flat-out mad over their critiques. Crystal gave an affecting, beautiful performance tonight. I was kind of doubtful if Harry Connick Jr.'s talk about how he was curious to know more about Crystal's interpretation of the lovely standard "The Summer Wind" would actually pan out on the "Idol" stage. But Crystal sang wonderfully, with beautiful nuance, and with an emotional heft that I couldn't quite place, but left me very touched and delighted after she sang. (The spicy horn tag that drove the arrangement didn't hurt either.) It just worked--I don't know how, but it did, and it was by far one of my favorite performances of the season. But the judges were completely in another world, it seemed--Simon and Kara remarked that it wasn't Crystal's best performance (though to Kara's credit, she very accurately complimented Crystal on her impeccable phrasing), and Ellen said something vague about it being too understated. And most furiously of all, Randy spouted nonsense about it being too "sleepy" and "jazzy." All of them seemed to be missing the mark--it's JAZZ, Randy. JAZZY IS THE DANG POINT. And just because something doesn't slap you in the face with its sheer power and energy, does not mean it is sleepy. Katelyn Epperly's performance way back in the semifinals of "The Scientist" was not 'sleepy.' Didi Benami's take on "You're No Good" during Top 11 Week was not 'sleepy.' And Mr. Jackson, you can sure as hell bet that "The Summer Wind," as masterfully sung by Crystal tonight, was NOT EFFING SLEEPY. It was BEAUTIFUL. And if you and your 3 misguided colleagues behind the table fail to realize that, it is your loss. And if Crystal is the victim of a surprise elimination tonight because you four fooled America into thinking we have a weak, haughty contestant on our hands when really she's a terrific, assured vocalist who has the potential for utterly great things, I hope she goes on to prove you all wrong. Because you all definitely deserve it.
• Michael Lynche, "The Way You Look Tonight": Well, that was a long rant, wasn't it? I'll try to keep things simple with my words on Michael's performance. Oddly enough, I liked it. I haven't cared for a single performance by Michael (I'm not going to call him Big Mike, y'all...it's just too annoying a nickname for a guy with such an off-putting personality) since Hollywood Week (and even then, he was falling out of my favor). But this week, the vocals just clicked. His on-stage mannerisms were still 1-800-Way Too Freaking Much. But his smooth voice soared, surprisingly, even on this done-to-death (heck, I've even sang it in public) standard. And against all odds, it became the first Michael Lynche performance of the entire season that I downloaded off of Rickey.org. It's way too late for me to latch on to Mike (OK, I'll go halfway on the nickname thing) and his brand of stagey nonsense, but at least he gave a good performance. That made watching "Idol" last night a bit easier to swallow.
• Lee DeWyze, "That's Life" (ain't that the truth...): I have little more to say about Lee that I haven't already said. ("Ranted" might be a more accurate term...) Nevertheless, I'll slightly repeat it again. He's not half as good as the judges' sparkling praises paint him as. He's hit less than 50% of his pitches over the ENTIRE SEASON. His voice sounds like constipation crossed with nails on a chalkboard, sandpaper, and a sausage grinder. (A bit too much, but indulge me.) His personality is weak and lifeless. And above all, HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO WIN THIS COTTON-PICKING SHOW. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. His performance of "That's Life" last night was something akin to that of a drunken sailor, and I mean that quite literally, I'm afraid. The notes were all over the place. The emotion injected into the piece was inconsequential. It just. Didn't. Work. Yet the judges fell all over it with praises like "best of the night!" "In it to win it!" "Bring down the choirs of angels!" (OK, I might have made up that last one, but it's right up the judges' alley.) Why in the name of Kris Allen are they treating Lee like he's the best thing since sliced bread? He's not. Except for "The Boxer" during Top 7 Week, Lee hasn't given a tolerable performance yet in either the finals or semifinals, and that's a worse track record than even Tim Urban (may he rest in peace...OK, not really...), which is saying something. (And even "The Boxer" wasn't amazing. More on that when I start up my individual contestant spotlights...yes, I actually kind of liked a Lee performance. Miracles can happen...it was Inspirational Songs Week, after all. :) ) It's probably too much to hope for that Lee will be surprisingly eliminated this week--he did perform last, and while that isn't foolproof, the judges' fawning and the audience's loud reaction probably are good signs that he'll be sticking around for at least another week. Gah. GAH, PEOPLE...

Well, that's my (incredibly wordy) thoughts on Frank Sinatra Week on "American Idol." Thank goodness for Harry Connick, Jr. and his wonderful brand of mentoring (did I mention he was hilarious? "Stop it, Ellen!"), and I hope, as an article by Zap2It suggested, he's considered as a replacement for Simon after he leaves this season. (Or maybe for Ryan, while they're at it....it's the first time in months I've loved hearing "This....is American Idol!". :) ) I'll try to get back to regularly posting (a "DWTS" post on this week's dances and elimination is quickly forthcoming), and for now, adios.

Eliminations and a Few Loose Ends: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted

So I promised you all (by you all, I mean anyone who reads this blog at all) a post reacting to last week's eliminations on both "Dancing With The Stars" and "American Idol," and also what I thought of "Idol" contestants Crystal Bowersox and Aaron Kelly's performances on Top 10 night on Tuesday. So here we go, in what should be a quick and painless manner. Anger and frustration is bound to be involved. (You didn't save Didi, America! Ultimate fail. :( )

• Crystal Bowersox: I've quite enjoyed Crystal's performances the past few weeks (especially last week's electric "Me and Bobby McGee"), but for some reason this week's "Midnight Train to Georgia" finally sold me on Crystal's high degree of excellence. With Siobhan (sniff, sniff) slipping up and Didi getting the boot (more on that below), methinks Crystal is by a nose my favorite. Her take on the classic Gladys Knight & the Pips tune was, to me, a step up from her usual goodness...it was full of soul, emotion, and was just plain beautiful. OK, it had piano in it, and I'm a major, major sucker for any number with piano, but she just really nailed it. Those high notes at the end were top-notch. Crystal once again failed to hit a wrong note (both figuratively and literally). She hasn't given a bad performance yet, but they haven't just been OK....they've all been excellent. Viva la Crystal!
• Aaron Kelly: Now, I'm not usually in the "someone had a 'moment' with this song! It should never be sung on 'American Idol' ever again!" camp...after all, "Idol"'s long and storied history has taught us that once a song has been knocked out of the park on the show's stage (example: Carrie Underwood's powerhouse, star-making performance of "Alone"), that doesn't mean it can't be brilliantly performed again (example: Allison Iraheta's grippingly delicious take on "Alone" during last season's semifinals). But there's always an exception to the rule, and that exception last Tuesday was Aaron. Kris Allen's soulful, stripped-down performance of "Ain't No Sunshine" last season was a turning point for the eventual champ. Last season, mind you. Not season 2, not season 4, the season RIGHT BEFORE THIS ONE. Sure, if Aaron had delivered a terrific version of the tune, I wouldn't be having this discussion, but really, can we say that that's what he gave? It was weak, flat, and devoid of much soul or energy. Usher's counsel to Aaron to vary his "I know"s for maximum impact was wisely heeded in the mentoring session, but when Aaron got onto the stage, his "I know"s were just as repetitive and bland as he had originally done them. Blegh. I have the sinking feeling that Aaron will be here for awhile thanks to the "teen girls who love cute guys" vote (its maddening effect on keeping Tim Effing Urban in the competition shall be discussed below)...if there's ever a time I wanted to have to eat my words, it would be now.
• The "Idol" Elimination: Didi over Tim? DIDI GOING HOME OVER BLEEPING TIM?!?!?! Do the Idol voters of America know how to get ANYTHING right anymore?!?!?! First, last season Allison Iraheta got a scandalously premature ouster and ended up in 4th place. (Don't you dare say she deserved that finish.) Then, this time around, Katelyn, Lilly, and Alex went home all at once in the last week of the semifinals, rather than with a recording contract a few months after they finished in or near the Final 3. And now, three women in a row (two of them very good--Lacey and Didi--and one of them at least somewhat OK...Paige) have fallen victim to the ruthless, idiotic, horrible machine of suckitude that is Tim Urban. Is he single-handedly the reason they've all gone home? Well, when he's been in the Bottom 3 for three weeks running (and the Bottom 2 for the past two weeks), I would say yes. His performances are dismal. His deer-in-the-headlights looks are nauseating. His flippant laughing in the face of the judges' deservedly harsh commentary is grating. All that's keeping him in the competition is his good looks. And that is wrong. I know "Idol" often isn't anything close to a true singing competition. I know people are shallow, and I know the "look" is a key part of recording success in today's world. But honestly...it is time for Tim to go. It has been time for him to go, in fact, since the first week of the semifinals. If America does not make the correct choice next week, and even worse, if another female goes home (Crystal & Siobhan are stellar, and Katie isn't that great at all, but she's better than Tim, and her departure would leave only 2 dang women left), I am seriously considering revolting against this show. As for Didi, I eagerly await her album and to hear more from her. She deserves a heck of a lot more than she got from the "Idol" experience, and I hope to goodness that she gets it all, and more.
• The "DWTS" Elimination: This first cut of the season definitely wasn't as frustrating as Didi's elimination from "Idol," but it still wasn't that great. Shannen Doherty gave solid dances her first two weeks of competition, and she by far was not the worst of either night of dancing. I was excited to see more of her, but I guess now I won't get the chance. That is really disappointing. On the bright side, I still have quite a few dancers to love (Niecy, Chad, Erin, and even Buzz), and Kate Gosselin's time on the dancefloor is not likely to be long (I've rarely heard a good word about the reality-TV mom, for good reason...her dances were dismal, and even though you indeed can't vote against a contestant, as EW columnist Annie Barrett astutely pointed out, I highly doubt that she'll be able to hold out vote-wise for much longer with all that negative feeling). There is hope for "DWTS" Season 10 yet.

And there you go. This was rather heavy on the ranting and venting, but with the depressing eliminations that went down this past week, that's what was in order. See y'all soon with a (probably a bit late, since I can't catch "DWTS" live tonight) new "Dancing" recap.

"Idol" Top 11, Then 10: Through The Fire

Once upon a time, I did my "Idol" recap on time (more or less...OK, maybe not on time, but at least that same week :) ), and I made it the quickest recap I've ever done (again, more or less). Well, this time around I have to cover two weeks in a row, and I have probably less time than I did two weeks ago, so let's get this recap rolling. (And preemptively, since the results show is about to start...SAVE DIDI!)

• First off, Paige Miles's ouster last week was rather imminent. Paige truly didn't do well at all with Phil Collins' languid hit "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)," and with the fact that the previous four weeks were also ranging from "fiery trainwreck of doom" to "well, I guess you did OK, since you had laryngitis," I'm not too sad that Paige missed out on the tour. (I am sad, however, that Tim didn't miss out...see below for evidence of my contempt towards the hopeless waif.)
• Siobhan Magnus: Last week's "Superstition," I thought, was dang good. People may have derided the return of the "Siobhan Scream" for yet another week, but I thought it really fit, and Siobhan just really owned the song (scatting in the coda! heck yes!) in her own special way. This week, I wish I could say the same, but I can't. While one of my roommates who's not quite sold on Ms. Magnus (or "Idol" in general) was sitting right next to me, to my horror, Siobhan failed to hit a majority of her notes, and her performance was rather ghastly. I hope she's not in danger (after all, the judges even took time to point out she's been stellar EVERY week up until now), but then again, when Siobhan got the dreaded first slot, and this is the voting public that gave Allison Iraheta a deeply unfair fourth-place finish, I can't help but worry a bit.
• Casey James: Last week, I have to admit I didn't exactly watch Casey's performance all the way through. Sorry. But from what I've seen, it was good but bland, as Casey usually is. Same this week...why were the judges so excited? It was the same middle-of-the-road, competent rock that Casey has been delivering every week. The song was horribly repetitive ("Hold on, I'm comin'"...it would have normally been fine, except Casey didn't variate his lines very much at all), and Casey lacked a lot of soul. I'm smelling a 6th or 7th place finish for this guy if he doesn't significantly be...somewhat interesting.
• Michael Lynche: Last week started off great ("When A Man Loved A Woman," for those of you who missed/forgot it), all smooth and intimate and reined-in, and then Big Mike went all overblown-Vegas lounge singer on us. This week was better, I have to admit, but I still thought his version of India.Arie's "Ready for Love" (which I need to listen to, I've never heard it but I'm a recent fan of hers) was still a bit too overcooked for my taste. It didn't grab me as much as it should have. Hmmm....I think I might have fallen off the Big Mike Bandwagon.
• Didi Benami: I fear for Didi. I fear for her a lot. Last week's performance of "You're No Good" was excellent, I thought (I must have bought her supposed 'vamp' act, I thought she seemed very comfortable on stage and interacting with the bass player and stuff), but it got torn apart by the judges. This week was even worse, turnout-wise. I have to admit, Didi's take on "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" was too overdone and she was straining far too hard for some of the notes. (And why did she pick that song anyhow? The last person on "Idol" who covered it was utterly forgettable season 8 semifinalist, and strangely, the first person I ever saw perform live on an "Idol" live show, Kai Kalama, and he sucked it up.) But is she "lost," as the judges perplexingly intoned? Does she deserve to go home in any way, shape, or form? Was her performance a trainwreck? Lord no. Once again I shout with all the energy I can, SAVE DIDI, DANG IT!
• Tim Urban: Now if you're looking for a prime candidate for elimination, here's your guy. From Tim's flat, flip, and cruise-ship-esque (I know I hate Simon for repeating "cruise ship singer" constantly, but it actually would have applied very well in this case) 'performance' of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" to his deer-in-the-headlights look on his soulless "Sweet Love" (hmmm, two "love" songs in a row, random), he is decidedly dead weight to the Season 9 "Idol" finals. He flippantly laughs when the judges rip him apart (yay, Ellen stopped calling him adorable!), he looks like he's about to ask for a dog treat when 'singing,' and I just want him to GO. NOW. Please?
• Andrew Garcia: Concise moment time! I think. "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" was cold and awkward. Andrew didn't sell it at all. This week, Andrew is back! For the first time since the sadly underappreciated "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" in the semifinals, Mr. Garcia played to his strengths and delivered a soulful, committed, and heartwarmingly good acoustic reworking of a popular song NOT by a female pop princess. ("Forever" never sounded so good.) I loved it. (I loved his mom's delightful and distinctively Latin antics just as much. :) ) I was about ready to give up on Andrew for failing too many times, but he's won his way back into my heart.
• Katie Stevens: Her version of "Big Girls Don't Cry" last week may have been current, but it was often tuneless and devoid of life. I didn't really go for it at all. This week, "Chain of Fools" was a muddled mess...I literally was begging for it to be over only about a minute through. Sure, Katie hit significantly more correct pitches than she has in probably the last four weeks combined--but it was incredibly "robotic," like Simon correctly noticed, and it just didn't live up to Aretha at all. (A very astutely hilarious commenter at USA Today shared my observation that Katie singing the lyric "for 5 long years I thought you were my man" meant that she apparently has loved a man since the age of 12. :) ) Katie, if you end up going home tonight, which because you 'improved,' you probably won't, I still won't shed a tear. Not one. Sorry.
• Lee DeWyze: Crap, running out of time. I didn't dig either of his performances these past two weeks, though I admit they were improvements. He's ironed out his pitch issues, but even his supposedly breakthrough performance last night of "Treat Her Like A Lady" was still unbearably scratchy and overshot, and his personality is still nonexistent. If Lee makes it to the finals, I just may be driven to drink. (Orange juice?? Well, I indeed haven't consumed that in a while.)
• And Crystal Bowersox, who was amazing, and Aaron Kelly, who was certainly not, will just have to wait until after I return from an engagement I am heading off to attend. I may create a separate post for them (combined with my reaction to the results...SAVE DIDI, PEOPLE!...of both "Idol" and "DWTS"). Or I'll just delete this and add them to this post. We shall see. For now, adios!

DWTS Weeks 1 & 2, Part II: They're Still Standing??

Part II has arrived. No introductions needed, I would think. Let's boogie!

• Nicole Scherzinger & Derek Hough (25 for Viennese waltz; 28 for jive): Well, I can definitely say I was surprised in this case. Nicole is DANG good at dancing. Her Viennese waltz last week was captivating, and I really loved it. That said...I'm not quite a fan of her, for two reasons... A) The four live shows she spent obnoxiously living in her own dream world as a 'judge' (Ha!) on "The Sing-Off" have not been forgotten...the woman's completely mad, and B) She needs dramatically more clothes and tact. Her jive last night was full of energy, content, and precision...but she wore next to nothing. I understand asking for modesty on "DWTS" is like asking for lactose-intolerant people to eat only cheese, but really...tone down the ho-ness, Nicole. I might like you a bit better for it.
• Erin Andrews & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (21 for cha cha; 23 for foxtrot): (Good Lord, Maksim's name is hard to spell...still...) I didn't get the chance to catch Erin's rehearsal footage last week, but I thought her dance was a'ight. This week, I had the pleasure of watching her and Maks practice their foxtrot, and I've fallen under Erin's spell. She's a charmer, and her foxtrot (although she had the bad luck of being saddled with a decidedly un-foxtrot-y number, "Love Story") was rather delightful. She needs a bit more finesse in terms of technique, but I really like her and her dancing abilities. Hopefully she'll go far...and not become this season's Natalie Coughlin (the rapidly improving sporty girl who gets eliminated way too quickly...oh bother, I'm sensing a pattern with these...).
• Pamela Anderson & Damian Whitewood (21 for cha cha; 22 for foxtrot): Oh, Pamela. What are we to do with you? She's both completely crazy and completely...awkward, but I have to admit, this week she proved she's more than just a run-of-the-mill scandal. Her cha cha last week was little more than (I quote Bruno for once here) "sex, sex, sex" (I kept expecting a stripper pole to appear at any time), but her foxtrot this week, while still leaving a lot wanting in the content and fluidity department, was surprisingly classy for a woman mainly known for posing nude in various magazines. (And her...oh, I won't even go there.) And her outfit last night was probably the longest dress she's ever worn in her life...and it looked mighty stylish. (I'm no fashion enthusiast, but it looked nice and actually covered...things... :) ) So she's making progress, I suppose. (Side note: Between Len's use of "titivating" and Bruno's "Oh, and the dancing was good too," I couldn't stop laughing my head off during the judges' critiques. It was very entertaining. :) )
• Chad Ochocinco & Cheryl Burke (18 for cha cha; 16 for foxtrot): That Chad Ochocinco (used to be Chad Johnson, same name as my home ward bishop, for those of you well-versed in Mormon culture :) ) is a character. His cha cha last week was pretty promising and full of charm and personality, and his rehearsal footage this week was vastly entertaining. He gained himself a follower. That aside...his foxtrot was a bit wooden and Clyde Drexler/Master P-esque. It wasn't so good. Hopefully (yet another comparison to last season, sorry, folks) he's not going to follow the same trajectory of Michael Irvin...that of charming personality and great potential at the beginning, but landing with a thud afterwards. Viva la Ochocinco! (For once, one of my "Viva la ____!" was actually all Spanish! Sort of...)
• Kate Gosselin & Tony Dovolani (16 for Viennese waltz; 15 for jive): Oops, I have to be really quick. Kate's rehearsal footage this week (what the "To Be Continued"???) was painful to watch. (I won't go into the nitty gritty, but it was way too drama-filled.) And her dancing is quite dismal/boring/wooden/please eliminate her this week, America. You made me endure the 'dancing' of Kathy Ireland last season for three dang weeks. So you owe me. :)

I hope Kate, Aiden, or Jake goes home this week. That is all. And once again...viva la DWTS!

DWTS Weeks 1 & 2, Part I: Fly Me To The Moon

I had a week to recap last Monday's season premiere of "Dancing With The Stars," and what did I do? Fail to get it done. So I'm splitting this week's (hopefully concise, like my last "Idol" recap) entry into two, and talking about both performances, in advance of tonight's results show. Let the dancing begin! (Couples recapped in the order they performed last night, not last week.)

• Shannen Doherty & Mark Ballas (18/30 for Viennese waltz; 20/30 for jive): Shannen, she of "90210" diva fame, still has traces of brattiness slightly evident in her rehearsal footage, but she's still a pretty good dancer. I loved her waltz (OK, mostly because of the captivating song choice, Nouvelle Vague's version of "The Killing Moon", but also because of her full-of-potential technique and gracefulness), and her jive was pretty good last night. She's a contender...but I fear unless she steps up her game she'll become like Mark's last partner...promising, but a victim of an early exit.
• Aiden Turner & Edyta Sliwinska (15 for cha cha; 19 for foxtrot): Well, here's someone I don't mind leaving. First, he's paired with Edyta, who wore probably her worst outfit yet (and that's saying something) last week (followed by, ironically, what must be one of her most modest outfits ever this week), and is a general skank, to be frank. (Yes, that rhymed. :) ) Second, his cha cha last week was wooden and uninteresting, and this week's foxtrot still left a lot to be desired. If Aiden ends up going home tonight...which he very well might (gosh, what is with the rhymes?), I won't be unhappy in the slightest.
• Evan Lysacek & Anna Trebunskaya (23 for Viennese; 24 for jive): I loved that Evan won the gold medal in men's figure skating for the U.S., but call me crazy, I'm not exactly a fan of him on "DWTS." His personality slightly rubs me the wrong way for some reason, and on the comparison scale, his style is a bit more Aaron Carter/Lance Bass than Drew Lachey/Gilles Marini. I might warm to him as a contestant, and I'm not calling for his elimination yet, but for now, it's just not my thing.
• Niecy Nash & Louis Van Amstel (18 for cha cha; 21 for foxtrot): Oh, how I love Niecy. She's lively, hilarious, energetic, and just a joy to watch. Her cha cha last week was charming--the steps were a bit off, but it was still fun, and the falling on Louis at the end (that looked almost impromptu at first glance) was a nice touch. Her foxtrot this week was even better...smooth, sultry, graceful, and full of musicality and personality. (Yet again with the rhyming...) I'd love for Niecy to go all the way, and I hope she won't be another David Alan Grier (off-kilter comedian with some fine dancing skills that ends up getting an unfortunate axing way too early). Viva la Niecy!
• Jake Pavelka & Chelsie Hightower (20 for both the Viennese & jive): If I was lazy enough, I would simply put "snooze" for this couple. Because I'm sorry, but Jake (the latest "Bachelor") is just not interesting at all. His Viennese waltz last week was stilted and dull, and his jive this week was 1-800-WAY Too Cheesy (why didn't Len call him out on it? Or did he...I wasn't able to watch the judges' critiques in his case). The word around is that he could be one of the couples in danger. As much as I (used to?? :/ ) love Chelsie, her partner is dead weight. America, feel free to send Jake home.
• Buzz Aldrin & Ashly Costa (14 for cha cha; 12 for foxtrot): Full disclosure...you are reading a recap by a man who loved all the following 'older' contestants: George Hamilton, John Ratzenberger, Tom DeLay (well, mostly...and not as a person) and Cloris Leachman. Really. I did. A lot. So my opinion on Buzz probably won't surprise you...he's a horrible dancer so far, but I love him, and I definitely want him to stay. He's charming as all get out (he called Ashly...YAY, ASHLY'S BACK!...a "babe" last week, which prompted a quite hearty chuckle from yours truly), he's dedicated to the competition, and hello, he's EIGHTY and going through with a nationally televised dance competition! I'm not calling for him to win the Season 10 crown (with two highly dismal weeks so far, he's probably already burned that bridge), but I'd love for him to stay as long as possible. And with other dancers being less beloved and just as bad as Buzz was, I think he may have the chance to do just that. Yay for Buzz!

The last 5 dancers to come toot-sweet (a little old-fashioned phrase in honor of Buzz's coolness :) ). Viva la DWTS!

"Idol" Top 12 Night In A Nutshell: Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

Well, it's been a week since Tuesday & Wednesday and I still haven't delivered you (whoever you are...are you out there???) a recap from last week's Top 12 performances (and subsequent elimination of one unlucky soul) on "American Idol." Since I am rather pressed for time, and I usually write too much anyway, I am going to attempt an experiment in typing very little for each contestant. (I considered putting all of them in my Twitter box and making sure they stayed under 140 characters, but thought better of it. That would be too annoying... :) ) So here we go. Brandon being concise. This should be interesting. :D

• Michael Lynche, "Miss You": This was kind of fun, but also kind of bland. Michael still sounds a bit flat and stale. And I still haven't become attached to him or his vocals. This is worrisome for him...he could end up an early casualty, after the love wears off.
• Didi Benami, "Play With Fire": Dang, I don't have the time to gush about this. Didi really rocked it last Tuesday...she showed to all those stupid haters that she has a powerful, unique instrument, and that she's here to stay. Her take on this Rolling Stones classic was pitch-perfect, passionate, and just wow. Didi for the win! Or at least for the Final 3. (Crystal, Siobhan, and Didi in the Final 3...I would dance in utter and indescribable joy. :) )
• Casey James, "It's All Over Now": OK, so I did gush about Didi anyway. Casey's guitar playing once again outshined his vocals here. I find little to remember about his performance, except that it didn't really catch my eye. Sorry, Casey. You're just not amazing enough. At all.
• Lacey Brown, "Ruby Tuesday": Poor Lacey. She definitely wasn't the worst this week, and I actually liked her performance a lot. (Maybe it was the spicy string-quartet intro that drew me in. I'm a sucker for strings. :) ) Her vocals were a bit reminiscent of the semifinals' first two weeks' flat-and-pitchy-fest, but they still weren't too bad. So dang that Lacey got sent home. I wish her the best, and hope her and her fellow Southern early-castoff Alexis Grace (from last season) get the dang record deals they deserve.
• Andrew Garcia, "Gimme Shelter": What happened to Andrew? He started off good (I STILL love his semifinal take on "Sugar, We're Going Down", dang it!), then he quite royally tanked. Last Tuesday was no different. It's gotten to the point where I no longer look forward to his performances, when before I awaited them eagerly. He really needs to find his vibe...because otherwise, I won't mind if he gets sent home.
• Katie Stevens, "Wild Horses": Against all odds, I actually kind of dug this. Sure, Katie's low range was neglected like a redheaded stepchild, and she still seems to be a bit pretentious. But those glory notes she hit in the chorus were hints of the goodness she used to bring in Hollywood Week and her audition. I'm not re-attached to Katie yet, but this performance was a vast improvement over the crap she's been delivering lately.
• Tim Urban, "Under My Thumb": Oh my heck, this was dismal. Full disclosure: I'm not familiar with the original song at all, so I'm not as scandalized by Tim's wonky reworking of the (apparently very chauvinistic) Stones song, but that didn't stop me from thinking this performance was quite worthy of elimination. It was sleepy (and I listen to quiet, supposedly 'boring' songs on a regular basis), flat, and disjointed. It was like a poor man's Jason Mrubbish with the flu. For the love of all things Megan Joy, America, SEND THIS BROTHER HOME.
• Siobhan Magnus, "Paint It Black": STOP COMPARING EVERY FREAKING CONTESTANT IN THIS SEASON TO ADAM. The world did not begin and end when Mr. Lambert stepped onto the stage. He was not by any means perfect (he screeched like a wounded crow with a throat infection), and y'all really need to just let him go. As for Siobhan's performance...it just gets better with every listen. The music box-esque waltz beginning was brilliant. The pitch problems I so worriedly noticed while watching the telecast seem to disappear each time I hear the song on my iTunes, and even the "holy crap, did she REALLY sing that???" note at the end, which originally I thought was a good deal less healthy and shouty than Siobhan's similar glory note on "Think," gets less and less out of place. It was truly a fiery take, and while I was unsure of it on Top 12 night, right now is hands-down one of my favorite performances this season.
• Lee DeWyze, "Beast of Burden": It's time to be concise again. He still went horribly flat on long notes. His take was so bland I can't remember much about it. I STILL don't get why people love this hack, and I doubt I ever will. Go figure.
• Paige Miles, "Honky Tonk Women": My mouth pretty much dropped open in shock when she told Ryan she had freaking laryngitis and was still singing, and I have to admit, shockingly, she did better Tuesday. But it was still quite a bit off, and I definitely wouldn't have minded if she had gone home Wednesday.
• Aaron Kelly, "Angie": Boring. Bland. OK. Vocally unimpressive but not a mess. There. That's Aaron's performance in a nutshell. Yawn...
• Crystal Bowersox, "You Can't Always Get What You Want": Very good, though I kept wishing for a gospel choir (a la the original recording) to jump out and jam with Ms. Bowersox. Still, I really enjoyed it. A fine performance by a fine contender for the crown, nothing more, nothing less.

And that was probably the fastest recap I've ever done. Sorry if I missed anything (I'm sure I did). Adios, and my "DWTS" recap along with more "Idol" recapping is to come at a later date!

DWTS Is Back! (And So Will I...)

Just a quick post (to the MANY readers this blog has :) ), letting whoever stumbles upon this here blog o'mine know that I will be getting up both an "Idol" recap from last week's Top 12 performances (the finals are upon is! farewell, dear Lacey...), and a "DWTS" recap for tonight's highly entertaining premiere ("Bailando con las Estrellas!"), sometime tonight or tomorrow or soon-ish. Over and out...and if anyone ends up reading this, spread the word!